


Once More With Feeling

by Imogen_LeFay



Category: Glee
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Fairy Tale Elements, M/M, Once Upon A Time Broke My Brain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 00:09:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 77,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1489483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.<br/>Until it's suddenly not.<br/>Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the  spell before it's too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - See You All In Hell

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is definitely the longest thing I've written for Glee, and very much due to the influence of “Once Upon A Time broke my brain”.  
> I started the concept in December, so it only draws from the episodes aired until then. That means there won't be spoilers, and everything after episode 5x08 doesn't factor into this, including the Rachel/Santana fight, the Brittana reunion and the actual living arrangements once everybody got to New York. The plot starts after Blaine's graduation.  
> The story will contain supernatural elements, a few medical issues (including mention of canncer), and infidelity.  
> Also, which I assume should be warned for, this story has Sebastian, as well as a dysfunctional to toxic Seblaine relationship, but Klaine are definitely endgame.  
> If somebody has concerns or questions about anything, please feel free to contact me.  
> The story is mostly but not completely done, and it should be updated around once per week.  
> As for titles, the story title is from the Buffy musical episode, while the chapter titles are taken from songs out of that episode – mostly because at the beginning I was very inspired by the first song Going Through The Motions, and I'm also a complete sucker for that musical.  
> That's about it, then. Let's get this started. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit.

* * *

 When Blaine woke up that morning, it was to beams of sunshine falling through the window and right into his face. For a moment he just lay in his bed, turning his head to the light and warmth, breathing in the fresh air coming from his half open window.

He didn't usually linger like this before getting up. But he figured it was fine to just take it easy once in a while. Today was going to be a lazy, comfortable day, as most of the last week had been. Just for a little while, there was no stress. There were no rehearsals for glee club, no student council meetings, no all-day studying sessions or last minute finals preparations. Nationals were over, finals were done, he got accepted into NYADA, and a few days ago he had finally graduated. Now, all that was left was to spend a last week here in Ohio with his friends and family, before it was time for him to go to New York – and not alone, of course.

This thought was enough to make Blaine sit up in bed. His eyes went to the digital clock at his nightstand and for a second he worried he might have overslept. But he still had time. It was only a few minutes after nine. Kurt was coming over around ten. They hadn't been able to spend time together last night, since Blaine's parents had insisted on having a family dinner including his grandparents before he went off to the big city. It could have been worse, but it still only made Blaine look forward more to having a day just for Kurt and him.

While going through his morning routine, Blaine couldn't help but look back on how much had happened this year. Of course, it had seemed even longer, being the last year of high school, and especially with every single day keeping him away from the person he loved. He was thrilled, but sometimes he still couldn't believe it was over.

He checked himself in the mirror one last time, before he went downstairs. It had been a rough year at times, but everything had worked out in the end. A part of him was even a bit sad to leave McKinley behind... or maybe that, too, was latent fear of what was about to come. But he wouldn't let fear keep him back. He would do his best and face the new challenges head-on, and at least he knew he wouldn't be alone through it all.

His mother was in the kitchen downstairs, talking on the phone. When she saw him, she put a cup of freshly brewed coffee into his hands and smiled. Blaine took the cup with a short thanks and let her get back to her call. Sometimes he had wished he and his parents were closer, but during the last months at least his mom had made more attempts to bond with him. He guessed it came with the idea of letting her youngest son leave the state soon. They would never be an extremely close family – even with Cooper he only talked a few times a month, although they had worked out their respective issues – but during the last year, Blaine had learned to accept that. It was enough that they were comfortable with each other. It wasn't as important anymore, either. He was going to New York, why worry about Lima?

By now it was so close, Blaine could almost feel it. He had such a distinct idea of how things would be, living in the big city, living with Kurt... it was enough to get anyone excited, and Blaine felt as if he had been grinning like a madman for days now.

He checked the kitchen clock. It was almost ten, Kurt would be here any minute to take him out for brunch, although he hadn't shared yet where they were going.

Blaine put his cup into the sink and gave his mom a quick goodbye, before he left the kitchen and went to the front door. It was warm, but not yet too hot, so he would just wait outside on the porch for Kurt. Who knew how long he'd get to enjoy the sun? He was hoping their plans for the day included a picnic, but he wasn't quite sure.

He wouldn't have to wait, though. When Blaine stepped outside, he could already see Kurt's car pulling up in front of the door. He could feel his smile get so wide, it almost hurt. He stepped off the front porch and-

_...the world shifted..._

There was no step under his foot. For a second, he felt weightless – and then, he was falling. He could see the ground coming closer, felt panic surge up in him, harder and faster than anything he ever remembered. It felt as if he was falling from a skyscraper, as if he was falling for ages, and he wanted to scream, no, this was wrong, this shouldn't...

_...and stopped._

Blaine's knees hit the ground, and so did his hands in an attempt to catch himself. He was gasping for breath and he could feel his heart hammering against his chest. When he took his hands off the ground, he noticed that they were shaking violently. What had happened?

Apparently, he had gone outside and tripped off the porch. But why on earth would that affect him like this? He ran a shaking hand through his hair and felt cold sweat on his forehead. Suddenly, he felt a chill, despite the summer sun shining down on him. His head ached. Was he coming down with something? But why so sudden, when he had been fine before... hadn't he?

Slowly, he got to his feet. What was going on?

“Excuse me?”

Blaine looked up when he heard the voice. In front of him, there was a boy who looked at him in concern.

“Are you alright?” the stranger asked. He looked gorgeous, all pale skin and long limbs, with a finely cut face, and sea-colored eyes. Blaine was sure his heartbeat accelerated even further. He was certain he had never seen this stranger, but he couldn't shake a discerning feeling of déjà-vu.

“I just tripped,” he said when he noticed he had been silent for too long. “I'm sorry, have I seen you before?”

The stranger tilted his head and looked at him with a frown on his face, as if he was as uncertain as Blaine felt. “I... don't think so,” he said. “I'm...” He looked around. “I'm sorry, do you know how to get to Main Street from here?”

“Oh, yeah,” Blaine said quickly. At least he thought he did. He quickly rattled off instructions. When he was done, his shaking still hadn't lessened.

“Thank you,” the stranger said. “Sorry, I'm... I'm actually not sure what I'm doing here. But thank you, um...?”

“Blaine.”

“Thank you, Blaine,” the stranger said. “I should... I guess I should be going?”

“I guess,” Blaine said with hesitation in his voice.

Suddenly, the stranger's hand was on his cheek. Between the cold and the shaking, the points where their skin touched was an unexpected source of warmth.

“You should lie down for a bit,” the stranger said. “It looks like you're coming down with something.”

For a few seconds they just stared at each other, and suddenly, the stranger dropped his hand. “Oh my god, I am so sorry, that was completely inappropriate. I'll... I'll just leave now.”

“It's fine,” Blaine said, but the stranger had already backed off and got into his car. Blaine watched him drive away. He wished the stranger had at least given him a name.

Blaine looked around, blinking against the bright light. What exactly was he doing outside anyway?

Slowly, he made his way back inside. He was still shivering, but at least his breathing had gone back to normal, even though his heart was still racing. He felt light-headed. Maybe he really did catch the flu or something?

“Are you alright, honey?” His mother had stepped out of the kitchen. Like the stranger, she had a look of mild confusion on her face. “Weren't you meeting someone?”

Blaine leaned against the wall. “I... I'm not sure,” he said and tried to remember. Who could he have wanted to meet?

His mother watched him out of narrow eyes. “Maybe you should rest some more, dear, you look a bit shaky.”

Blaine nodded. He did feel weird, and now he had two people telling him he looked a bit sick. Slowly, he turned around and made his way back to the stairs. He should be lying down... that did sound like a good idea.

He had hardly reached the stairs, when there was a ring at the door bell, followed by rapid knocking. Blaine frowned and looked at the door. Were they expecting somebody? Maybe whomever he had hoped to meet...?

“Blaine, dear, will you get the door?”The voice of his mother sounded shrill in his ears, but of course she was right. The door... he should get the door.

As if through a haze, Blaine made his way to the door, where the knocking had changed into banging. Every single knock seemed to pierce right through his brain. With a shaking hand, he reached out to the door, and opened it.

There was a boy standing in front of him, breathless and flushed, as if he had run for miles. For a second, he seemed only vaguely familiar, then...

“Sebastian?”

The other boy stared at him for a second, as if he saw him for the first time, and in the next second he rushed forward and smashed their lips together. The sheer force of it made Blaine gasp, and then...

He blinked, as Sebastian stepped back and looked at him. That... had just happened. This was... it wasn't...

“Blaine?”

He blinked several times, as he kept looking at Sebastian, and then, he felt the shadow of a smile form on his face. “I didn't know you were coming over,” he said. “Sorry, I'm... I really don't know where my head is right now.”

“That's fine,” Sebastian said. He put an arm around Blaine's shoulder as he led him inside the house. “So... how do you feel now?”

“Still fuzzy,” Blaine said.

For some reason, Sebastian's face fell. “Oh... Well, just let me take care of you and you'll be fine in no time.”

“Blaine?” His mother stepped into the hallway again. “Who was it?”

“Just Sebastian, Mom.”

His mother blinked at him in confusion, then she looked at Sebastian. “Oh. Yes, of course, your boyfriend. It's good to see you, dear.”

“Thank you, Ma'am,” Sebastian said.

“If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to get to,” his mother said. “Can you keep an eye on Blaine? He isn't well.”

“Of course, Ma'am,” Sebastian said. Putting a little more pressure on the arm around him, he led Blaine up the stairs. It felt like just a bit too much force to be comfortable. But that was probably just because he was feeling so strange anyway.

It was for the best to have him here, though. Blaine still felt... dazed. It would be good to have somebody here to look after him... to have his... boyfriend? It should be fine. He just needed some sleep. He was clearly coming down with something. That's why he felt shaky, and tired, and like he might want to shake off the arm around him.

It would be alright when he woke up.


	2. Going Through The Motions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: See Prologue  
> Chapter warning: discussion of depression

* * *

It wasn't even dawn when Kurt couldn't stay in bed any longer. He felt restless and shaky, as if he hadn't slept at all last night. When his feet hit the floor, he flinched. It felt cold on his bare skin, and as uncomfortable as he should have expected from an old, wooden floor.

Sometimes, especially in the mornings, he felt unnerved by the loft they were living in. It was cheap, and it was theirs, but ever since he had returned from his summer in Lima, it just hadn't felt like home. It felt too open, and at the same time both too crowded and too empty. He wasn't sure what to call this feeling. He would have gone with homesickness, but if he was completely honest, even his dad's house had felt strange during those last few days. Maybe the problem wasn't the location, it might be him. He couldn't even put his finger on what was wrong. It was just a general feeling of unease, like something was missing.

Getting ready for the day had become a series of automatisms for Kurt. Before, he would have made a big deal out of choosing his outfits in advance. He still was careful with what he wore – working at Vogue did demand a certain level of style – but he had stopped playing with accessories and different combinations. He wore a style that was following the current trends, but when he looked at himself in the mirror, he realized his outfits were missing a more personal note. It looked good, but it didn't look like Kurt Hummel, not really.

He just couldn't bring himself to bother with it.

Rachel and Santana were both asleep, when Kurt left. It was still too early for his classes, but lately he often went to NYADA long before he had to, when he couldn't stand staying at the loft anymore. He used the extra time to rehearse texts, scales and dance moves – whatever felt best at the moment. Texts kept his mind from running in circles, dance moves exhausted him to the point where his mind just had to shut up, and singing... sometimes it was almost cathartic, sometimes it made him feel so lost that his throat would refuse to work.

Today felt like a day to dance. But even the exhaustion of an hour of increasingly difficult dance moves didn't manage to calm him down. His mind was still racing around. There was something wrong, things he needed to do, but he couldn't figure out what it was. What had he forgotten?

With a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair, not even caring if it got messed up in the process. After the dance session, it was probably a lost cause anyway.

At the feeling of his fingers against his scalp, he felt a surge of panic go through him. He stared at his hand, his fingers, only to find them bare. Where was it?

He turned around, but there was nothing lying on the floor of the dance studio. Kurt gasped for breath. He couldn't have lost it, could he? It should be right there, on his finger but...

But no, now that he thought about it, he didn't wear rings. Just where had that come from?

“Kurt?”

He looked to the door as he heard Rachel's voice. She was just coming into the studio, dressed in her dancing outfit, and her bag slung over her shoulder. “How long have you been here?”

Kurt thought for a moment, but he couldn't say, so he just shrugged. Rachel gave him a long, concerned look, that Kurt really didn't want to deal with right now, or ever.

“Do you want to get warmed up?” he asked.

Rachel sighed. “We both know that lunatic Cassandra will have my skin if I don't,” she said with a dry smile.

Kurt went to his own bag to have some water before the actual class started. Slowly, the other students started to come in. It was still early, but nobody wanted to be late for class with Cassandra July, not since she and Rachel had buried their enmity and she still hadn't picked a new Least Favorite Student.

Kurt's mood slightly improved during the class. He didn't mind Cassandra July's style of teaching. In fact, it was one of the easier classes for him. What she wanted were clear, precise movements, not heart. These days, perfection was easier than emotion. Also, in class he was pushed much farther than he could even manage in his own training sessions. It was so exhausting, that it was impossible to think about anything, or worry about things he couldn't even name.

But as usual, by the time they went to their next class, Kurt's thoughts had caught up with him once more. There was that feeling again, as if there were bugs under his skin and he just couldn't figure out how to get rid of them. Rachel was still giving him that look, but that too had become something that Kurt had gotten used to. He knew she was worried about him. He could even understand that she was concerned – if he was honest, he shared that feeling – but still, he dreaded the day when she would finally say something. It was nice to be cared for, he guessed, but he didn't know what to tell her if she asked him what was going on. He hadn't figured it out himself, yet.

* * *

 By lunch time, Kurt was already tired of the day. To his relief, he was done with his classes for today. It didn't mean free time – after lunch, he still had to go to Vogue – but right now he was looking forward to it. School took a different level of concentration compared to work.

He always had a lot to do these days, between NYADA, Vogue and the diner. It was exhausting, and sometimes he had no idea how he managed it at all, but he preferred it this way. The busier he was, the easier it was to keep his mind occupied. He just wanted to distract himself from whatever it was that kept him so riled up all the time. It had come to the point where free time wasn't relaxing – it felt like a chore. But between not sleeping well and all those activities, Kurt sometimes wasn't sure he had the energy to go through the day.

Rachel was walking beside him to the cafeteria to grab a quick lunch. She had a rehearsal to get to, and was currently giving him a detailed description on what exactly was wrong with her understudy's dancing abilities. Kurt was always relieved when Rachel talked about her rehearsals. At least it meant that he didn't need to say anything, just walk by her side and nod from time to time. Whenever he managed to get her to talk about Funny Girl, at least she didn't look at him with that concerned, almost pitying look, the one that made him fear that today would be the day she finally would want to have a talk...

But by the time they sat down with their lunch at a table, Rachel was done with her latest tale. She just watched him again with exactly that look, and when she opened her mouth Kurt knew he had finally run out of luck.

“Kurt?” she said. “Can I say something?”

“Since when would you let anything stop you?”

She frowned at him. “I'm serious, Kurt.”

He sighed. “Spit it out, Rachel.”

Rachel hesitated for a moment, and then, with a visible inhale, she took something out of her purse and put it onto the table in front of her. The first thing Kurt saw was colorful paper, and his immediate thought was that she had put some of Miss Pillsbury's self-made pamphlets in front of him. A second look told him that this was exactly what she had done.

“Santana and I are worried about you,” Rachel said. “You have changed, Kurt. Ever since you came back from your summer break in Ohio, you've been different.”

Kurt glared at her. “You're being ridiculous,” he said and tried to sound as haughty as possible. He knew that she was right, it was glaringly obvious. But he didn't want to take a closer look at just what exactly was wrong with him. He had no idea what it could be, but he had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer.

With a sigh, he took up the first pamphlet. It showed a kid playing with several test tubes filled with different-colored liquids, and the gray text on top read “So you're brain chemistry has gone out of whack”.

“This is serious, Kurt,” Rachel said.

With a snort he showed her the pamphlet before he looked at the other one. It showed a young girl that looked so depressed that Kurt couldn't even keep looking at her. She was sitting in a chair, while her room flowed apart around her like Dali's melting pocket watches. This one's title was “When life doesn't seem to make sense anymore”.

“I'm not insane, Rachel,” Kurt said, his glare intensifying.

“I'm not saying that! All I'm saying is that you're showing some symptoms of depression, and Santana and I worry about you,” Rachel said.

“Really? Santana and you? Then why aren't we having this conversation with her, at home?” Kurt asked.

Rachel sighed. “I suggested an intervention, but she wouldn't go for it. Then I suggested this, but she didn't want to confront you and told me to let you figure it out yourself.”

“That's a wonderful idea and you should listen to her,” Kurt said.

“No!”

Kurt sighed. He knew that expression. It was pure determination, and god help whoever it was directed at.

“Kurt, I'm serious! You have trouble sleeping, your appetite is gone, and you walk around this place like a zombie. I don't even remember the last time I saw you smile, and you have headaches all the time!”

“No, I don't. I just pretend I do, so you and Santana leave me alone,” Kurt said. And it wasn't as if that was a complete lie – only about seventy percent.

Of course, it couldn't deter Rachel.

“Social withdrawal is another symptom, Kurt,” she said. “Face it, you're not okay, and we notice, and we are very concerned about you, and so is your dad!”

“What?!”

To her credit, Rachel at least had the decency to look sorry. “Kurt, I-”

“You called my dad?”

“We were worried, and you don't exactly listen when we try to talk to you!”

“You did not bother my dad with some ridiculous theory just because I don't feel up for a freaking sing-along every single day, Rachel!”

“You can protest all you want, but he was worried about you before I even said a word,” Rachel replied. “You hardly talk to him anymore! When is the last time you called him?”

“That's none of your business, Rachel! You had no right to pull my dad into this!”

“Why are you so defensive? I'm not trying to attack you, all I want is to help you!”

“And as always you show the tact of a sledge hammer,” Kurt said with a scathing voice. “I don't need you to save me, Rachel. Did it ever occur to you that I didn't ask for your help because I don't need it? I'm fine, and now stay out of my life.”

“But Kurt-”

“This conversation is over, Rachel!”

With one last glare he stood up and walked out of the cafeteria. He could hear Rachel call after him – “At least look at the pamphlets!” – but he didn't turn around. This was simply wonderful. Now his dad was worrying about him. As if he didn't have enough on his plate already.

With his thoughts still on his dad and what exactly he should tell him now, Kurt made his way to his next class.He was just on the stairs to the second floor, when he heard a voice apparently directed at him.

“Excuse me?”

With an exasperated sigh, Kurt turned around – and stopped. Two steps under him, there was a boy he could have sworn he had seen around somewhere, although on the spot he couldn't remember where that might have been. He had dark hair that was slicked back, he was wearing unremarkable clothes – especially for NYADA – but there was something in his eyes that Kurt couldn't quite describe.

“Can I help you? My name is Kurt.”

“Blaine,” the boy answered with a certain sense of relief. “Thank you. I'm still kind of new here, and I think I'm a bit lost.”

“I can imagine,” Kurt said and stepped down so they were on the same height – or at least almost. “You're a freshman?”

Blaine nodded. “I have to be at Dance 101 in ten minutes, and I'm not sure how I get there from here.”

“Haven't you been there before?” Kurt asked. “This isn't exactly the first week of the term...”

“I know,” Blaine said, clearly uncomfortable, “but this whole place is still confusing me. I usually just follow some other students, but I had to see a professor between classes, and now I'm not sure how to get there... or where I am, really.”

“Say no more,” Kurt said. “I got lost ten times in one day when I started here.” It had been twice, but Kurt didn't think that the details mattered at the moment.

“Oh, thank you,” Blaine said, “I was losing hope here, to tell you the truth. Almost every person I ask for directions doesn't even stop.”

“That's NYADA for you,” Kurt said. “Believe me, this place is a shark tank.”

“But I can trust you?”

Kurt was caught off guard for a moment, but recovered quickly. “Only one way to find out, isn't there?”

Blaine smiled at him. “I think I'll give it a try.”

“Well, good,” Kurt said. His face felt strange, and it took him an embarrassingly long time to realize that he, too, had started to smile. Now where had that come from?

“So... shall we?” Blaine asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kurt's smile got wider, and then, surprising himself, he took the other boy's hand. “Come on, I know a short cut.”

* * *

 “Did you do that?”

“I swear, he wasn't like that when he left. He was still completely in denial and wouldn't even look at the pamphlets!”

“Are you sure? Because it looks like you used some free anti-depressant samples in your intervention.”

“I'd _never_ -”

Kurt sighed and shook his head as he tried to ignore his room mates' loudly whispered conversation. He wasn't sure they were even trying to keep it a secret, especially Santana, but he found that he didn't care. He could understand why they were confused. He knew that he hadn't been the easiest person to be around for the last few weeks. But today, he had been easy and relaxed, hadn't even snapped at Rachel for that stupid pamphlet maneuver, had been patient with every barb Santana had thrown at them, and had even ignored their squabble about tonight's TV program in favor of getting a bit further in the book he was reading.

He wasn't sure why, but today had somehow seemed... brighter, or maybe sharper, as if everything had been more focused than usual. And if he thought about it, that feeling had started after he had met Blaine.

Kurt wasn't the hopeless romantic anymore he had been upon graduation – New York and especially NYADA did that to people – and he absolutely did not believe in something as ridiculous as love at first sight. But he couldn't deny that something unusual had happened today. He hadn't spent much time with Blaine – just enough to lead him to Cassandra July's class room via not exactly a short cut but at least a scenic and memorable route, that Blaine probably would be able to remember for the next time. Kurt still had this weird feeling of déjà-vû, as if he had met Blaine before, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Blaine had seemed quite sure when asked that he at least didn't remember any previous meeting. Kurt still wished, that he had more time to talk to the boy. Then again, they went to the same school. There would be another opportunity.

“Oh dear god, is he smiling?! What did you give him, Berry?”

“I didn't do anything! Kurt?” Rachel came closer to where he was sitting on the couch, slowly, as if she was approaching a dangerous animal. “Are you feeling well?”

“I feel fine, Rachel, thank you,” Kurt said, “though I would feel even better if you stopped talking about me as if I wasn't in the room.”

“Well,” Santana said, while checking out her nail-polish, “honestly, I don't care what you did, just keep doing it, cause this whole ice queen thing is getting really old.”

Kurt just rolled his eyes at that. Despite her voice he knew that she and Rachel had both been worried about him – still were, really – and when he thought about it, it made him feel warm to know that the girls cared about him like that. It almost made him want to find out what was going on with him and fix it, if only so they could stop worrying. On the other hand, he was feeling better than he had in a while, so maybe he was just getting better without having to figure it out?

“I think I'll call it a night,” Kurt said and waved at the girls before he went to the bathroom. He could still hear them whispering – well, mainly Rachel, with Santana throwing in some sharp-tongued remarks that made him roll his eyes – while he was going through his moisturizing routine. Now that he thought of it, he had let that slide a bit lately. He should take better care of himself...

By the time he lay down in his bed, the girls had stopped discussing him and had returned to watching some movie they had managed to agree on. It usually ended with something they both hated equally, but at least they had learned to keep the volume down when somebody was trying to sleep. It was a nice gesture, although Kurt was sure that it wouldn't matter anyway. He wasn't exactly sleeping well lately, and would probably lie around, listening to them and trying to calm his thoughts enough that he could actually go to sleep. It was what he had come to expect.

Instead, he hardly heard the movie's opening, before he slipped out of consciousness. He woke again to rays of sunshine, only a few minutes before his alarm clock would go off. He felt calm and rested. This had to have been the best night's sleep in ages.

Kurt wasn't sure what he had been dreaming about, but when he tried to capture it, he remembered a feeling of calm and wonder, and the image of a huge, ornate corridor, a dark-haired boy in a navy blazer, and the question, what exactly the definition of a short cut was. It was obviously something his brain had thrown together from meeting Blaine yesterday. Kurt only wondered why this dream image felt more real than most of the last few weeks had.


	3. I Want The Fire Back

  
When Blaine returned home from school, the apartment was just a slight improvement to the cold wind outside. The walls were as white as they had been when they moved in, the furniture was in dark colors as a contrast to the bright floor, and the light bulbs sent a cold light through the rooms, reminding Blaine more of an operating room than a place to live in. There were a few paintings in the living room, made by up-and-coming artists, but to Blaine, they didn't mean a thing. He hadn't picked one of them. Then again, he hadn't refused any of them either.

Today had been a bad day. Most days on which he had classes with Carmen Tibideaux were bad. He understood that NYADA was an excellent school, and of course the professors there would be stricter than at a normal school. He also knew that he hadn't really given his best performances lately – or even just good ones. He knew he must have been better at some point, otherwise he never would have been accepted into NYADA in the first place. Once, there had been passion in his performances, and heart. It had gotten so much harder to find that inspiration and just let go.

He must have done something right during his audition, but every time Carmen Tibideaux looked at him with disappointment, he knew that he wasn't able to reach that potential anymore. If only he knew what was holding him back...

As he sank back into the dark leather couch, Blaine tried to think back on his audition. He closed his eyes and thought back as hard as he could. When he really tried, he could remember the piano, excitement, and he even thought there had been people in the auditorium, people who were on his side... but he hadn't know anybody in NYADA or New York, and he didn't think Sebastian had come with him for the audition. Maybe there had been students who had liked his performance... it wasn't completely unrealistic. Blaine tried to remember the atmosphere of his audition, but nothing came to him. The closest he got was the memory of feeling a spark that turned into a flame. And now?

Blaine opened his eyes again. It was gone. That... spark, or whatever it had been, was gone. He didn't even completely remember what it felt like, much less how to ignite it again.

Actually...

Blaine noticed that he was stroking with his thumb over his right hand. That spark had been there, earlier today. Under Carmen Tibideaux's strictness, he had almost forgotten. But earlier today, when that boy, Kurt, had taken his hand... there had been a spark, a flash of warmth running through his hand, and it had felt as if it had gone straight into his blood stream.

Even now, when he thought back to that moment, he could feel goosebumps forming on his arms... but no. He shook his head in an attempt to get these thoughts out of his head. It had been nothing. It couldn't have been anything. He didn't need some stranger. He just needed a spark to give better performances, and whatever... _that_ had been, it hadn't helped him perform.

With a sigh, Blaine looked to the clock at the wall. It was a designer piece full of reflecting surfaces, with red gleaming hands that were running randomly and completely useless in front of a digital display. Blaine didn't even want to know how much Sebastian had paid for the thing. But it was his apartment, so that implied that he had the right to decorate it however he wanted. They had moved in here together, but Blaine never had felt like contributing much to the interior. In the end, Sebastian had just taken some more of his father's money and paid a decorator. If Blaine had to pick, he probably wouldn't hire them for anything else.

A shiver ran through him. The apartment was still cool. He thought about turning up the heat, but that would require moving. Blaine looked around for a moment, then took a blanket he kept lying around in the living room. Wrapped up in it, Blaine looked up at the ridiculous clock again. Sebastian would be home at some time during the next hour, and it would be nice to have dinner by then. For a moment, Blaine considered what they had standing around in their cupboards, but then he just slumped back into himself again. He felt too exhausted. They could order something later. Right now, he just wanted to take a nap and try to forget NYADA and Carmen Tibideaux.

Or he could do what a responsible student should and practice. He looked to the concert piano standing on the other side of the apartment. It was magnificent, and probably still not the most expensive thing they had in here. But unlike most other things, at least it felt somewhat real. With a sigh, Blaine pulled the blanket tighter around him before he made his way to the piano and opened it.

There had been the tiniest spark earlier today. Maybe he could translate it into music somehow. The piano came easier to him than singing or dancing. It was still more mechanic than he liked, but it was somehow easier to put feeling into playing. After a few deep breaths, Blaine closed his eyes and just started. The melody that came out was slow and melancholic, not exactly what he had been looking for. But the moment he tried to play something more uplifting, he lost the rhythm and missed every other key. He tried to think of his audition, tried to embody any of the other performances he had seen lately that had actually felt inspiring, but it was of no use.

He could stop. He could close the piano, return to the couch and turn on the TV, waiting for Sebastian to come home.

Or maybe...

Blaine closed his eyes and tried to remember the spark from earlier, the warmth running through his blood when Kurt had taken his hand. He tried to remember the feeling of skin, of direction and warmth, and then...

And then, he played.

He didn't go through complicated pieces, but it was softer, happier than anything he had tried lately, and for a short while it felt like breathing. From one piece, he started into another, trying to capture that feeling. The different pieces wove into each other, until he couldn't even remember anymore what he had started with.

Eventually, he played the last note. His hands stayed on the keys. There was a fine tremor running through them, and for a moment, it was enough to just sit there and breathe deeply. Music hadn't felt this intense since... He couldn't even tell anymore.

“That was amazing.”

Blaine flinched violently and looked to his right. Sebastian was leaning against the couch, looking at him. A shudder ran down his spine. He hadn't even heard Sebastian coming in.

“How long have you been standing there?” Blaine asked, trying to not let on how shaken he was.

“A bit,” Sebastian said and stepped closer. He let a hand rest on Blaine's shoulder. This time, Blaine managed to suppress the shudder. “I haven't heard you play in a while,” Sebastian continued, “I started to worry if that piano was a wasted investment.”

Blaine hesitated for a moment. “I just felt like it,” he said eventually.

There was a soft smile on Sebastian's face. It had become rarer over the course of the last weeks, ever since they had moved into this apartment. “Well, good,” he said. There was almost a note of relief in the way he looked at Blaine. “So, I take it you had a good day?”

Now that Blaine thought about it again, it did seem like one of the better days. Still, that was mostly about that one encounter. “Nothing special,” Blaine said. “Yours?”

Sebastian's expression fell slightly. “Fine,” he said. “I brought sushi on the way home. Are you hungry?”

By now, Blaine had stopped even thinking about that question. “I could eat,” he said instead, which wasn't even a lie. He could eat, he just wasn't particularly interested.

“Right,” Sebastian said, and by now the rest of his smile had faded, too. “I'll set the table, we can eat in a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said.

Sebastian hesitated and looked at him uncertainly for a moment. “Could you...” he started.

“What?” “Could you play some more?” It was such a simple request.

“Okay,” Blaine said softly and put his hands back on the keys. It should be easy. He knew so many songs, only a few minutes ago he had been playing them. But now, nothing came. He could feel Sebastian's eyes on him. He had to play _something_.

The melody that came was slow and melancholic, no comparison to the more passionate pieces he had played before. For a while, he could feel Sebastian watching him, but when he turned his head, Sebastian went into the kitchen.

Blaine sighed and tried to concentrate on what he was playing, but whatever had worked before, it was gone now. He stopped, eventually, after what felt like the hundredth missed key.

“Perfect timing,” Sebastian said. Blaine didn't point out that he had been waiting there for a few minutes.

“I'm out of practice,” he said instead and went over to the table, leaving the blanket behind on the piano bench.

“You'll get it back, eventually,” Sebastian said.“Sit down, eat something. You'll feel better.”

With a nod, Blaine sat down and took the chopsticks waiting for him. At least while eating he wouldn't be expected to talk.

“Blaine?” He looked up to find Sebastian watching at him with an expression he couldn't quite figure out. “Are you happy?”

Blaine froze for a second. The look in Sebastian eyes changed, got almost desperate.

“I... I guess,” he answered after only a few seconds of hesitation.

Sebastian, too, was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “Well, good,” he said. His voice sounded calm, but Blaine could see something in his face that looked almost crushed. He didn't know how to react to it, either, so he just turned back to the sushi and started eating.

Sebastian was watching him, but then again, he was always doing that. Blaine wasn't sure what to think of it. But they were together. They lived together, they had been dating for a long time now, and he knew that they were in love. It was fine. It was enough. It had to be.

* * *

By the end of the week, Kurt was cursing his bad luck. NYADA wasn't a big school. It was ridiculously hard to get into any program. Then why was it so hard to find one single person? Granted, it had been only a week, and he had mostly tried to look around during the breaks and in the cafeteria, but it still seemed weird that he hadn't caught sight of Blaine even once.

In spite of how restless he got, the girls were content with his change of attitude. Rachel, especially, was happy, after spending the first two days first concerned and suspicious. But by now she seemed confident that Kurt's improved mood would stick. In fact, she was walking with him right now and looked around the halls as if she, too, was looking for something.

“What, Rachel?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing,” she said, although there was that annoying note in her voice that usually meant she was about to share some gossip. “So, Kurt, I know you don't want to discuss this, but I feel like I have to bring it up. You've been different these last few days.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “There we go again...”

“And I was wondering, if there was any connection-”

“To your pamphlets? No, Rachel, stop asking, I am not going to touch those things.”

“First of all, I am trying to look out for you. And two, I wasn't going to ask about that. Actually, I heard a rumor that... Where are you going?”

But he ignored her, because right at that moment, he had finally spotted what he had been looking for. At the outskirts of what Kurt assumed were a group of freshmen, he discovered Blaine, his eyes buried into a notebook.

“Hello, stranger!”

To his disappointment, Blaine ignored him until Kurt touched his arm. Then, he flinched and looked up. It was worth it, though, for the smile that appeared on his face.

“Kurt, hey!”

“Fancy seeing you here,” Kurt said. “Where are you going?”

Blaine sighed. “Theory of drama with Winston,” he said without much enthusiasm.

“Well, at least you'll get some sleep,” Kurt said and fell into step beside Blaine. “How did your dance class go?”

“It went fine, actually,” Blaine said, “I get that Cassandra July is scary, but she mostly ignores me.”

“Lucky you,” Kurt said. “So, how full is your agenda today?”

“It could be worse,” Blaine said, although there was a note of hesitation now, “why?”

All bravado Kurt had felt just from finally finding the boy started to fade away under that hesitant voice. “Well,” he said, and sounded way more flustered than he would have liked, “I was wondering if you would maybe like to get coffee with me?”

At this, Blaine actually stopped walking. “Er... why?”

This was not going the way Kurt had hoped it would, but now it was too late to back out. “I just thought it would be nice to get to know a few more people here,” he said, “and I think I'd like to know _you_ better, so... it's just coffee, I promise, no secret intentions.”

Blaine hesitated, but then he nodded. “Yeah, sure. I... I'd like that,” he said.

“Alright,” Kurt said, “I know a pretty good coffee shop close by, it's kind of a hangout for NYADA students.”

“I've actually wanted to try that one,” Blaine said. “Let's see, I've got classes till after lunch, but is three okay?”

“Absolutely,” Kurt said. “Let's meet there?”

“Okay, sounds great,” Blaine said, and his smile seemed more relaxed now. “I'll see you later, Kurt.”

“Bye!” Kurt waved as Blaine returned to the flock of freshmen. Mission accomplished. Kurt just hoped the smile on his face didn't look as ridiculous as it felt.

“Now, who was that?”

Damn, he had forgotten about Rachel. “Will I get away with saying nobody?”

“Are you kidding me? Not a chance,” Rachel said. She was beaming widely, and looped an arm through his. “So I see those rumors I heard about you and a musical theater freshman from Ohio are absolutely true.”

Kurt looked to her quickly. “He's from Ohio?”

Rachel blinked, then she grinned even wider. “I take it you're not spending your time talking, then?”

“Rachel...”

“He went to Dalton Academy, I think he was the Warblers' lead singer for some time,” Rachel said. “I'm surprised I don't remember him, actually. And why don't you know that, he's _your_ boy!”

“He's not my boy, I just told him how to get to a class room once,” Kurt said.

“People saw you walking hand in hand through the school,” Rachel said drily.

“I hardly know him, Rachel.”

“But you want to.” Kurt turned to her in surprise. “I...” He wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know Blaine. He might have had a few vivid dreams about him that seemed more like memories than actual dreams... but he didn't know Blaine.

Although... did he want to change that?

Definitely.

“You don't have to say anything,” Rachel said and put her head on his shoulder. “Just...” She hesitated, then she smiled at him. “He's cute, you should go for it.”

He could have hugged her right there.

“And I promise I won't tell Santana. Yet.”

Kurt groaned. Spoken to soon, again.

* * *

True to her word, Rachel hadn't bothered him for the rest of the day. Of course, it hadn't helped Kurt with his nerves as he was waiting at the coffee shop. This was not a date. This was just coffee. There was no reason to be nervous.

Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long until Blaine entered the coffee shop. He looked tired, definitely in need of some caffeine, but when he saw Kurt, he smiled.

“Hey,” he said, “it's good to see you.”

“You as well,” Kurt said and tried not to sound breathless. “Did you sleep well?”

Blaine looked at him in confusion.

“Your class,” Kurt said quickly.

Blaine laughed. “Oh, yeah, that. It was fine,” he said, “but I really need that coffee.”

“Coming right up,” Kurt said as he led Blaine up to the counter and addressed the barista. “A grande non-fat mocha and a medium drip for him.”

He turned to see Blaine looking at him in surprise, his hand at his wallet.

“It's on me,” he said quickly.

“Er... yeah, okay, thanks,” Blaine said, but Kurt noticed that he still sounded a bit confused.

“Everything okay?” Kurt asked, while their drinks were prepared. And then it suddenly came to him. “Oh my god, I don't even know if you like that. I'm so sorry, I just...” He hesitated. Why on earth had he ordered that? He had said it almost as if on instinct...

“It's fine, really,” Blaine said. “I'm just glad it's coffee.”

At least, he didn't seem too distressed. When they started to fix their drinks, Kurt noticed that Blaine's movements seemed practiced, as if he had done this a million times already.

“What's your usual coffee order then?” Kurt asked as they went to a free table.

Blaine shrugged. “I don't really have a fix order,” he said, “it changes. I usually take it as a latte with flavor shots, or frappuccino's... Mostly Starbucks, so whatever their special is, really.”

Kurt missed a step as he looked at him almost appalled.

“It's not that bad,” Blaine said and looked down quickly.

“No, don't. I didn't mean to be rude,” Kurt said, “but trust me, if you just stick to Starbucks you're missing a whole world of coffee.”

“Well, maybe the medium drip is exactly my drink,” Blaine said with a shrug. With a smile to Kurt, he took a sip. His eyes widened almost comically and he took another sip.

“Is that a yes?” Kurt said. He wasn't quite sure if Blaine was making fun of him or if the reaction was real, but then Blaine looked up and what he saw was genuine surprise.

“I... I think so, yes,” Blaine said. He took another sip, as if to make sure, and the tiniest smile appeared on his face. “I really like this. How did you know?”

“Lucky guess,” Kurt said. It was the best idea he had himself.

“I think I'll stick to this one,” Blaine said.

“Well, good. The coffee order is an important thing,” Kurt said. He almost felt like cursing himself again – what a stupid thing to say – but Blaine smiled at it, so it couldn't have been completely ridiculous.

“How long have you been at NYADA?” Blaine asked.

“I just got in last spring,” Kurt said, “But I've been in New York for a year now. I really had to get out of Ohio.”

“That's funny, I'm from Ohio, too,” Blaine said. “Where are you from? Maybe I've heard of it.”

“It's called Lima,” Kurt said. “I don't think you've heard of it.”

“Actually, I have,” Blaine said, “I went to school in Westerville. Dalton Academy, maybe you know it?”

“Our glee club competed against the Warblers,” Kurt said. When Rachel had mentioned it, he had tried to remember some performances of the Warblers with Blaine as their lead singer, but none came to mind. All he could remember was some weird guy with a weasel-like face as their lead, that had definitely looked nothing like Blaine. For some reason Kurt also remembered wanting to punch that guy right into his smirk, but he had no idea why.

“Really?” Blaine frowned at him. “What school were you?”

“The New Directions from McKinley,” Kurt answered.

Blaine's frown got deeper, as if he tried to remember them. “I'm not sure... those competitions are all a bit fuzzy...”

“It's been a while,” Kurt replied, “I don't remember most of the other performing schools myself.”

“Yeah, I guess...” Blaine trailed off, but the frown stayed in his face, as if something was still bothering him. “So... what was it like, your club?”

“Oh dear, you have no idea what you just started,” Kurt said and took a sip from his mocha in preparation for the wildest anecdotes he could think of. Even the highlights of his old choir were enough to fill hours.

They didn't stay on one topic, though. They went from glee clubs over different experiences with sports teams to favorite musicals and celebrities, with the topics changing so rapidly that Kurt sometimes had problems to keep track of the conversation himself. Once, when he blinked, he thought he saw Blaine sitting in front of him, clad in a red cardigan and just looking at him full of adoration. Kurt blinked several times, and then Blaine was back to the navy colored sweater with just the collar of a white shirt peaking out, and the look on his face was interested, but definitely not more.

“Sorry, where were we?” Kurt asked.

“I'm actually not quite sure,” Blaine said, “I was still trying to imagine you walking in those shoes... How is that even humanly possible?”

“I may have had to sell my soul,” Kurt said. “Didn't you do costumes at Dalton?”

“No, we had our school uniforms, that was all,” Blaine said. He stopped and started to get a far away look in his eyes. “Though I think I made a cape once...”

“A cape?”

“You know,” Blaine said and with a few blinks he was back with him again, “like a super hero cape.”

“You're kidding! Do you still have that?”

Blaine frowned. “I'm not sure... I don't even remember ever wearing it... but I think I saw it when I packed for New York. There was...” He flinched, and one of his hand instinctively flew up to his forehead. “I don't know, it's in Ohio anyway.”

“You should take a picture the next time you're there,” Kurt said.

Blaine shook his head. “That might be a while... we're not exactly very close. My parents-”

He stopped then, and Kurt could hear the sound of a vibration alarm going off. Instinctively, he grasped for his own phone, but Blaine was pulling his out of his coat's pocket. He read something, and the frown returned. “I'm so sorry,” he said when he looked back at Kurt, “but I really have to go.”

“Oh,” Kurt said, “something important?”

“Kind of,” Blaine said, “I shouldn't be late for this. I'm really sorry. I had a great time, though.”

“Right, of course, I get it, you have to go,” Kurt said. “I guess I'll see you around NYADA?”

Blaine nodded and got up, but then he stopped and turned back at Kurt. “Or we could exchange numbers, so we don't have to wait until we happen to run into each other?”

Kurt smiled. “Good idea,” he said.

After the quick number exchange, Blaine waved and left the coffee shop. Kurt sighed and looked from the number to the door. It had been a great afternoon, and he had the proof that Blaine had had fun as well. They'd see each other again, soon. But now he had learned another thing about Blaine – he really hated the sight of him leaving.  
  



	4. Where There's Life, There's Hope

_Dark shadows... the beat of music... it was fine, everything should be fine... but it wasn't... What was wrong?_

_Then, a flash of red._

_A surge of protectiveness flooded through him. Not him, he couldn't let them touch him!_

_It was instinct, diving forwards, to protect, to take the attack onto himself, and then..._

_Pain._

Blaine woke up screaming, and drenched in cold sweat. He sat up straight, his hands flew to his eyes, trying to scratch out something that wasn't there anymore. It had to get out, it was hurting him, he needed...

Then, there were arms around him, prying his hands off his face, and he was pulled against something solid. Those arms wrapped around his own, holding him so tightly, that he couldn't move. He was fighting against the embrace, or was it an entrapment, trying to get away, far away from whoever was trying to hurt him. And there was a voice in his ear.

“Stop it, Blaine, you're home, you're safe, everything's fine! Please just calm down! Stop it already!”

The voice was lying.

 He doubled his efforts and tried even harder to break free. Whoever was holding him, he had to get away. He needed to be free of his grip, of that voice, and how on earth could he get out?

 But those arms held him in a vice-like grip, and despite his struggles, Blaine didn't manage to get free. Eventually, he sank into himself, shaking violently, and too weak to fight any more. He just tried to breathe, to gather strength, and to make it stop. All the time, the voice kept talking in his ear.

 Slowly, he started to recognize the sound of it, and then he realized what was happening.

 “Sebastian?” he asked. His voice sounded hoarse, and speaking was almost painful from all the screaming.

“I'm here,” Sebastian said, although his voice sounded miles away. “Are you okay?”

Blaine took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. Was he okay?

 “This one was worse,” he said instead. “Why won't this stop?”

 “You've been through a lot,” Sebastian said softly. The grip he had around Blaine loosened, and felt more like an actual embrace now. “Of course that left traces.”

 Blaine sighed in frustration and shook his head. “It's been years... why can't I get over this?”

 Sebastian let his hand stroke over Blaine's hair. He wanted to flinch away from how cold it felt against his skin.

 “Give it time,” Sebastian said.

 With a shudder, Blaine buried his face in his hands. He knew in theory what those memories were from. A few years ago, he had been attacked after a school dance. Consciously, he didn't remember much from between leaving the dance and waking up in the hospital. But in his dreams, the events kept haunting him, even now, years later.

 Suddenly, he felt as if he was choking. Everything touching him felt wrong – the bed he was sitting in, Sebastian holding him, even the very air he was breathing. It felt as if something was inside him, trying to claw its way out, and now he couldn't even scream anymore.

 “I need some air,” he muttered. He hoped Sebastian didn't notice how quickly he wanted to get away from him. Before he left the bedroom, he looked behind once more. There was a look of sadness on his boyfriend's face, but even that couldn't touch him.

 He made a short stop in the living room where he got a blanket and wrapped himself up in it. Then, he stepped out onto the balcony. New York never was quiet, and even now he could hear the traffic far below him. It was bright, too. The night sky above him looked completely empty, there was not one star to be seen. Shuddering, Blaine wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. He didn't miss Ohio, but sometimes he missed the stars.

 Far below him, he could see the street lights. He had never lived in a skyscraper, and he really didn't need an apartment this high up. But that too hadn't been his choice. It hadn't even mattered much to him back then, when they had moved in here. He still wasn't sure if anything mattered...

 The nightmares had become worse here. Blaine couldn't quite remember when they had started, or how they had felt before, but ever since he had moved into this apartment with Sebastian, they came more frequently and much more violently. At first Sebastian had tried to comfort him, to hold him after the nightmares until he fell asleep again. But that never worked. After these things, Blaine couldn't stand the feeling of his own skin. Sebastian's touch was so much worse. That, of course, was something he couldn't tell.

 Eventually, his breathing slowed down to normal, and the shudders that went through him were caused by the cold, not by the nightmares. In a few minutes, he might have a chance at trying to go to sleep again. He really needed the rest. Tomorrow would be a rough day, and he could use every minute of sleep.

 With a sigh, Blaine returned into the apartment. He put the blanket back down in the living room, before he went back into their bedroom. The lamp on his side of the bed was burning, but Sebastian was turned away from him, his eyes were closed and he was breathing softly. Blaine could almost believe that he was actually asleep, but he knew better. He couldn't even blame Sebastian. It had to be frustrating to have a boyfriend with so much baggage, who had these... night terrors, or whatever they were, on a regular base and couldn't stand to be touched after.

 But thinking about it didn't help. So Blaine climbed into the bed, and with his back turned to Sebastian closed his eyes, hoping for sleep to come soon.

* * *

   In the end, Blaine was relieved that he even found the way to NYADA the next day. Sleep had not come, which wasn't exactly new after these night terrors, and now Blaine felt so exhausted that he could hardly remember what his schedule was, much less how to get anywhere. His eyelids were heavy, his step slowed down, and all he really wanted was to lie down and sleep. Instead, he could look forward to a long, horrible day at school.

 Maybe he should have just called in sick.

 He passed the notice board, and just as he considered checking it, he saw Kurt standing there, apparently deeply engrossed in a poster by the film club. Blaine hesitated, wondering if he should come closer or say hello. But before he could decide, Kurt looked up and saw him.

 It was astonishing how his face lit up within seconds. He smiled softly, but there was a spark in his eyes. Blaine stopped and just looked at him for a moment. It didn't happen often that somebody was this happy just to see him. The smile, however, dimmed quickly as Kurt came closer.

 “What's wrong?” he asked when he was close enough that he could speak in a low voice, for which Blaine felt grateful. Still, it was a weird way t start a conversation.

 “Why would you say that?” Blaine asked.

 Kurt paused as he looked him over. “Have you seen yourself today? You look like an extra in some zombie film.”

 Blaine sighed and cast his eyes downward. “That's kind of what I feel like,” he admitted.

 “What is wrong,then?” Kurt asked. “I mean, I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it, but...”

 “No!” Blaine was surprised himself how quickly he reacted to that. A bit sheepishly, he shrugged. “It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just that there's not much to tell. I just really couldn't sleep last night. Nothing special, it just... happens.”

 Kurt watched him silently for a moment, and Blaine was almost sure he had said something wrong. But then, Kurt started to smile again. “You definitely need some caffeine,” he said. “Come on, there's still time before your first class.”

 Automatically, Blaine followed him as he started to walk to the cafeteria.

 “So, how's your schedule today? Not too crowded, I hope?”

 Blaine sighed at that. “I wish,” he said, “I have classes till...” He thought for a moment. “Five? I think five.”

 “Wow, I'm really sorry.” Kurt looked at him sympathetically, and while it didn't help the situation, it did make Blaine feel better. Sebastian's reaction had basically been to ask how tough one day at a singing school could even be.

 “I'm lucky today,” Kurt said as they went through the corridors, “only morning classes, but I've got to work in the afternoon.”

 “You have a job?” Blaine asked.

 Kurt shrugged, though Blaine could tell from his smile that he took at least some pride in it. “Well, I've got this job as a waiter at the Spotlight Diner,” he said, “maybe you heard of it?”

 “I think so,” Blaine said, “is that the place with the singing waiters?”

 Kurt laughed. “Well, it is since my room mates and me work there.”

 “Wait, _you're_ the singing waiters?”

 “You should come visit at some point,” Kurt said, “maybe you'll see an impromptu performance.”

 Blaine felt himself start to smile. “Maybe I'll do that,” he said.

 “So... any plans for lunch yet?” Kurt asked as they arrived at the cafeteria and stood in the cue.

 “Well... eating,” Blaine said with a shrug. “I haven't really brought anything... So, here, I guess.”

 Suddenly, Kurt was studying the menu behind the counter with a lot of concentration. “Well, mind if I join you?”

 Blaine hesitated for a moment. It would be nice not to eat on his own. Especially around lunch, NYADA was starting to feel like public high school all over again. At Dalton, he hadn't been a loner, but now here at NYADA he had no friends whatsoever. Kurt was the first person who had taken any interest in him. Besides, what harm was there in lunch?

 It was an easy decision.

 “I'd like that,” he said.

 It was apparently the answer Kurt had waited for. “Well, good. Let's meet here at one?”

 “Sounds good,” Blaine said, before he turned to the barista. “Grande non-fat mocha and a medium drip to go, please.”

 There was a smile on Kurt's face when Blaine looked back at him. “Let me walk you to class?” Kurt suggested.

 Blaine wasn't sure if that was flirting or if Kurt just assumed he wouldn't find his way to the class room – which was a bit of an exaggeration, but still not completely far-fetched. Either way, it was probably harmless.

 “Lead the way.”

* * *

  There was a spring in Kurt's step as he walked through the diner, taking orders and bringing food to the tables. He couldn't even remember the last time he had felt any energy doing this job, but somehow it worked today.

He could see Santana watching him, and he could take a guess on what she was thinking. In his defense, it had been a good morning for him. He felt as if the classes had been easier today, the day hadn't dragged forever, and yes, that kind-of-not-really lunch-date had helped, too.

So, he might have a bit of a crush. There was nothing wrong with that. And unlike most of his crushes he remembered from his high school days, with Blaine he was at least seventy percent sure that he actually stood a chance.

If Kurt was completely honest with himself, it already seemed like a bit more than a crush. Before, he hadn't started dreaming about a guy the week they'd met. It wasn't even fantasizing. They were just... dreams. It had started with that dream of them running through a corridor, but that had only been beginning. Almost every time he fell asleep, he woke up with a memory of another dream, mostly small and almost unusual things. He dreamed of sitting with Blaine at Breadstix, the McKinley choir room, or at the Lima Bean, almost as if his mind tried to insert Blaine into his real memories of home. It couldn't be because he had learned that Blaine was from Ohio as well, and how easily it would have been for them to meet back there. At first that had seemed like a good theory, but then he had remembered that the dreams had started before he had found out about that.

That wasn't the only thing that was strange, though. They didn't feel like dreams. In fact, if Kurt hadn't known that he only met Blaine a few days ago, he could have sworn those were memories. Sometimes, right after waking up, he even knew how they continued.

Of course, he'd bite off his tongue before he'd mention it to anyone, especially Blaine. That would be the best way to come off as a complete creep.

It wasn't important, anyway – a bit strange, maybe, but not important. Kurt was not some kind of obsessive weirdo. He had just met somebody who was fascinating, attractive, and possibly interested in him. All he wanted to do was to get to know Blaine a bit better. Already, he was lighting up Kurt's days, and somehow he just felt warmer around the other boy, as if a haze around the world was lifting.

And if that was not worth pursuing, Kurt wasn't sure what was.

“So, Berry says you found yourself a boytoy, spill!”

 Kurt rolled his eyes as Santana approached. “None of your business, Satan,” he said, though even that didn't have the usual bite to it, “and you have customers.”

 “Actually, mine just left and I have nothing to do, so get over it and give me the deets.”

 Kurt sighed melodramatically, but followed her into the back of the diner to sit down. Santana lost no time to help herself to some of the snacks standing there, and watched him like a hawk while nibbling away. It felt as if he was in the focus of a prowling cat, but not even that could bother him today.

 “Sorry to disappoint you, there are no 'deets'”, Kurt said. “I met a guy at school, he's from Ohio, he's cute and fun, and no, I don't know if, like, he has a car.”

 “Seriously?” Santana sank back into her chair. She was almost scowling. “This is New York City! You're actually telling me in over a year the three of us still didn't get a dating story that was more exciting than Berry dating a gigolo?”

 “You could come up with something,” Kurt said. “You've been dating the same girl for months now, and that was the least melodramatic story I've ever heard.”

 “I guess I'm just that good,” Santana said, “besides, I'm here to be entertained, not to be the entertainment. Well, at least not for you.”

 Kurt rolled his eyes, but at least this way he could avoid talking to her about Blaine. “We could set Rachel up with someone. There must be someone fitting running around New York...”

 “Fitting? Where's the fun in that?” Santana said. “No, I want to watch a train wreck. But a hilarious one. Any chances with your boy for that?”

 “I... really don't think so,” Kurt said, “but I don't know him that well. I'll get back to you on that.”

 “What's his name?” Santana asked.

 “Blaine.”

 Santana looked to the ceiling as if she was contemplating the name for a moment. Eventually, she shrugged. “Good enough, I guess,” she said. “And hey, if he stops your zombie attitude, then more power to him.”

 “Don't you start with that, too,” Kurt said, “I'm busy enough evading Rachel and all those pamphlets she keeps lying around, I don't need you to join in.”

 “Like I don't have better things to do,” Santana said. But then, she looked serious. “Look, I know she can be overbearing, and I get that you want us to get off your case about this. But just let me say this one thing and then I'll leave you alone with it forever – or until I run out of things to make fun of.”

 Kurt sighed, but there wasn't muc force behind it. “Say it, then.”

 “We were really worried about you, for a while. And depression sounded like a plausible explanation. To be honest, that was my idea. Some time last year Britt asked me about depression, she was worried about...” Santana frowned, but then she shook her head. “I don't know, some friend of hers, it's not important. The point is, you were acting like that. Now, Berry obviously had to approach this the least sensitive way possible – and come on, coming from me we both know that says something – but she really just wanted to make sure you're okay. Just... we worry about you. I thought that's something you ought to know.”

 Kurt tried not to show how touched he was. In a corner of his mind he wondered why he hadn't been this touched when Rachel had brought it up. He tried to tell himself that was because Rachel had been extremely blunt, but somehow he knew that wasn't it. It was more like his whole attitude had improved.

 “Thank you,” Kurt said to Santana.

 “Yeah, whatever. Now enough with the lady chat, there are customers.” She stood up and by the time she was on her feet, there was no trace to see about the moment they'd just shared. For a second Kurt wondered if she'd just made up the customers to end the conversation, but when he looked up he found several tables occupied.

 Suppressing a sigh, Kurt put on his waiter smile and went to the front to do his job. He went past the small stage they'd erected, now empty except for the piano, and slightly regretted that they hadn't used their moment for another impromptu performance. Maybe he could manage one if Blaine ever came to visit.

 And then, as he turned away, out of the corner of his eye, Kurt saw him. Blaine was here.

 Kurt tore his head around quickly and stared at the stage that a moment ago had been completely empty. But yes, there was Blaine. He was sitting at the piano and looked around as if he was unsure of something, before he finally turned to the keys and started playing.

 From somewhere in the diner, an accompaniment by harmonica started, but Kurt couldn't tear his eyes away from Blaine. After only a few seconds Kurt recognized the song, and then Blaine started to sing.

 Kurt felt his breath hitch as he just stood there and looked at the boy. His voice was rich, deep and so full of emotion. It was obvious now how Blaine had been accepted into NYADA. The performance was breathtaking. But maybe the most surprising thing was how deeply it made Kurt feel. There was an overwhelming feeling of pride running through him as he watched that boy shine, and he was so glad to have him in his life, forever. His eyes reflexively went to his left hand and was surprised to see it empty.

 “Okay, I don't care if your boy is the eighth world wonder, but if you don't stop daydreaming and start doing your job, I will kick your ass!”

 Kurt flinched and looked around as he heard Santana's sharp voice. He wanted to reprimand her for interrupting Blaine, but then he realized that the music was gone. When he looked back at the stage, it was empty again.

 Santana snorted and rolled her eyes. “God save me from idiots in love,” she muttered as she walked away to her own customers. “If he's so great, stop pining and just go ask him out!”

 Kurt stared at the stage for a few seconds more, but the picture didn't change. His good mood had completely drained. A shudder went through him as he slowly went back to work as well. He had to go through the day. He could go insane later.

 


	5. Cause There's Nothing To Tell

There was a rustle behind him, but Blaine couldn't be bothered. He was standing on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, looking down on the street with its crazy morning activity. He would have to leave for school soon, but for now, he wanted a few more moments of quiet before he threw himself into the insane city life. This moment, however, was disturbed, when Sebastian stepped out onto the balcony.

“Have you seen my green tie?” he asked.

Blaine looked up at him for a moment before he turned back to the street. As he had expected, Sebastian was dressed up in an almost black blazer, his white shirt pressed and spotless as he always got them from the dry-cleaner. Blaine would have thought after two years at Dalton, Sebastian would finally want to wear more casual clothes, but instead he had gone into the other direction. According to Sebastian, even the pre-law students at his school took pride in looking as if they already were highly paid lawyers, but Blaine suspected Sebastian's friends were just especially pretentious.

“I thought Tuesday was the yellow tie,” Blaine said.

“It's Thursday,” Sebastian said, and Blaine could hear the exasperation in his voice. “Tuesday was two days ago.”

“I know how week days work, Sebastian.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. God, you're useless in the morning. Just get your coffee already.”

“I'll have some at school,” Blaine said. He couldn't keep a tone of annoyance out of his voice, but Sebastian didn't seem to notice.

Actually, Kurt would get him coffee. During the last week, it had become some kind of tradition. They would meet up before school and have coffee together, and just chat about their days and what horrors they should expect from classes today. It was something Blaine was looking forward to, but he wasn't going to share that with Sebastian.

Blaine hadn't mentioned Kurt to Sebastian yet, although they were meeting every day, and occasionally saw each other over lunch or for an afternoon coffee. It wasn't that important, really. Blaine was allowed to have friends. Sebastian had friends at Columbia, and Blaine hadn't even met all of them – not that he really cared much about the ones he had met. So what if he kept a friend secret from Sebastian? It wasn't even on purpose, it just... hadn't come up. And really, it was just coffee. There was no harm in coffee.

“Are you listening? I'm still talking to you!”

Blaine sighed. “Look, Sebastian, I haven't seen your tie. If your color scheme is that important, maybe you should get back-up ties for each color. Or maybe you should just wear a different one. You have enough hanging in the closet.”

“What's wrong with you today?” Sebastian asked as he stepped closer. Blaine looked up again to see him frown.

“I'm fine,” Blaine said. At least he would be fine once he had some coffee in his system.

“Fine then, be like that,” Sebastian muttered and walked back inside.

Blaine sighed and with one last look at the city, he too came inside and pulled the door closed after him. Sebastian just came out of the bedroom, tying a petrol-colored tie around his neck.

“I have to go, I'm late already,” he said. “I'll see you tonight.” With these words, he leant forward to kiss Blaine's cheek. It was his usual gesture of goodbye, and, as usual, Blaine had to suppress a shudder.

“See you then,” he just said and turned away to get his bag from their bedroom. For a moment, there was silence behind him, then he heard the door close. Blaine wasn't completely sure why, but he felt like a failure again. In some way, he was always disappointing his boyfriend. He just had no idea what he was doing wrong. Maybe there was just something wrong with him.

Right now, he didn't have time to think about this. He had to go to school.

Of course, the thoughts didn't just leave him alone on the way there. This was not how Blaine imagined a relationship to be. Yes, they lived together, and Blaine knew that he loved Sebastian. It still felt as if they were living completely separate lives. Any attempt to bridge that distance came from Sebastian, like that kiss on the cheek in the morning, any embrace, any kiss, really... And although Blaine would rather bite off his tongue than say it out loud, he sometimes wished Sebastian wouldn't bother.

It wasn't about Sebastian. Really, how could it be? It was about Blaine and all his baggage, about that feeling he sometimes got, as if there was something crawling under his skin. It was the strongest after his nightmares, but even during daylight it never completely left.

Well... almost never.

The closer he got to school, the less he could feel it, actually. His step increased in speed involuntarily as he passed through the doors, and without thinking of it, he walked through the corridor and up the stairs towards the notice board. As it came in sight, he saw a by now familiar figure waiting there, two cups of coffee to go in his hands. Blaine couldn't have stopped the smile from blossoming on his face.

“Hey!”

Kurt turned around at the greeting, and he too smiled, his eyes lighting up. “Hey yourself,” he said before offering one of the cups to Blaine, who took it gratefully. He sipped at it quickly and closed his eyes to fully enjoy the taste. It was warm and delicious, and as he had predicted he felt better – although he had a suspicion that was less about the coffee and more about Kurt starting to talk about the bizarre day he'd had at Vogue yesterday.

Blaine froze at that thought. This was new... this was bad. There was nothing wrong with meeting a friend for coffee. If these meetings regularly were the highlight of his day, though, and if he kept them a secret from his boyfriend... that could become a problem. But it was just coffee, as he tried to remind himself, and there was no harm in coffee. There couldn't be.

“Are you listening?”

Blaine looked up to find Kurt watching him. There was no accusation in his voice, just a bit of concern. It, too, felt warm.

“Sorry, just... distracted for a moment. What were you saying?”

“Are you alright?” Kurt asked.

“I'm fine, really,” Blaine said, “so what was with that PA?”

There was still a skeptical look on Kurt's face, but he continued and soon Blaine found himself immersed in the insane world of Vogue, too entertained to keep thinking about Sebastian.

* * *

Two weeks into that friendship, Blaine had learned to relax. He still hadn't brought up Kurt to Sebastian, or mentioned his boyfriend to Kurt, really, but at least while he and Kurt were together he had stopped worrying about it.

It was easy not to worry around Kurt. There was just something about him that made Blaine feel at ease. With his nightmares, his still not resolved trouble with Carmen Tibideaux about his lacking performances, and the ever growing rough spot in his relationship, Blaine felt like he never stopped brooding about one thing or another. He knew it was problematic to hide his friendship with Kurt from Sebastian, but right now he just desperately needed an escape from all of it. Meeting Kurt had turned out to be like a much needed oasis in a world that seemed hellbent on driving him insane. It might be selfish, but there was no way he was letting this go.

Today, they were meeting again after school. Blaine's last class had been canceled, so he could have left an hour ago already, but instead of going home, he had opted to stay at NYADA for a while and wait an additional hour until Kurt got out of his Theory of Drama class. He could use some time to practice his piano skills, and lately that had become much easier at school than at home. Maybe it was something about NYADA's atmosphere, but most likely it was more about having a quiet space to really focus on playing. But rehearsing aside, mostly he'd rather spend an hour playing piano for the chance of meeting Kurt than sit around in a cold and empty apartment.

However, as Kurt approached him now, there was an apologetic look on his face.

“Hey,” Blaine said as a greeting, “are you okay?”

“Yes, fine,” Kurt said, “but I got a text from Rachel, I need to cover her shift at the diner.”

“Oh,” Blaine said and tried to hide his disappointment – at least this was an acting exercise he had perfected. “Well, it's your job, you kind of have to do it. I'll see you tomorrow then?”

Kurt blinked. “What? No, I don't have to go right away. I just don't have much time, I think I'll have to leave in half an hour. We can still get coffee.”

“Oh,” Blaine said, this time trying to hide his relief. “That's... sure, we can do that.”

“So, how was Madame Tibideaux today?” Kurt asked as they left for their usual coffee shop. “Is she still that tough on you?”

Blaine looked down. “She was busy with other students today,” he said. “I think she's giving me a break, to be honest. Maybe she thinks I need some time to get in touch with my inner muse or something...”

“Is it working?” Kurt asked.

“I'm not sure,” Blaine said and shrugged, “but it's gotten a little better, so maybe she's onto something.”

“Give it time,” Kurt said. “You stress too much, I'm sure if you just let it go for a while, you'll be amazing.”

Blaine stopped and looked at him in surprise. “You really think so?” he asked.

“I know so,” Kurt said. He sounded absolutely sure, as if he was talking about an indisputable fact, like gravity. “In fact,” he continued and started walking again, “maybe you should come visit me at the diner some time. We have a piano.”

Blaine stared at him and couldn't keep an incredulous laughter to himself. “At the diner?” he asked.

Kurt nodded, a satisfied smile on his face. “On a stage,” he added.

“How exactly is this going to help me relax?” Blaine asked with a frown on his face.

“It's the singing-waiters-diner, Blaine, it's not serious,” Kurt said. “All fun and games, and I think that might be just what you need. Or we could go to Callbacks, they have open stage nights. You could play something there?”

“Callbacks?” Blaine said.

“What's wrong with Callbacks?”

“Er, it's full of NYADA students judging the crap out of everybody, that's what's wrong with Callbacks,” Blaine said. “I'd rather take the diner, thank you.”

“Deal,” Kurt said. The grin on his face was probably supposed to be subtle, but Blaine had the sneaking feeling that he had just done exactly what Kurt had wanted him to.

Somehow, it didn't bother him much.

“You really should come visit sometime,” Kurt said. He looked at him hopefully now, so sincerely that it made Blaine's pulse quicken. That happened sometimes, and maybe that feeling was the reason he wanted to keep Kurt for himself.

“Okay,” Blaine said, and if he sounded even the slightest bit breathless, then Kurt didn't comment. It was a good moment. It had been a good day.

Of course, it all had to go to hell sooner or later.

“What is this?”

Only long experience at living in a house with his father helped Blaine to keep the feeling of getting caught out of his face. By the time he had turned around, he was reasonably confident that his face showed calm neutrality. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kurt frown and turn around, as well.

“Sebastian,” Blaine said, as he looked at his approaching boyfriend. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing?” Sebastian repeated. He had reached them now and looked between them incredulously. “What are _you_ doing?”

“What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything,” Blaine said with a frown.

“No, I mean what are you doing here with _him?_ ” He spat out the last word and gave Kurt a look that was close to disgust.

“Excuse me?” Kurt said. Blaine could almost literally see his walls go up, and the tone of his voice adopted a scathing quality. “Who are you even?”

“That's... um, that's Sebastian,” Blaine said, although he couldn't look into Kurt's eye as he spoke, “my boyfriend. Sebastian, this is Kurt, he's a student at NYADA and my friend. So can you calm down now and tell me why you're here?”

“Oh, I am calm. And I'm here because I thought it would be nice to pick up my boyfriend.” He stressed the last two words and kept glaring at Kurt, while he let an arm wander around Blaine's shoulder in an almost painful grip.

Blaine allowed himself a quick look to Kurt and could just catch a look of disbelief, before his face was schooled in a neutral expression.

“Nice to meet you,” Kurt said, but his voice sounded anything but sincere.

“Likewise,” Sebastian gritted out.

Blaine felt himself tense up as he looked between the two of them. He himself felt more than uncomfortable, true, but that didn't explain to him why there was such a tension between them. Sebastian in particular looked at Kurt with an expression close to loathing, but Kurt too seemed to exude hostility.

“Blaine, we're leaving,” Sebastian said, still not taking his eyes off Kurt. “We're having a dinner reservation we don't want to be late for.”

“We do?” Blaine asked surprised, which only earned him a glare from Sebastian.

“I was on my way to work, anyway,” Kurt said. He too kept glaring at Sebastian.

Blaine turned to him. He had the sudden urge to apologize to Kurt, although he wasn't quite sure what for. Maybe for how rude Sebastian was being, or for how uncomfortable the other boy seemed.

“Well, go ahead then,” Sebastian snarled.

“Kurt, wait,” Blaine said. “You don't have to-”

“I do,” Kurt said quickly. He looked at Blaine with an unreadable expression. “Have fun at dinner.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Blaine said, although he couldn't help making it sound like a question.

Something softened in Kurt's face at that. “Yes, of course,” he said. “I'll see you then.”

Blaine felt at least a small amount of relief as he watched Kurt leave through NYADA's entrance gates with his head held high, but it only lasted until Sebastian stepped closer and put his arm on Blaine's shoulder again, holding him tightly until Kurt had left the building. Then, he stepped away and glared at Blaine.

“We're going home,” he said and started walking without even checking if Blaine was following. For a moment, Blaine considered just staying, but eventually, he walked after his boyfriend.

“What was that?” he asked as he had caught up to Sebastian. “Do you have any idea how rude you were to him? What is wrong with you?”

“What's wrong?” Sebastian repeated and turned to look at Blaine. For a second, there was so much fury in his eyes that Blaine involuntarily took a step back. Sebastian seemed to notice, as he immediately got his expression back under control. “I'm not discussing this here. We're going home, Blaine,” he gritted out.

He turned around and kept walking, although he slowed down his pace. Blaine frowned at the way Sebastian was talking to him, but once again, he followed.

* * *

The subway ride to their apartment had been completely silent. Blaine had spent most of the time repeating the scene that had just transpired in his mind, trying to find just what had made Sebastian overreact like that. It was jealousy, Blaine was quite sure of it by now. He just couldn't understand where it was coming from. Kurt and he hadn't even stood especially close. Sebastian couldn't react like that just because Blaine was talking to somebody, could he?

 When he closed the apartment door behind them, Blaine expected that Sebastian would immediately show his anger again. But instead, his boyfriend just hung up his coat, loosened his tie and walked into the living room. Blaine frowned as he took off his own coat. A moment later, he sound of television came from the living room.

 Blaine went to see what Sebastian was doing, only to find that he had switched on some stock market program or other and was now going to the kitchen. Blaine could hear the sounds of the coffee machine starting. Eventually, Sebastian returned with two cups of coffee and put one of them in Blaine's hands.

 “What are you doing?” Blaine asked.

 “I'm being normal,” Sebastian said.

 “We were going to talk, Sebastian,” Blaine said. “Why were you so rude to Kurt?”

 “Why were you talking to him in the first place?” Sebastian replied. The fury was still there, but it was suppressed now, as if he was trying to hide it from Blaine. It wasn't very successful, but that was fine, because Blaine felt himself getting angry, too.

 “I'm talking to him because he's my friend. It's a simple concept.”

 “Well, you can end that friendship right now,” Sebastian said.

 “Excuse me?” Blaine stared at him incredulously. “Now I'm not allowed to have friends?”

 “You can have all the friends you want,” Sebastian replied, “but not Kurt Hummel!”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Blaine asked, “you don't even know him! You only saw him for a minute!”

 “I don't need to see any more of him, and I don't want to. And neither should you. This guy is just trouble! I don't want you to meet him again.” Sebastian's voice sounded final, as if this was something he could just decide on.

 Blaine would not take that.

 “Well, _I_ want to meet him again, so guess what, Sebastian? I'm going to.”

 It was the first time he had raised his voice at Sebastian since... he couldn't even remember. It caught Sebastian about as much as surprise as it did Blaine himself.

 For a moment, Sebastian just stared at him. “What is going on with you lately?” he asked. He sounded surprised now, incredulous even.

 “Nothing's going on with me,” Blaine replied, still forceful. “I'm making friends at school, the strange thing is that it took me so long, and if you think I let you decide who I can or can't be friends with, then we are going to have a problem.”

 “I'm not trying to decide who you can be friends with,” Sebastian protested, “I just don't want you around _him._ Did you see how he looks at you? Trust me, he's not interested in being your friend.”

 “You don't know him,” Blaine said. “You can't judge anybody by just looking at them once, Sebastian!”

 “So what, you just expect me to sit back and watch somebody trying to steal my boyfriend?”, Sebastian asked.

 “What?” Blaine almost laughed out loud, when he heard that. It was just too absurd. “You're being completely ridiculous!”

 “Am I?” Sebastian asked.

 “Yes, you are,” Blaine insisted. “Can we start with this ridiculous concept of somebody 'stealing me'? It's my decision. And I'm not going to leave you. You can't freak out over me just talking to someone.”

 “Not someone, _him_ ,” Sebastian said and again, spat out that last word.

 Blaine rolled his eyes in exasperation. “And I'm telling you, you have nothing to worry about.”

 “Right,” Sebastian snorted.

 Blaine stopped. “How can you actually think that?” he asked. He was still angry, but beneath that it hurt. “You know I love you,” he said.

 Sebastian just looked at him with an unreadable expression. “Do I?”

 Blaine stared at him. “Seriously?” he asked. He hated how uncertain his voice sounded at this. “Well, if that's how much you trust me...” He turned around and walked back out of the living room.

 “Blaine, wait,” Sebastian said as he followed.

 “No, I think I need some air,” Blaine said. “But here's some food for thought. I'm sorry if I upset you somehow. I probably should have told you about him. But Kurt is not trying anything, and I'm not going to cheat on you, and if you can't trust that, then that's a completely different problem we're having.”

 “Can't you just not see him again?” Sebastian asked.

 “Can't you just trust me?” Blaine replied. He sighed and shook his head as he saw the hesitation in Sebastian's eyes. “You don't get to decide who I'm friends with. If you're jealous, you have to deal with that yourself.”

 Without another word, Blaine grabbed his coat and walked out of the door.

* * *

 Kurt had spent most of the afternoon moping. He should have expected something like this, really. He had finally developed a crush on somebody that was indeed gay – so of course there had to be a boyfriend. Why hadn't he seen that one coming?

Well, in a way, maybe he had seen it coming.

Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions, but now that he thought of it, he could swear he had seen Sebastian in one of his dreams about Blaine – still a pretty regular occurrence. He thought he remembered storming through the corridors of a private school, with Blaine by his side and accompanied by Artie and Santana. There had been a choir of boys in a school uniform singing a Jackson songs at them, with their lead singer never taking his eyes off Blaine – their lead singer with his weaselly face and frat boy hair who Kurt could have sworn looked exactly like Sebastian.

Really, if Blaine absolutely needed to have a boyfriend – and considering Kurt's luck, there was probably some kind of cosmic law that actually demanded just that – why did it have to be someone like Sebastian? That guy was _dripping_ with arrogance, the way he had talked to Blaine was frankly appalling, and could he _be_ any ruder?

So, with how the day had turned out, Kurt didn't expect a quiet night. In his mind, he kept running through the past two weeks and tried to find just where he had misread things. Had Blaine at some point mentioned a boyfriend, or tried to stop Kurt from making any moves?

He couldn't think of anything, and really, he had tried so hard to be more subtle than he had been with previous crushes.

Or maybe that was the problem. Maybe Blaine genuinely hadn't noticed. That would be embarrassing on a completely different level, but at least Kurt would be the only one who knew.

When he arrived at this point in his thoughts, he started to calm down. So maybe he had read more into a friendship than there was – it wouldn't be the first time – but at least he hadn't made too much of a fool out of himself, and he did get what had the potential of being a really great friendship out of it.

Unless Sebastian interfered.

So, in the end, Kurt wasn't very surprised at having another way too realistic dream of Blaine – this time with a cameo from Sebastian. Upon waking he vaguely remembered a conversation about going to a gay bar, but that was not what really stayed in his mind. What stayed with him was that in the dream, Blaine had called Kurt his boyfriend, Kurt had taken an almost possessive hold of Blaine's arm, and all Sebastian could do was grit his teeth and accept it.

* * *

_Things were wrong, everything about this situation was wrong. They shouldn't be here. This wasn't a good idea. And it was all his fault._

_And then, again, the flash of red, a rush of panic all around him, and then just... pain._

_Pain... and a voice calling out for him._

_Against the pain, Blaine tried to open his eyes. There was just a flash of a face, not enough for recognition, and then the pain got too much._

Once more Blaine woke up screaming, scratching at his skin, trying to get it out, whatever it was running through his veins and hiding under his skin, he needed it to get out of him, to get away, to...

Eventually, his screams faded, and he just felt exhausted. He could feel tears on his face, and cold sweat on his skin. But there was no iron hold on him, no arms gripping him, and the feeling of wrong subsided so much faster than he had gotten used to.

His breathing was strained, but slowly evening out.

Only then did he notice that Sebastian wasn't there. They hadn't really made up when Blaine had come home earlier that evening, but still gone to bed together.

Sebastian always tried to calm him down when the nightmares hit. Now, Blaine was sitting here alone in the dark. Slowly, he switched on the nightstand lamp, and turned to the other side of the bed. It was empty, and the blanket was gone. Apparently, instead of trying to calm him down this time, Sebastian had gone to sleep on the couch.

He tried to muster up a feeling of disappointment, but it felt more like relief. It wasn't as if Sebastian's presence had ever helped with the nightmares.

Still shaking, he let himself sink into the sheets again. He left the light on as he closed his eyes, trying to calm his breath enough to fall asleep again.

After what felt like hours, he felt his consciousness slipping away. And right there, at the verge of falling asleep, he suddenly realized whose face he had seen just before waking up.

It was Kurt.


	6. Something To Sing About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter took a bit longer, which is mostly due to a performance scene, which I'm actually not that comfortable writing. One day I'll figure out why I don't just not put them into the story, but this day isn't today.  
> The song in this chapter is "Coffee & TV" by Blur, which I adore, and obviously I hold no rights to the lyrics.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy.

* * *

Kurt felt slightly self-conscious as he was entering their usual coffee shop. It was a bit early to be here, but he still felt upset over the events of yesterday, meeting Sebastian, and once more those weird dreams he had. He couldn't actually wait to see Blaine, but he was nervous about what to expect.

Then again, no matter how awkward things had gotten yesterday, Blaine had wanted to meet him. Kurt hadn't missed how his voice had almost sounded pleading, nor how angry Sebastian had been with it.

With new confidence, he opened the door to the coffee shop. To his surprise, he saw Blaine already at the counter, receiving two styrofoam mugs of coffee. Apparently Kurt hadn't been the only one who wanted to meet early.

Smiling, he made his way up to Blaine, who had started preparing their respective drinks, and came to a stop beside his friend.

“You're early,” he said as a greeting.

Blaine must have been deep in thought, because he almost flinched as he was spoken to. There were dark bags under his eyes, he was pale and he looked as if he hadn't slept at all. It wasn't the first time Kurt had seen him exhausted, but today it somehow seemed worse. When he saw Kurt, though, a smile appeared on his face.

“Kurt! I'm so glad to see you,” he said.

“Me too,” Kurt said. “But are you alright? You look like you really need that coffee right now.”

Blaine chuckled, but there was something dejected in his eyes. “I really do,” he said, “I thought I'd buy today. I'm really sorry about yesterday.”

“Well, it was a bit strange,” Kurt said with a shrug, “he's a bit of an acquired taste, isn't he?”

“I really don't know why he was acting like that,” Blaine said. “But he shouldn't have been so rude to you, I am so sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize for your boyfriend,” Kurt said.

“But he-”

“His behavior is not under your control,” Kurt continued. “Come on, let's sit down.”

The smile on Blaine's face was almost grateful as they went over to one of the tables and sat down. Kurt took a careful sip of his moccha while he tried to order his thoughts. To his mild surprise the drink tasted exactly the way he liked it.

“Good?” Blaine, who had watched him, asked.

“Perfect,” Kurt said with a small smile, before he got serious. They were here to discuss something, after all. “So, your boyfriend... who I'm not sure I remember you ever mentioning...”

There was the beginning of a blush on Blaine's face, and clear signs of a guilty conscience. “Well, I guess it never came up,” he said. He didn't look away completely, but he didn't exactly meet Kurt's eyes, either. “But yeah, we've been together for almost two years.”

Kurt let out a whistle. “That's not bad. Did you meet at Dalton?”

Blaine nodded. “He transferred there in my junior year,” he explained, “we were both in the Warblers, and it kind of... happened from there.” There was a frown on his face and a far-away look, though it didn't seem to Kurt as if it was dreamy reminiscence. There was something... skeptical about Blaine's look, as if he was trying to figure something out.

“So, two years, that's a lot,” Kurt said in an attempt to get him out of his thoughts, “is everything okay with you, or what was that yesterday?”

Now, Blaine clearly did avert his eyes. “It's been... a bit rough, lately,” he admitted. “We're not even fighting or anything, it's just... weird. So maybe that's why he reacted like that...”

“Maybe?”

Blaine sighed. “It's a bit ridiculous,” he said, fidgeting with his cup.

“What is?” Kurt asked. When Blaine still wouldn't answer, Kurt put a hand on his wrist to still his hand. “You can tell me,” he said softly.

There was some hesitation, but eventually, Blaine sighed and looked up to meet his eye. “He's jealous of you,” he said.

Kurt's eybrows arched up. That was... interesting. So, apparently, he wasn't the only one who thought there was a vibe between them. The only question was, if Blaine had noticed that as well.

“He got really angry, he has this idea that you're going to _steal_ me or something...” Everything from Blaine's voice to the way he rolled his eyes conveyed how ridiculous he thought that idea was. Kurt just wasn't sure what was so ridiculous – the idea of anybody “stealing” him, or the thought that Blaine could ever go for Kurt.

“I don't think it's necessarily about you,” Blaine continued, “it's just been... really weird lately. I guess it's the stress of the new city, and then there's my...” He stopped for a second, long enough for Kurt to notice. “There's just stuff,” Blaine said eventually with a sigh that sounded completely exhausted.

Kurt wasn't sure what to say to this. If he was honest with himself, he did feel led on. Blaine had never mentioned his boyfriend, had apparently never mentioned Kurt to Sebastian, either, and Kurt got the feeling that Blaine had used their meetings to get his mind off his relationship troubles. On the other hand, despite what felt for Kurt like a connection, he couldn't remember an instance where Blaine had led him on consciously. It didn't help that the other boy looked so completely lost right now.

“Look, Blaine, I really don't want to cause any trouble in your relationship,” Kurt said eventually.

Blaine's eyes widened as he looked at him. “What? No! You're not... no! We're... we're friends, right? Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I can't have friends.”

“I'm not sure your boyfriend agrees,” Kurt said.

“That's not his decision,” Blaine replied with determination. “He has friends, too – and honestly, I can't stand most of them – so I don't see why he can tell me who I spend my time with.”

“Are you sure it's just that?” Kurt asked. “I mean, you can't tell me he reacts like this with all your friends.”

Although now that he thought of it, he couldn't exactly remember Blaine bringing up his other friends a lot. And usually, if he did, it was in the context of stories from his time at Dalton, but nothing going on right now...

“I'm not that good at making friends,” Blaine said, as if to confirm Kurt's thoughts, “so they're mostly people from Dalton who've known us as a couple for two years. I just... haven't made any new friends since I got here, except you.”

“Really?” Kurt asked. “You're not exactly the shy type...”

“It's... I don't know, it's just not happening,” Blaine said. “I don't really connect to the people I'm having classes with, and apart from NYADA I'm not doing much.”

“Maybe that's part of your problem,” Kurt said. “Well, not the one we're talking about at the moment. So. your boyfriend. What's his problem? He's not used to you meeting other people in New York, so it sends him into a fit immediately when he catches you talking to someone?”

There was something Blaine wasn't telling him. It was obvious in the way his eyebrows formed the tiniest frown, and in the way he would not completely meet Kurt's eye.

“The point is that he is overreacting, and he has no right to tell me who I can be friends with,” he repeated instead. “And I could really use a friend right now.”

Was there anything Kurt could do against that earnest look? “Well, you got me,” he said. “If you're sure it won't cause any problems...?”

“It won't,” Blaine said.

“Okay,” Kurt said, “then we'll do this.” So maybe he had made it up in his head – or at least exaggerated it a bit – but at least the two of them were okay. He still had a bad feeling about Sebastian, he still thought they had a slightly deeper connection than Blaine was willing to admit to, but that all would have to wait. For now, they'd try this as a friendship,and at least he would get that chance.

“We should go,” Blaine said, interrupting his thoughts, “at least if we want to be in time for class.”

Kurt managed a genuine smile. “Let's go, then.”

* * *

The Spotlight Diner wasn't hard to find. The really hard part, as Blaine found out, was to actually enter it.

He still wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be here. Almost a week had passed since the day Kurt and Sebastian had met. The result had been an obvious cool-down in the two closest relationships he currently had. At least his friendship with Kurt was still close, although not as close as before. Maybe Kurt had thought they had been flirting, btu Blaine was too afraid to ask. He'd rather not know the answer than make things awkward between them.

Things with Sebastian, on the other hand, were beyond awkward. Blaine had made it clear again that he would not apologize for who he was friends with, and Sebastian had insisted that Kurt as a friend was not acceptable, without ever clarifying just what his problem with him was. Those two points didn't exactly offer a compromise. Eventually, they had agreed to disagree, but since then they had hardly had a conversation. Sebastian suddenly had lots of work and study groups to attend, while Blaine spent way more time at NYADA or practicing in their empty apartment. Sometimes, he caught Sebastian looking at him with a longing expression, but he never said anything, and Blaine wasn't ready to take the first step, not when Sebastian was so clearly in the wrong.

Today, Sebastian had a meeting with his study group again. Blaine still had the suspicion that they just got together to discuss how awesome they were, while drinking wine imported from france. Those study sessions usually lasted long into the night, and Sebastian always came home late, with the smell of alcohol on his breath.

Blaine had considered going home after his last class had ended. He could be using the empty apartment to get some more time to practice at the piano. It was probably what he should be doing. It was most certainly what Carmen Tibideaux would suggest he should do. But he was quite sure that this was not what he needed, right now.

So eventually, he had made his way to the Spotlight Diner. Kurt had said he was working there this afternoon, and what Blaine really needed right now was some company.

But the diner looked busy at the moment. Sure, Kurt had invited him to come over some time, but that had been before meting Sebastian. Also, Blaine didn't want to disturb him when he was busy working. This was probably a bad idea, he should come back some other time. He should go home, practice the same pieces he had practiced a hundred times, and hope he'd get better at them, to just get back some of the feeling of it...

And who was he kidding? It hadn't worked before, it wouldn't work today. He knew what he needed right now.

So, after taking a deep breath, Blaine finally crossed the street and entered the diner.

He had hardly taken a few steps in, when Kurt was standing in front of him, an amused glitter in his eyes.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to actually get in here,” he said as a greeting, “come on, there's a table waiting just for you.”

Blaine couldn't even get in a greeting as he was dragged along to a table close to the bar.

“I'm a little busy right now, so you'll have to give me a few minutes,” Kurt said, “but if you just tell me what you'd like to drink, I'll get you something in a moment, on the house.” There was a wink at the last part, and Blaine felt a surge of warmth.

“Any recommendations?” he asked.

“The smoothies are to die for,” Kurt said. “Mango, especially. But I wouldn't eat anything – not that you heard that from me, though.”

Blaine couldn't have helped the smile appearing on his face if he had tried. “I'll take one of those, then,” he said.

“In a minute,” Kurt said and got back to work with a last smile at him.

With a deep exhale, Blaine leant back in his chair and watched his friend walk around the diner. There was an elegance in his step that Blaine could only admire, almost reminiscent of dancing. Well, they were the singing waiters, there should be at least some dancing involved. After only a moment, Kurt put the promised smoothie in front of him, before he hurried away again. Carefully, Blaine took a sip. Kurt hadn't promised too much.

In any case, just watching Kurt work, helped calm down Blaine's nerves that had been strained ever since this morning's lesson with Carmen Tibideaux. For a moment, he could stop worrying about school, or his relationship, or anything, really.

Blaine couldn't have said how long it took until things quieted down enough, but eventually, Kurt slid into the seat opposite him, putting two smoothies in front of them, one for himself and one to replace Blaine's empty glass.

“So, you finally found your way here,” Kurt said.

“I did,” Blaine said, “it's impressive here. You really seem to like this job.”

“It's fine,” Kurt said with a shrug, “I mean, it's not Vogue, but you can't have excellence 24/7, can you?”

“I guess if somebody could find a way, it's you,” Blaine said with a slight shrug.

“Well, you know what they say about flattery,” Kurt said. “Though if you think this place is so great, I could ask if they have another opening.”

“Oh,” Blaine said, “I'm not actually looking for a job,” he said.

“You should, though,” Kurt said. “It might be good for you to have something to do other than school, even if you don't need the money.”

Blaine shook his head, but stopped when he realized that it was something he hadn't exactly thought about before. “NYADA is rough,” he said hesitatingly.

Kurt snorted at that. “Rough, yes. But time-intensive? I'm having _two_ jobs beside school, and Rachel got the lead in a Broadway show _and_ her job here. Trust me, it's possible.”

“I guess it would be nice to have something else...”, Blaine said. And wasn't it a part of growing up, too? Even Cooper got a job during college... if you could call the occasional commercial appearance and being a corpse on a crime show jobs.

“You don't have to find something today,” Kurt said, “but you should think about it.”

“I will,” Blaine said.

“So,” Kurt said, “any good stories from NYADA you want to share? I feel like I've been locked up at this place for ages.”

“You mean an amusing story?” Blaine asked. “Because I'm not sure I can think of something right now...”

Kurt got serious immediately. “Why? Did something happen?” He frowned for a second, then it seemed to dawn on him. “Wait, didn't you have class with Carmen Tibideaux today?”

Blaine nodded, unable to keep a sardonic smile out of his face. “I did,” he said. It was...” he paused for a moment, thinking how he could possibly express it. “...not good,” he finished lamely. “Really not good.”

There was warmth, as Kurt put hand onto his wrist. Only then did Blaine notice he had been fidgeting.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kurt asked. For a second, Blaine wondered if it was just a phrase, but when he looked up he could see sincerety in Kurt's eyes.

“I... I really do, yeah,” he said. After all, that was why he had come here. “But... aren't you busy?”

“It's fine, I'm taking a break,” Kurt said. “Tell me.”

“She'll expel me.” He probably should have thought better about what he was going to say, but that was what came out.

Kurt held his hand tighter. “She can't really do that, can she?” he asked.

“Actually, she can, and she has several times already,” Blaine said. “It's actually a miracle that she's been this patient so far.”

“What do you mean?” Kurt asked.

Blaine sighed. “I told you, she's not happy with the way I'm performing. She's said several times she never would have let me in if I had performed that way during my audition. Apparently, she liked that performance so much that she gave me a break for a while. But now she's running out of patience, and she made it pretty clear today that unless I step up soon, I can go look for another school.”

“Wow,” Kurt said, “that's... that's horrible.”

Blaine sighed and pulled his hands back to hide his face in them. “She's right, Kurt,” he said. “I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to love it all, singing and dancing, and just... living it. But ever since I came to New York, it just doesn't work anymore. I... I don't feel it. It's like there was a spark, and now it's gone. Sometimes I can conjure up something that comes close, but only a handful of times, when I'm at home and nobody's listening – so you can imagine how well that translates into a class setting...”

Kurt's voice sounded soft but sure, when he spoke again. “But you're wonderful.”

Blaine looked up in confusion. That warmth that he'd come to associate with Kurt in some moments was blossoming in his chest again, and there was something in his throat. “You never heard me,” he protested weakly.

“But I...” Kurt stopped, then he shook his head hardly noticably. “I have an idea,” he said, “remember how we talked about you playing at the diner?”

Blaine froze. “What?”

Kurt blinked, uncertainty creeping into his expression. “You did agree,” he said. “And this way I'd finally get to hear you. There's nothing that can go wrong, you know that, right? Just play something, sing, and then I'll give you an honest opinion.”

Blaine frowned. “I'm not sure,” he said, “do you really think this would help?”

The smile returned to Kurt's face, and Blaine stared to think it was almost worth a try just for that – but that was not something he was supposed to be thinking about a friend.

“Alright... but what should I play?” he asked.

“Go for a classic, maybe. How about Piano Man? I bet you can play that.”

Blaine frowned. He knew the song, he was reasonbly sure he could play it, and Kurt obviously thought it was a good idea. Still, he was hesitating. Classics were fine, but they also meant a bit of pressure. There was a lot to live up to. He also didn't feel the least bit like the piano man. These days he felt more like a zombie, or braindead or...

Wait. There could be something...

“I think I've got a song,” Blaine said. “You wouldn't happen to have a guitar, too?”

Kurt frowned “Well... yes, but... don't you want to play the piano?”

Blaine smiled. “Not for this one,” he said. He waited patiently, as Kurt went to the bar to get a guitar from somewhere behind it – Blaine wasn't sure why a diner needed one in the first place, but it was probably best not to question the singing waiters diner. He took the guitar offered by Kurt and followed him up to the stage. While Kurt announced him, Blaine tried not to look like an idiot. He was feeling... nervous, and he was pretty sure that was new.

With a last smile of encouragement, Kurt stepped off the stage. Blaine sat down on a bar stool and tried to compose himself. He was still nervous. Was this stage-fright? Just what was happening to him?

He closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself, before he looked at the people currently sitting in the diner. Some were looking at him, though just as many weren't paying any attention. But Kurt was sitting there, looking at him with excitement and confidence, and somehow, Blaine realized he actually wanted to give this a try. Besides, the important thing was to feel the song, wasn't it? And this actually was how he felt... With another deep breath, he let his hands strum the first chord, just to try it out, and then he started to play, soft notes, that sounded as lost as he felt most of the time... and then, the first strummed chord, falling loudly and attracting the attention of everybody in the diner. Picking up a fast rhythm, Blaine let himself fall into the music, and then he sang.

_"Do you feel like a chain store_   
_Practically floored_   
_One of many zeroes_   
_Kicked around bored_   
_Your ears are full but you're empty_   
_Holding out your heart_   
_To people who never really_   
_Care how you are"_

As he started the chorus, his eyes found Kurt's and held his gaze. The longer Blaine kept singing, the easier it was. Now that he was singing – not just going through the motions, but actually feeling it – he couldn't remember how he could have ever lived without it. For a moment, he could forget everything, all his trouble and baggage, and just lose himself in the music.

It felt like flying.

_"So give me coffee and tv, easily,_   
_I've seen so much I'm going blind_   
_And I'm braindead virtually_   
_Sociability is hard enough for me_   
_Take me away from this big bad world_   
_And agree to marry me_   
_So we can start over again..."_

“Oooh, so we can start over again...”

When the final note had ended, the applause started. He heard cheering and realized it was Kurt's voice. Only then did Blaine remember the audience he had played to. It hadn't even mattered to him that there had been people listening, except maybe Kurt.

The spark had returned. Blaine felt so relieved that he could have started to sob. He had almost forgotten what it felt like. There was a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Kurt standing there.

“That was amazing,” he said, as he pulled Blaine into an embrace. Blaine found that his knees were weak, so he just let himself sag against the other boy, safe constant that he was.

“That's... I think that's how it used to be,” Blaine said. He had to blink away tears. But Kurt seemed to understand, just put an arm around him and led him off the stage and back to the table.

“The next time Carmen Tibideaux wants a performance from you, try to channel this,” Kurt said.

“I'll definitely try,” Blaine said. “Thank you so much for this, Kurt.”

“I didn't do anything,” Kurt replied softly. “All you needed was a little push.”

Blaine laughed, and it felt liberating. With a last squeeze to Blaine's hand, Kurt went back to work. For a while, Blaine just leant back and watched him. He felt calm, and right, and _alive_ , as if this was what he should be doing. Most importantly, he felt like himself again, and to his surprise, it felt amazing.

* * *

 

“Thank you for your patience, Ms. Wright is free now, I'll connect you. Please hold.”

Kurt managed to hold back a sigh as he put the call through to Isabelle. Only a few more hours until he would get out. And getting out meant meeting Blaine, back at their usual coffee shop. They hadn't seen each other this morning, and with the last days being really busy, had only really been able to spend some time together when Blaine had played at the diner the other day.

Things at Vogue had gotten really busy this week. Tomorrow, another eccentric, up-and-coming designer was hosting a fashion show and Isabelle had snatched them invitations at basically the last minute. There was some bad blood between the designer and Vogue, but Isabelle had managed to be charming enough to get through to him. Of course, that meant a lot more stress for them before the event – but actually, Kurt was happy to have something to occupy his thoughts.

Ever since the performance at the diner, Kurt's dreams had intensified. They were still single scenes that stayed in his mind with more or less clarity, but slowly he was starting to see an overlying arch, as if there was a timeline from which his subconscious was randomly picking scenes. He was starting to get a feeling where a dream stood in relation to former ones. It was almost as if they were memories from another life.

But that was nothing he could tell Blaine, or anybody else, really. Anyone would think he was losing his mind.

“Oh, Kurt, do you have a moment?”

He looked up as he heard Isabelle's voice, and a moment later, a stack of folders landed on his desk.

“Could you look through these, please? I'm sure I've seen the March pattern somewhere in here, but I just can't find where,” she said.

“Not a problem,” Kurt said.

“What would I do without you?” Isabelle asked. “So, are you excited about tomorrow? Any special someone you need to invite?”

“What... why would you think that?” Kurt asked and tried not to blush.

“You've been happy lately,” Isabelle said. “I was just hoping, is all.”

Before he could say anything else, his phone buzzed.

“Speak of the devil?” Isabelle asked. “You didn't deny it yet, by the way.”

“I know,” Kurt said, and since he apparently had his boss's blessing, he took a glance at his phone. It was a text, and of course it was from Blaine.

“Who is he?” Isabelle asked.

“It's not like that,” Kurt said quickly as he opened the text. “Blaine is jus a friend, nothing's going on there. He has a boyfriend.” He tried, but he was aware that he still sounded slightly bitter about that. His frown deepened as he read the text. Blaine was canceling on him, apparently something had come up with Sebastian that couldn't possibly be postponed, and he'd be busy the whole weekend.

Wonderful.

But when he looked up, Isabelle was staring at him with a shocked expression. “What was his name?” she asked.

“Blaine,” Kurt said, surprised at her reaction, “Blaine Anderson. He's a student at NYADA.”

“Huh,” Isabelle said and blinked a few times. “Well, I'm sure he's wonderful.”

“Wonderful, and just a friend,” Kurt said, in case she had missed it the first time. “Also, too busy with his boyfriend.”

“He has a boyfriend?” Isabelle asked. “Who?”

“Some guy he met in high school,” Kurt answered, “it doesn't matter, really.”

Isabelle still had a preoccupied look on his face, but she nodded. “You're right,” she said, “it doesn't matter. Um, you'll be okay with these?”

“Yes, of course,” Kurt said.

“Right, I have... things. To do. You'll be ready for the lunch meeting?” Isabelle asked.

“I'll be,” Kurt said.

“So, I'll see you then,” Isabelle said and already she was flitting away.

Kurt shook his head looking after her. That was strange, even for Isabelle... But well, now that he had nothing better to do for the rest of the day, he might as well dive right into work.

* * *

 

Maybe he was just running late. It happened. Things at Vogue were busy at the moment, of course there always was a possibility that Kurt got held up. It wasn't that big a deal. They were just meeting for coffee, and okay, it might be the first time this week they'd manage to see each other for more than ten minutes, but it was fine. Kurt was just running late.

He probably even sent a text. He couldn't have known that Blaine would forget his phone at home today. Still, they should have met half an hour ago, and Blaine was still sitting alone at a table, two cups of cooling coffee in front of him, and no sign of Kurt.

Maybe Kurt had canceled. Without his phone, Blaine had no way of knowing. But what could he do? He couldn't wait here forever, but he wasn't looking forward to going home, either.

He had just decided that he'd wait maybe for another twenty minutes, when the door to the coffee shop opened. Blaine looked up at the sound, hoping to see Kurt. To his surprise, it was Sebastian who entered the building.

Blaine tried his best to hide his disappointment as his boyfriend looked around for him. Eventually, Sebatian spotted him and came closer, a smile – almost a smirk – appearing on his face.

“Hey there, killer,” he said as he sank down in the chair opposite Blaine. “And so thoughtful of you.” With that, he took Kurt's coffee and took a sip. He made a face. “Ugh, what's that? Don't they have sugar in this dump?”

“What are you doing here, Sebastian?” Blaine asked. “I thought you had classes all day.”

“Not all day, I'm done,” Sebastian said. He didn't even seem the least bit put-out about the little enthusiasm Blaien showed. “Oh, and I thought you might want this.”

“My phone? Where did you get that?” Blaine asked.

“It was lying around on your nightstand,” Sebastian said with a shrug, “and I know how attached you are to that thing. Honestly, I'm surprised you let it out of your sight for five minutes. Other people might get suspicious...”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It's just a line, Blaine, can you relax for once,” Sebastian said as he rolled his eyes.

“You're hilarious,” Blaine deadpanned. He quickly checked his phone, but there were no notifications. For a moment he feared Sebastian might have read a text from Kurt – though there was nothing incriminating in them, they were just friends texting – but when he checked he could see no new texts from Kurt, and no calls either.

“And since you weren't at school, I figured you'd be hanging around here,” Sebastian continued. “Where's your girlfriend, by the way? Not around?”

“Kurt is not here,” Blaine said, “and don't call him that.”

“Whatever,” Sebastian said, “but if you have nothing planned, why don't you come home with me? I have a surprise for you.”

Blaine frowned. “What kind of surprise?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “You're gonna like this one, trust me,” he said.

“I do.” The words came to his lips involuntarily, because of course he trusted his boyfriend. As they stood up and left the coffee shop, Sebastian took his hand. Blaine wondered if it had always felt so cold.


	7. I Don't Want To Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: Infidelity rears its head for the first time.

 

* * *

No new messages. No calls, no texts, no mails, no facebook notifications, nothing.

Not that this was a new thing. There weren't many people Blaine kept in contact with, so really, it was more unusual if there _was_ a message on his phone. And usually, he didn't mind, but right now he'd really prefer to hear from Kurt. After he'd gotten his phone back, he'd sent a text, asking where he had been and if everything was okay. When there hadn't been an answer till morning, he tried texting again, and eventually had called him, but the call hadn't been answered. Blaine wasn't sure if he was supposed to be worried or annoyed. It would be easier if he had someone to talk to, but there was only Sebastian, and bringing up Kurt around him was a horrible idea.

Maybe he was being ungrateful. He should be happier with the relationship he had. The thought made him look up from his phone and to the bed, where two new, beautifully tailored tuxedoes were hanging. Tonight, they'd visit a fashion show – because Sebastian was a good boyfriend, who took Blaine to see things he himself wasn't even interested in. Blaine had read articles about the designer – Kurt had given him articles, actually – and some of his work had been mind-blowing. He should be more excited about going. He _was_ excited about going.

And yet, what he focused on was that there were no notifications on his phone. Maybe the real question should be why Sebatian even bothered.

“Well, you look cheery,” Sebastian said as he entered the room. “Come on, lunch is ready, and by ready I mean delivered.”

“Thanks,” Blaine said as he followed into the kitchen. He managed to put his phone in his pocket as he looked at the pasta they'd be having.

“So, what's got you in such a funk today?” Sebastian asked.

“It's nothing,” Blaine said dismissively, “I just didn't sleep that well.”

“Do you ever?” Sebastian asked, and Blaine thought there was the slightest hint of annoyance in his voice.

“I'm so sorry if my issues are an inconvenience to you,” Blaine said, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

“That's not what I meant,” Sebastian said with an exasperated sigh. “Don't act like this is easy on me. But at least I'm trying.”

“What do you want from me, Sebastian?” Blaine asked. He felt exhausted, even by this small conversation. It wasn't as if he didn't want to get better. But what could he possibly do?

Sebastian looked at him with a pained expression, as if he was desperately holding back the words he really wanted to say. But after a few moments, he seemed to calm down. With a new resolve, he took Blaine's hand.

“A smile would be nice for a start,” he said.

Blaine blinked at him in confusion. “What?” he asked. Hadn't they just been at the brink of a fight?

“I know you're hurt,” Sebastian said, “and I know you're lonely. I'm probably being unfair to you. All that went down at your old school, now the big move to New York... and I spend so much time with people from school, of course you feel even more alone now. That probably doesn't help you with your issues. But I'm trying, okay? I'm trying to make this work, but I need you to meet me halfway, Blaine. Because let's be honest. Those people I meet at school? None of them matters. All that matters is you and me. So... don't shut me out.”

“I'm not,” Blaine said on reflex, although he wasn't completely convinced it was true. He didn't want to have this conversation anymore. But something Sebastian said, rang way too true for him. Sebastian had friends, a life in this city. Blaine had been isolated, hadn't managed to befriend anyone, and had struggled in school – well, until he had met Kurt. He had lost contact to his friends at Dalton, his family wasn't talking to him... For so long it had felt as if Sebastian was all he had in this world. But why was that? Was it him? Did he drive everybody away and Sebastian was the only one who could stand staying?

If so, how long would it take for Kurt to leave?

And here he was, back to being ungrateful again.

Sebastian was still watching him, as if he was waiting for him to say something else.

“I'll try, too,” Blaine said eventually. “I... I want us to work.”

“Good,” Sebastian said and squeezed Blaine's hand once before letting go. “Let's make tonight a fresh start, alright?”

Blaine nodded, trying to at least look convinced.

* * *

 The show was amazing. Most of the designs had been kept secret before the show, and as the former work, they were breathtaking. Bold mixes of colors that should be clashing but somehow worked together, unusual cuts, but every piece felt fresh and somehow energetic. Blaine wasn't sure if he'd ever dare to wear anything even close to those designs, but some of the male models had worn pieces that were so amazing that he wished he could have them.

He figured if he asked, Sebastian would buy all of them, but it wasn't something he'd ever actually consider. Instead, he looked around at the other guests. He could already see a cloud of reporters swarming the designer, now that the show was over. At the moment, he was talking to a tall, blonde woman in a breath-taking dress, who was closely followed by...

No way.

“Seen anything you like?” Sebastian asked, raising his eyebrows as if he'd made a joke.

“What?” Blaine turned around to his boyfriend immediately.

“The show. Did you see anything you liked?” Sebastian repeated and looked at him as if he was slightly crazy.

“Well, some designs,” Blaine said. “Those last few especially, they were brilliant.”

“Really? I mean, it's fine for a runway, but what kind of person would actually wear those?” Sebastian asked.

“Not the complete outfit,” Blaine argued, “not as everyday clothing, but some combinations... they could really work.”

“Right,” Sebastian said, slightly rolling his eyes. “Well, I guess different people have different sense in fashion.”

“You wear nothing but suits, Sebastian. Most people would say your sense of fasion is atrophied,” Blaine said.

“Like you don't miss the uniform,” Sebastian said.

“Actually, I don't,” Blaine said. “I'm surprised you do.”

“Whatever,” Sebastian said, with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “But you enjoyed yourself?”

Blaine closed his eyes for a second. He would stay calm. There was no reason to fight with Sebastian. “Yes, thank you,” he said, “it was really a good idea to come.”

“Yeah, well, my mom got an invitation and she can't exactly skip over from France, so... Lucky us,” Sebastian said. “Let's hope the rest of the party is worth it... Wait here? I'll get us drinks,” Sebastian said.

“Thanks,” Blaine said, hoping he didn't seem too distracted. He waited a moment longer until Sebastian disappeared between the other guests, then he turned around back to where the designer was talking to more reporters. The blonde woman was still talking to him, but her companion was standing a few feet off, busy texting.

He hadn't been wrong. It was Kurt.

Without thinking, Blaine made his way through the room, avoiding the other guests mingling around, and came to a stop right in front of Kurt, who was still completely focussed on his phone. Blaine couldn't help but sneak a glance at the display. Apparently it was something work-related, but the conversation was coming to an end. After a last send, Kurt finally looked up.

His eyes widened, but it didn't seem to be an unwelcome sight. “Blaine? What are you doing here?”

“Watching the show,” Blaine said. “Well, that's what I came here for. What about you? I thought the designer hates Vogue.”

“People find it extremely difficult to hate Isabelle,” Kurt said with a shrug. “So... you're here with Sebastian?”

“Oh,” Blaine said, surprised by this turn of the conversation, “well, yeah... he's getting drinks.“

“Great,” Kurt said, but it sounded obviously insincere.

“So... yesterday,” Blaine started.

“It's fine,” Kurt said, “Don't worry about it. I was really busy at Vogue anyway.”

Blaine blinked in confusion. That wasn't exactly what he'd expected. “Well, yeah, I get it, I bet you had a lot to do... You still could have texted. Or you know, answered my texts. I was waiting for you.”

“Why would you?” Kurt asked and looked completely perplexed. “Or... wait, texts? I only got the first, when you canceled. Did something change?”

“Wait, canceled?” Blaine asked. “I didn't cancel.”

“Yes, you did,” Kurt said. “See?” He started tapping on his phone, and a moment later held it out to Blaine. There it was, a text that Blaine never sent, canceling their meeting on behalf of spending the weekend with Sebastian. What Blaine failed to find were the texts he had actually sent.

“Blaine?”

“I didn't write that,” Blaine said. “I didn't... wait, when was that sent?” He checked the time, and couldn't hold back an outraged sound. “I didn't write that,” he said, more certain this time. “I forgot my phone yesterday, I only got it back in the afternoon. I didn't even have it with me when this was written.”

Kurt frowned. “So, what...?”

“Sebastian must have sent that,” Blaine said. “I can't believe him! Who does something like that?”

“Then what texts did you send?” Kurt asked.

“Well, I waited at the coffee shop, and you didn't show up, so basically they were texts about where you were and if anything happened,” Blaine said, taking out his own phone. “See?”

“I never got those,” Kurt said with a frown.

“But they were sent,” Blaine said. “What's going on here?”

“I'm not sure... Call me right now,” Kurt said.

Blaine followed the instruction. The call was coming through, but Kurt's phone stayed completely silent. Kurt looked at the phones, checked the number on Blaine's phone, but didn't find anything that would explain things.

“Let me, then,” Kurt said and called Blaine's phone. Again, no call came through. “This is weird. It's been working with every other number.” He seemed to think about something, and finally, something seemed to dawn on him. “Give me your phone.”

“Uh, why?” Blaine asked, even as he held out his phone to Kurt who took it and fiddled around with it.

“I knew it,” he said finally, “remember installing this app?”

Blaine looked at the phone and frowned. “Forbid? I never even heard of that,” he said in confusion.

“Santana told me about it, she got it on her phone after she broke up with her high school girlfriend,” Kurt said. “It's supposed to stop people from contacting their ex – or anybody they shouldn't call. You enter a number and it's blocked on the phone, and all calls or texts go to a different number. And now let's see... Oh look at that, my number's in there.”

“I don't believe this,” Blaine said. “Come on, we're dealing with this right now.” He took Kurt's wrist and dragged him along as he went in the general direction of the bar. Through the cleared-up crowd, he could even see Sebastian, who was talking to some guy in a suit, two glasses in his hands.

“Care to explain this?”

Blaine didn't even bother with politeness, but held the phone directly under Sebastian's nose, the Forbid app still opened.

“What are you... what's _he_ doing here? Is he stalking you now?” Sebastian asked, immediately focussing on Kurt.

“I'm here for work,” Kurt said, a scathing tone in his voice, “not that you'd understand the concept of that.”

“And it's also not what we're talking about,” Blaine said. “You messed with my phone!”

“Yeah, I'll leave you to that,” the suit guy said, “see you in school, Bas.” And with a wink to Sebastian, he turned away and left.

To his credit, Sebastian at least focused on the conversation at hand instead of his acquaintance. “I didn't do anything,” he said, but Blaine could tell it was a lie.

“Right, you didn't do anything. You didn't send a text from my phone, and you didn't install this ridiculous thing on it,” Blaine said. “What were you even thinking?”

“Yeah, what was I thinking?” Sebastian said, obviously at the end of his patience now. “Maybe I was thinking that I don't want my boyfriend meeting other people behind my back.”

“Behind your back?” Blaine stared at him in disbelief. “I'm meeting a friend from school, which – by the way – you're doing all the time! You can't just mess around with my phone, Sebastian! What were you even trying to do with that? I see Kurt in school almost every day, did you really think this wouldn't come out?”

Sebastian finally started to look embarrassed. “Fine, it was rash and stupid, but what was I supposed to do? I don't want you around him, Blaine! So I saw your phone there, I remembered the app... What are you getting mad about? It's not a big deal!”

“Not a big deal?” Blaine asked, not caring if anybody noticed his raised voice. “Of course, it's a big deal! I thought I could trust you, but apparently I was wrong there.”

“Don't you talk to me about a breach of trust, Blaine,” Sebastian said, a dangerous glint in his eyes, “because guess what, that's what you're doing to me everytime you go to see _him_.”

“Excuse me?” Kurt said, but for once Blaine couldn't focus on him. It was all coming back now, the previous fights about Kurt, the silence and avoidance, all the things they had _not_ fought about and just pretended didn't exist – it all came back in a rush of anger, unlike anything he could remember ever feeling about Sebastian, even though the feeling was more familiar than he cared to admit.

“We're _friends_ , Sebastian! How often do I have to say it until you understand the concept? You act like we're having an affair or something. We're not! We're having coffee, for Christ's sake! You're meeting your friends all the time, you have study groups about three times a week, and you're spending time with guys all the time – you know, like the one you were just talking to. Do I just assume you're hooking up with that guy?”

“Well, maybe I am!”

For a moment, everything seemed to be completely silent, as if the whole room had heard Sebastian's words. Blaine could see the exact moment his boyfriend realized just what he had said. Beside him, he could see Kurt's eyes widen in disbelief. He himself felt... shocked, maybe? But distant, so very distant as if this wasn't happening to him.

“What did you just say?” Blaine heard himself ask. He didn't even know why he wanted to hear it, once should have been enough, shouldn't it?

There was a very specific kind of regret in Sebastian's eyes, that said he was sorry – for getting caught, or more likely exposing himself. But there was also spite, refusal to show any real regret for his actions. “A few times, so what? A guy has needs, Blaine!”

“So I-”

“ _You_ have _issues_ ,” Sebastian spat out.

“So this is your way of trying to make this work?” Blaine asked, the words from earlier tasting bitter on his tongue. “Well, maybe you shouldn't bother, then.”

He turned around, unable to look at Sebastian's face right now. He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye and could hear Sebastian's voice calling for him at the same moment his hand landed on Blaine's shoulder. The reaction came so involuntarily and so powerful that it surprised Blaine himself, but this time he didn't suppress it. Almost violently, he shook the hand off and shot a warning look at Sebastian.

“Don't touch me!”

There was enough venom in his voice to make Sebastian take a step back. Blaine would never admit it, but the words and that reaction made him feel more in control than anything he could remember doing lately.

“I'm leaving. God, I can't even stand to look at you right now. Just leave me alone, Sebastian. If you care about us even the slightest bit, you leave me alone!”

Sebastian recoiled, but Blaine didn't stay to watch. In fact, he couldn't stay here a minute longer. He felt so ridiculously stupid. Why hadn't he seen that coming? Hadn't Sebastian always liked the image of being a player? It was surprising enough that he'd stay in a long-term relationship anyway, apparently expecting him to be faithful was asking too much. But he had seemed so devoted... so insistant on trying to make them work... Or was that just guilt?

And what would happen now? Was this the point where Sebastian decided he was tired of Blaine and his issues? Or was it the point where he himself had to decide whether this was the relationship he wanted?

How could he even walk away from this? He couldn't. Even if he wanted, he didn't have anyone. He had no job, no place to live, no family around to help, exactly one friend... he was completely dependent on Sebastian. And if he wasn't...

He only noticed that he was outside, when he felt the rain falling onto his face. Somehow he had left the party, somehow he had gotten his coat on the way, and now he was outside, alone, and of course, without an umbrella. But maybe the cool air could help him get his thoughts in order.

He was about to start his walk home, when he heard a voice calling his name.

* * *

 What Kurt really wanted to do was punch Sebastian's ridiculous, disgusting meercat face. He would have settled for throwing a drink at him, but even that wasn't an option right now.

“You're disgusting,” he hissed, as he couldn't think of anything else he could do in this setting, before he turned his back to the weasel and went after Blaine.

He didn't get very far, when he suddenly found his way blocked by Isabelle.

“Kurt, what is-”

“I'm sorry,” he said quickly, “but I have to go. There's... something came up.”

“I saw that,” Isabelle said and nodded over to where Sebastian was still standing as if in shock. “Was that him? That boy who left, was that Blaine?”

“Yes, and I think he needs me right now,” Kurt said, “so, please, I'm sorry, but I-”

“And that boy over there... That is the boyfriend you talked about?”

“Sebastian, yes,” Kurt said, “but that doesn't matter right now.”

“I don't believe this,” Isabelle said, shaking her head. “Can you believe this?”

Kurt blinked, confused at why she was acting that way, but he had more urgent concerns right now. “I need to go after Blaine,” he said.

“What? Oh, yes, of course, you have to look after him,” Isabelle said, “but we need to talk about this. Tomorrow, maybe, I'll send you a mail. God, such a horrible thing to do...”

Kurt still wasn't sure what she was talking about, but he had gotten the permission to leave that he was hoping for, and with a quick goodbye continued to go after Blaine. He had lost him now in between the people, so he just tried his luck by going outside.

After a quick stop to get his coat and umbrella, he stepped outside into the rain. He looked around, scanning for umbrellas, but then he noticed a figure on the sidewalk, walking without anything protecting him from the rain.

“Blaine!” Kurt called out. “Blaine, wait!”

He didn't turn around, but he stopped and a few seconds later, Kurt had caught up with him.

“Blaine?” he said again, and carefully put a hand on the other boy's shoulder, almost expecting it to be thrown off. But Blaine just turned his head to look at him. He looked so helpless, and confused. There were what seemed to be tear marks on his face, but his eyes showed no redness, and his voice when he spoke was so normal, that Kurt wondered if it was just the rain.

“Sorry about that scene,” he said, “that didn't go the way I thought it would.”

“Blaine...” Kurt said. It was more of an instinct than a choice that made him step forward and put his arms around the other boy. For a split second he worried it might be unwelcome, but then Blaine returned the embrace, putting his head against Kurt's shoulder. It was something that seemed completely familiar from his dreams, but in reality... it was even more, and he had to remind himself that this was not the point right now, that Blaine needed him as a friend.

“I'm sorry,” Kurt said softly.

“Don't be,” Blaine replied, “it's not your fault.”

“I know that, I just... I hate you being upset.”

Blaine sighed and stepped back, but still stayed under the umbrella. “It really shouldn't have come as such a surprise,” he said with a shrug. He was trying to sound detached, but Kurt could see right through it.

There were a million things he could say, about how it was okay to be upset, how Blaine deserved so much better than this guy, but what he eventually settled on, was “He's an ass.”

Blaine let out a sound that could have been a laugh or could have been a sob, it was impossible to tell. “He is, isn't he?” he asked softly. “God, I feel so...” Blaine stopped, as if he was looking for the right words.

“Hurt?” Kurt suggested.

Blaine paused now and looked directly at him. “Stupid,” he said. “Surprised, and stupid for being surprised, and really embarrassed.”

Kurt blinked in surprise. That was not what he had expected. Then again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to correctly name his feelings if he was in a situation like that. This was probably not the right point to discuss semantics.

“Let me take you home,” he said instead. “You're upset, you shouldn't walk around the city in this state.”

For a second Blaine looked as if he wanted to argue, but then he sighed and looked down. “Thank you,” he said, “that's probably the best idea.” He put his hands into his pocket and started to frown. “oh no...” he muttered.

“What is it?” Kurt asked.

“I don't have any keys,” Blaine said. When he looked up again, he looked completely helpless again. “Wow, look at me, I can't even get into the apartment without Sebatian around. How am I supposed to get anything done?”

“Hey, stop,” Kurt said. It looked as if Blaine was already in the process of driving himself insane about this, and he was determined not to let it happen. “You're not dealing with him tonight. Tomorrow is another day, you can think about it then. Right now, you're coming with me. We have a couch you can sleep on, my roommates should be out. We'll just watch some silly movies and have a sleepover, and tomorrow, things will look different, okay?”

Blaine stared at him, as if he couldn't believe Kurt was real. “Are you serious?” he asked. “You'd do that for me?”

“Come on, I'll call us a cab,” Kurt said as an answer.

* * *

As he had predicted, the girls were both out when they came home, and after a short tour through the loft and opening a bottle of wine, they had sat down in front of the TV for an impromptu Disney marathon.

At first, it seemed to work. After a few scenes, Blaine had seemingly relaxed. But now, with the climax getting closer, Kurt could tell that the distraction had stopped working. Blaine was sitting beside him, his eyes straight on the TV screen, but Kurt could tell that he was miles away. There was a lost expression on his face, and he was fiddling with the blanket they were using for warmth.

“This isn't helping, is it?” Kurt asked.

Blaine looked up immediately. “No,” he said, “it's... it's fine, it's good. I just...”

“Too much on your mind?” Kurt suggested. “It's okay, I get it. I had just hoped that it could distract you.”

“It did, at first,” Blaine said, “I just have too much to think about now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kurt asked.

Blaine sighed and pulled the blankets higher. “I have no idea what to do now,” he admitted. “I still feel like I shouldn't be too surprised about it. I also feel like I should do something, but I don't have the slightest idea what.”

“Dumping the ass could be considered a good first step,” Kurt said. It was only half-joking.

Blaine sighed, and to his surprise Kurt saw him shaking his head. “It's not that easy,” he said.

“What do you mean? It seems pretty straight-forward to me,” Kurt said.

“Where am I supposed to go?” Blaine asked. “We're living together. Well... I'm living with him. His apartment, his money, it's all his. I have nothing, Kurt.”

“So you're just going to stay with him because you depend on him?” Kurt asked. “That's not healthy, Blaine.”

“It works for us,” Blaine said, and now there was a hint of annoyance in his voice. “But it's not just that, I... I need him, Kurt.”

“What for? To make you feel like crap?”

“Don't. It's... it's not always like that,” Blaine said, “I know I love him, Kurt. And he's all I have.”

Kurt had his mouth already open to start a response when the last sentence sank in. “Wait, what do you mean?”

Blaine sighed, and now Kurt could see how tired he looked. “Remember when I said that all my friends are from my time at Dalton?”

“Yeah...?”

“Well, that was a lie,” Blaine said. “I didn't want to look like some kind of antisocial loner to you. The truth is, I'm not in contact with any of them. I haven't heard from or talked to them since graduation. I haven't been close to my parents since I came out. And my brother... let's not even start with Cooper. Sebastian is the only one I have, the only person who cares about me.”

“I care about you.”

The response came involuntarily. Blaine looked up at him in surprise, and something similar to awe. The expression alone would have been enough to break Kurt's heart. He didn't know what to do, so he took Blaine's hand and squeezed it softly.

“I do,” he said again.

“I believe you,” Blaine said, “although I really don't understand why.”

No, he had been wrong. This here, this was heartbreaking. But that was not what was needed from him right now. “You'll figure it out,” he said instead. “Don't worry, I'll be around until you do – and after.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It is,” Kurt said. “And I know it's scary – but you are not dependent on him. You don't have to stay with him, not after he hurt you like that.”

Blaine shook his head and looked away. “I'm not sure I'm even hurt,” he said, “I really mostly feel stupid, and I have no idea how to react to that.”

Kurt sighed, but didn't let go of Blaine's hand. “You don't have to figure it out right now,” he said, “I just want you to know that you have more than one option.”

Blaine smiled softly. “Thank you. I'm really glad you've been there tonight.”

“Anytime,” Kurt breathed. He was sure he was flustered, and as they looked at each other he could see the color rising in Blaine's cheeks, too.

But that was not a good idea, not tonight, not like this.

“So... do you want to try again?” Kurt asked and pointed at the screen.

“It's worth a shot,” Blaine said as he turned to the screen as well. “Let's do it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The app mentioned is losely based on the "Forbid" app from the second season of Girls. I'm not sure if this is actually a thing, though.


	8. Nothing Here Is Real, Nothing Here Is Right

* * *

“ _It's never really felt like I've been getting to know you, it's always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over, for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I've found you so soon in this lifetime because all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. So, Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?"_

The yes was still on Kurt's lips as he woke up. Confused, he looked at the ceiling, and for a moment, he didn't understand where he was. He had been standing on a staircase, surrounded by a crowd, and Blaine...

Oh. Of course. It had just been another dream. There had been no proposal, definitely not with what looked like several choirs singing to him – although he wouldn't have thought he could even dream up a proposal like that. But these dreams had been surprising him for a while now.

With a sigh, Kurt pulled the sheets higher. Although reality had come flooding back into his mind, he could still almost feel the ring on his finger. When he looked at his hand, it was bare, of course, but still... there was almost a kind of phantom weight on it.

Soft laughter from outside the curtains tore Kurt out of his thoughts. Now that he strained his ears, he could hear voices talking very carefully. That wasn't unusual, but then he realized that one of the voices was male. Suddenly, he remembered. Blaine had slept on their couch tonight. And by the sound of it, he had met Rachel.

Kurt got out of bed, determined to save Blaine from his diva friend, but when he stepped outside, he saw that he didn't really need to worry. The two of them were sitting at the table, cups of freshly brewed coffee in front of them, and talking in soft, but excited voices. For a moment Kurt could imagine them as old friends, maybe with a side of competitiveness and he tried to remember if he'd had any dreams in which these two had appeared together. While they mostly focused on Blaine, on occasion other members of glee club and some boys in private school uniform that Kurt assumed to be warblers had appeared, sometimes even Rachel.

What if she felt the same familiarity about Blaine? What if it wasn't just in his head after all?

But before he could finish the thought, Blaine had spotted him and waved him over.

“Good morning!” Rachel said with a beaming smile. She was way too happy for someone who had just worked a full night shift.

“I hope we didn't wake you?” Blaine said.

“No, it's fine,” Kurt said as he sat down beside him. Blaine offered him some of his coffee, and Kurt gratefully took a sip. “I see you've met Rachel.”

“I did,” Blaine said.

“You didn't mention he's such a charmer,” Rachel said and there was the hint of a giggle in her voice.

“I guess it didn't come up,” Kurt said, although he was very sure that he had mentioned it. “Did you sleep well?” he asked, turning to Blaine. Now that he got a closer look at the other boy, he noticed that Blaine seemed a lot more relaxed than usual. His hair was slightly damp and there was a towel around his shoulders. Apparently, he had taken a shower already while Kurt was still asleep. Instead of the PJs Kurt had lent him he was wearing his clothes from yesterday, minus the jacket, and a few of the buttons on his shirt open. Kurt wasn't surprised at all that Rachel was charmed by him.

“I'm not sure I slept this well in ages,” Blaine said. “Thank you for letting me stay here.”

“It's nothing,” Kurt said. He took another sip from the cup, before he remembered it wasn't even his coffee. He offered it back to Blaine, who accepted it with a smile. It could have been such a nice, intimate routine, but instead, it felt almost stilted to Kurt. He knew, why, of course. There was still the elephant in the room, and he had no idea how to address I – the question, what Blaine was going to do now.

At least Rachel seemed to notice something was going on, because she stood up with a dramatic sigh. “I think I'll go lie down for a while. Have a nice morning, boys!” Before she disappeared behind her own curtains, she threw a look at Kurt that said they'd talk about this later, and that was so unsubtle, that he was sure Blaine could read it completely.

“So, that was Rachel,” Kurt said as she had disappeared from view. “I hope she behaved herself.”

“We talked a bit,” Blaine said, “it was... really helpful.”

“Oh?” Kurt said and looked directly at him. “How so?”

He knew nothing good would come out of it, when Blaine involuntarily averted his eyes before answering. “I'm going to talk to Sebastian,” he said.

“...and hopefully tell him to go to hell?”

“I told you, it's not that easy,” Blaine said, and the tension crept back into his shoulders.

“And I told you, you have options,” Kurt said.

“It's not just that,” Blaine protested, “we've been together for two years. And it's not easy for him, either. I'm not excusing what he did, but I can't throw this away. I have to talk to him.”

“Blaine, I-”

“Kurt, please.” Blaine finally looked up and directly at him. “I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trying to figure things out. I know you're trying to look out for me, but I have to figure this out myself. You disagree with what I'm doing, but... I have to. So, can you at least try to understand me?”

Kurt had a few ideas on what to reply to that, but he bit his tongue. None of them were appropriate. “I'm worried about you,” he said instead, “I don't want you to get hurt.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said, “but I don't think you can prevent that.”

Kurt sighed. “I know.”

Blaine smiled, but he looked down again. Kurt hoped it was because he wasn't so sure of this as he said.

“I should go home soon,” Blaine said after a few moments of silence. “I have about two dozen messages on my phone.”

“If you insist,” Kurt said, “but you know you can always come back here, right?”

Blaine looked at him again, and the gratitude in his eyes was a hundred percent genuine. “Thank you.”

Kurt still had a bad feeling about the whole thing as Blaine eventually left the loft. His first instinct was to walk after him and convince him to stay. The second instinct was to hurry to the window and watch him leave from there. He was stopped from both, when Rachel returned, just to step right in front of him.

“Kurt, what are you doing?”

Well, they were off to a good start.

“I don't know what you're talking about, Rachel,” Kurt said. “What's your problem now? You were getting along perfectly with him just a moment ago.”

“I was, he's lovely, but that is not the point,” Rachel said.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at her, silently challenging her to elaborate.

“The point is that he has a boyfriend, who you already mentioned is really jealous of you, and now, the second they're having a fight, you're having Blaine over? Kurt, you're playing with fire here. He needs to figure things out with his boyfriend, not get confused when he's in a vulnerable state.”

“Okay, what do you think we were doing?” Kurt asked. “They had a fight, he didn't want to see Sebastian, and he didn't have his keys on him. He slept on the couch, nothing happened and nothing was ever going to happen. Besides, he doesn't need to figure things out with his boyfriend, he needs to dump that ass and start standing on his own feet.”

“Look, I don't know what they're fighting about,” Rachel said, “but you don't want to interfere with that, trust me. I've been there, Kurt. And even if they break up and he'd turn to you... it wouldn't be real. It would be pain and confusion, and in the end you'd be the one getting hurt. I know we don't always see eye to eye anymore, but I'm trying to look out for you, Kurt.”

“Which I didn't ask you to,” Kurt said, but there wasn't much bite behind it. He knew that she was right. It still didn't change the feeling that things were not what they were supposed to be. But it wasn't Rachel's fault.

“I know it's not easy,” Rachel said softly and put a hand on his arm, “but you have to let it go, Kurt, at least for now.”

“I'm trying to be a good friend, Rachel,” Kurt said with an exasperated sigh, “and I know he's with Sebastian, and I'm trying to be supportive... but he deserves so much better. You haven't seen them together. Sebastian is terrible. He's possessive, domineering, jealous...”

“Well, you are kind of interested in his boyfriend, wouldn't you be jealous if you were him?” Rachel asked.

Kurt involuntarily flashed back to that dream in which Sebastian had made an appearance, and found that he couldn't deny it.

“I wouldn't be so controlling, though,” he said, “I wouldn't try to forbid him from meeting his friends. And I wouldn't go and sleep my way through my study groups.”

“Wait, are you saying that's what his boyfriend is doing?” Rachel asked. “I had no idea... Blaine just said they were fighting, nothing about all that...”

“I guess that's just the way he is,” Kurt said. “But I can't stand seeing them together, Rachel. It's just...” He stopped, before he said something that would sound completely ridiculous. Unfortunately, Rachel knew him too well and had of course picked up on it.

“What, Kurt?”

For a moment he hesitated. He longed to share this with someone, but he still thought it sounded ridiculous himself.

“He seems so familiar,” was what he eventually settled on. “To me, at least. When I talk to him, when we go somewhere... I have the weirdest sense of déjà-vû, Rachel. Like I know him already, and my brain is just trying to remember him again.”

“You mean like from another life?” Rachel asked. To Kurt's relief she sounded intrigued rather than incredulous.

Kurt frowned, thinking about it. “It's more like scenes from my life, but altered to make room for him – meeting him at Dalton, him sitting with me during glee club... even on the stage, singing One Hand One Heart with you...”

“He would make a good Tony,” Rachel said in a contemplative tone, before she snapped out of it. “Wait, what do you mean, you see him? Like daydreams or like hallucinations?”

“Dreams, mostly,” Kurt admitted finally. “I've had them since the day I met him. I dream scenes from my life that have him in them. And no, they're not normal dreams. I've tried to convince myself of that, but... they feel like memories, Rachel. They actually feel more real than a lot of memories I have from the last three years.”

Rachel was completely serious now, and her face was full of concern as she looked at him. “But... Kurt, that is...”

“Impossible,” Kurt finished for her, “I know, but... they feel real, Rachel, and I've dreamed some things about him that I later found out were true, that I couldn't have known. I don't really understand it, either, but I'm drawn to him. So... I can't really let it go, can I?”

Rachel nodded slowly. “It's... weird, and a bit concerning. But it also kind of sounds like...”

“Like I'm losing my mind?” Kurt suggested.

“Like soulmates,” Rachel finished. “At least how I imagined soulmates should be. Somebody you already know and just have to re-discover.”

Kurt stared at her in disbelief. He was relieved that she didn't think he was insane, but he hadn't expected her to be this supportive. “You don't think I've lost my mind then?” he asked carefully, although it felt like challenging fate.

“I think it means he's really important to you,” Rachel said diplomatically. “I'm not saying it's the only explanation, but I do believe that you care about him very much. Can you just please promise me to be careful with yourself? I don't want you to get in too deep. This has so much potential of hurting you.”

Kurt sighed. “I know,” he said, “but I'm a bit afraid it's too late for that.”

Rachel looked at him with a look that was almost pity, but before she could say something, Kurt's phone went off.

“It's Isabelle,” he said after taking a look. “She was weird yesterday...And she wants to see me later. I hope it wasn't a problem that I left early...”

“She's like your fairy godmother, Kurt, I don't think you'll get in trouble if you explain it to her,” Rachel said.

“I should get ready, though,” Kurt said.

“Alright,” Rachel said, “I think I'll really go and nap a bit. I'm glad we talked, though.”

“Me too, Rachel. Thank you.”

She smiled at him for a moment, and hugged him quickly before she left him to his thoughts.

For a moment, he wondered whether he should have told her about his last dream. Now that he was alone, Kurt closed his eyes and let his memories wander back to the images – the way Blaine had looked at him, how _happy_ he'd felt, the ring...

The ring.

He knew that ring

Almost frantic, Kurt hurried to his wardrobe and started to search. He knew he had seen this ring before. He had vague memories of having a ring on his finger, but had taken it of – it had looked too much like an engagement ring, and he had no reason to wear one.

After a while, he did find it, hidden underneath scarves. He had been right. It was exactly the ring he had seen in his dreams.

But what did it mean? Was it proof that he dreamed of something that actually happened – or did he just work what he knew into the dream, like this ring?

Slowly, Kurt put the ring onto his finger. He stared at his hand, that looked at the same time strange and familiar. The metal was cold, heavy... but it had made him feel so warm, so happy...

“It's not real,” Kurt muttered, “just dreams.”

He couldn't even convince himself.

It was the signal tone of a text message that tore him out of his thoughts. As he checked his messages he found another text from Isabelle. Still a bit shaken, he took off the ring and put it back into the box it was resting in. He had things to do.

* * *

 Despite what he had told Kurt earlier, Blaine wasn't sure of what he was doing at all. Of course he felt upset about what Sebastian had done and said, though the most unsettling thing was that after the shock had worn off, he could almost understand it. Blaine knew that he couldn't be an easy boyfriend to have. He had his issues, his moods, the migraines, most of all those cursed nightmares. His first instinctive reaction to affectionate touches was to flinch away, he didn't feel passionate about their relationship, or much of anything, really. Occasionally, he couldn't even stand being touched. Who wanted all that in a boyfriend? Could he blame Sebastian for wanting to get away from it, at least once in a while? Shouldn't he rather be grateful that he hadn't been dumped weeks ago?

Well, with that attitude, it would be easy to just go back, talk things out, forgive Sebastian and pretend nothing ever happened.

But there was a voice at the back of his head protesting, needling him to stand up for himself for once and not let Sebastian walk all over him. The only question was if he was actually able to.

Now, he was standing in front of their apartment door, but he couldn't get himself to ring the bell. He wasn't even sure if Sebastian was still there, although the dozens of messages he had on his phone suggested that he was. Blaine's fingers were starting to prickle, something he had learned to recognize as a sure sign of a bout of migraine. He really didn't want to have a confrontation when another one of those was about to hit...

Courage, he told himself, and finally pressed the button.

For a moment, everything was silent, then he could hear steps. The door was pulled open and he was standing in front of Sebastian. He looked in bad shape, with dark shadows under his eyes, and secretly, Blaine got a bit of satisfaction from that. A second later, he was engulfed in a tight hug. Instinctively he tried to pull away. Sebastian froze when he noticed it and stepped back, as well.

“Where were you?” Sebastian asked. He had the gall to sound accusing.

“Does it matter?” Blaine asked. “I was out. I told you, I didn't want to see you.”

“You were with him, weren't you?” Sebastian asked.

Blaine stared at him in disbelief. “Are you serious?” he asked.

“I was worried sick, Blaine! I was up all night, waiting for you to come home. I must have left a dozen messages on your phone. And instead of caring, you go and hook up with _him_ of all people?”

“Hook up?” Blaine repeated. “I didn't have my keys with me, so I stayed with a friend. On his couch.”

“Oh, spare me the details,” Sebastian said. “I guess that at least makes us even now.”

Blaine's jaw dropped and for a moment all he could do was to stare at Sebastian, hoping he had misheard something. But as he felt the first throbs of pain in his head, he realized that yes, Sebastian had actually said that. “Are you serious?” he asked. “Nothing happened! We watched a movie and talked, that's all – not that you get to attack me on anything. You're the one who cheated on me, Sebastian, not the other way round. And funny enough, you still don't even pretend you're sorry!”

Sebastian let out a belting laugh. “Is that all you want? An apology? Fine, I'm sorry! Happy now?”

“No, I'm _not_ happy!” Blaine's voice was raised just as high now, and all thoughts of reconciliation were gone from his mind. “How can you tell me you're trying to make this work when you go off and sleep with other guys? Can you even seriously try to explain this?”

“So I'm getting frustrated sometimes, I don't think you can actually blame me for that,” Sebastian said.

“Well, I do. You can't expect me to just be fine with this!”

Sebastian sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “I don't, I didn't even want you to find out, okay? Look, can we just... Can't we just put all of this behind us? It won't happen again, I swear. So... I stop seeing those guys, you stop seeing _him_ , and then-”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Blaine asked. “That's not apologizing, you just expect me to forget what you did!”

“You're really good at that, aren't you?” Sebastian asked bitterly.

“I can't believe I wanted to talk to you,” Blaine said, shaking his head, but regretting it immediately when another flare of pain shot through his head. “Why are we even still doing this?”

“Well, I guess _he_ isn't such a great alternative either, after all you did come back,” Sebastian said.

Finally, Blaine had reached the point where he was just sick of it all. “I'm not doing this. I wanted to talk things out with you, but I guess it's pointless. I'm not staying here if you're going to be like that. I'm going out again. And stop calling me every five minutes.”

“Running back to him again, are you?” Sebastian asked. “Whatever, I'm not doing this either. I'm out of here, Blaine. Maybe you should think about what you even want from this relationship.”

“Fine, just leave me alone!” Blaine replied and stormed through into the bedroom. He could hear how Sebastian threw the door shut after a while. Only then did he let himself fall down onto the mattress. He wanted to scream. Kurt had been right, this was a horrible idea. What was even the point of this relationship? He couldn't trust Sebastian, they had nothing to talk about, and half the time he couldn't even stand Sebastian's touch.

Why were they even together?

Well, there was the point of love. Blaine knew that he loved Sebastian, like he knew that the sky was blue. But now that he thought about it, he couldn't exactly remember why. If he was completely honest, he couldn't even really remember why they got together in the first place. He had vague memories of meeting Sebastian at Dalton, of him being ridiculously sure of himself, cocky even, and that he'd felt really flattered by the blatant interest.

 But... just how did they get together anyway? Why couldn't he remember? And now that he thought about it, it wasn't just his relationship. Most of his time at Dalton seemed to get blurry the more he tried to remember it.

What was wrong with him?

Lost in his thoughts, he looked around the room. It was a mess, really, and so was the rest of the apartment. He should clean up. He'd never get any studying done if he was distracted by the mess, and there was so much to do... And he really should take some medicine before the migraine really hit...

No. The mess didn't matter right now, and neither did studying. Blaine felt like had just been on the brink of something essential, something scary. There were gaps in his memory, gaps and completely blurry areas, but every time he started to think about it, his mind seemed to turn away from it.

Today, he had stood up for himself – well, kind of – so maybe now was the right moment to confront another fear.

He had been thinking about Dalton...

His instincts were screaming at him to stop, to get away, find Sebastian and pretend nothing had happened. They were almost overwhelming, but that voice at the back of his head was there again, telling him to go on. It reminded him of Kurt, and gave him the strength he needed to not turn away.

He went to their file cabinet. Something was there, something about Dalton that he was afraid to see. He knelt down before it and took out a folder bearing his name. It held the documents concerning him, personal papers, his diploma as well. He took it out, a surge of nostalgia running through him as he thought back to Dalton, not attempting to retrieve a distinct memory but just the feeling of safety he'd gotten at his school. It had been a safe haven for him, and all in all it had brought him good things, hadn't it? Did he really have to dig any further?

He was trying to run again.

Blaine inhaled deeply, before he looked down at the paper in his hand. It was his diploma, but it didn't bear the Dalton crest. Instead, there were four letters staring back at him, WHMS.

“What...?” Blaine muttered as he really looked at the diploma for what felt like the first time. It wasn't from Dalton Academy, at all. It was from a school called William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio.

Kurt's school.

“That's not possible,” Blaine said. But saying it out loud didn't change the thing he was reading. It was his name on the diploma of a school he had never gone to. But... how? He looked through the file and found other documents, report cards from his junior year, also from William McKinley High School, beneath that finally some from Dalton, but only for his sophomore and second freshman year.

This wasn't possible. But he had it right in front of his eyes, black script on white paper. Black script... and red.

Blaine blinked in confusion, as more red fell to the paper. It took him a moment to realize what it was. Slowly, he brought his hand up to his nose and then looked at his fingers – and the blood on them.

Oh.

That was unusual. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd had a nosebleed. Then again, his memory wasn't the most reliable thing lately. It didn't matter, though. It was just a bleeding nose, nothing scary or dangerous. There was no reason to panic.

Why exactly was he so alarmed, then?

He leaned back to stop more blood from falling onto the documents, confusing as they may be, and looked around for a tissue.

Everything was fine. He was just feeling stressed about the situation with Sebastian, as well as his usual issues, and the documents. It was confusing, but there had to be an explanation. The throbbing inside his head got more insistent, now to the point where he couldn't ignore it any longer.

Finally, he got his hands on a tissue and pressed it against his nose to stop the blood flow. Right, everything was under control, no reason to panic, and he was definitely not bleeding enough to get light-headed. He had to be just imagining this.

For a second, the world turned black. His vision returned just in time to feel the impact as he fell against the file cabinet. There was another surge of pain in his head, sharp and burning, but almost a relief from the migraine that felt like a claw circling his skull and squeezing. He blinked and looked down at himself, the white dress shirt tainted with red, and why was he bleeding this much?

He squeezed his eyes shut against the too bright light, and let his head rest against the wood of the cabinet. He had medication in his nightstand. He'd deal with the bleeding in a moment, he just needed the pain to stop... He only needed to collect himself for a few moments, just enough to go to the bedroom...

When he opened his eyes again, he found Sebastian kneeling in front of him. There was something cold against his neck, and he realized that Sebastian was pressing an icepack against his skin.

“Blaine?” he asked. His voice sounded worried, almost frantic. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Blaine muttered, “just... my nose? I'm not sure...” There had to be something else. There was a fuzzy memory, of... documents, of some sort? He wasn't quite sure. Something that wasn't as it was supposed to be...

But the more he tried to remember, the more his head was throbbing. He couldn't grasp it, as much as he tried. All that was left was a vague sense of wrongness.

“Look at me!”

He flinched when he heard Sebastian's voice and looked back at his boyfriend, who now looked panicked.

“Come on, stay focused,” Sebastian said, “are you hurt?”

“My head hurts,” Blaine admitted. “What's going on?”

For a moment, Sebastian looked as if he would start to cry – something Blaine had never seen him do – but instead, he pulled Blaine into an embrace so tight that it was painful.

“Stop, Sebastian,” Blaine said and pulled away. He noticed a folder on the floor that he could have sworn was the one he kept his own documents in. But why would it be lying around on the floor?

“God, Blaine, don't... just don't _do_ that!” Sebastian gasped. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? I come back and find you lying here, bleeding, with that... fuck, this is my fault.”

“What? No,” Blaine said, “why would it be...?”

“Because I hurt you,” Sebastian said, “and instead of making you better I keep making things worse. I'm sorry. I won't... I won't do that again, never. I'll help you get better. It's not your fault I'm not patient enough. Let's just put this behind us, okay? I won't hurt you again, I swear, just... I need you to be okay, Blaine.”

Blaine leaned back against the hard surface of the cabinet. He still wasn't quite sure what had happened, but Sebastian was apologizing... that had been what he wanted, hadn't it? And he was feeling just so... drained.

“Okay,” he muttered, “right, okay, I just... I think I really need some rest.”

“Right, come on,” Sebastian said and carefully helped him up.

He hardly noticed how he ended up in bed, the blinds shut down and pain medication in his mouth. There was a cool washcloth underneath his neck, and wonderful, soothing darkness around him, and only a hand stroking through his hair disturbed him. As he drifted into sleep, he noticed that this feeling of wrongness was dissolving. Maybe things were okay. He just needed to get rid of the pain.

* * *

 Entering the building of Vogue on Sunday felt a bit weird. Kurt was early, but Isabelle had been very insistent about wanting to see him today. After leaving the way he had the night before, he had a feeling that he shouldn't make her wait today.

When he knocked at her door, it was pulled open immediately.

“Oh, there you are,” she said, “come in, and close the door, nobody else needs to hear this.”

Surprised, Kurt entered and did as she had said. As he looked around in her office, he saw several books lying around that he was sure had nothing to do with fashion. All of them were huge, and several looked ancient. It was confusing, he really hadn't assumed Isabelle was the bookworm type...

“Sit, please,” Isabelle said and pointed towards the chair in front of her desk. Still confused, Kurt sat down and looked at her curiously, as she stood in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders. “We have to talk about your boy.”

Kurt sighed, looking away. “He's not my boy,” he said. Unless dreams counted, at least.

“But he is, Kurt,” Isabelle said, and there was so much conviction in her voice that Kurt had to look up at her again.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“He _is_ your boy. I know you said he's just somebody you met at school, somebody who has a boyfriend, but that's not the truth.”

“It is, Isabelle, I checked,” Kurt said.

“Not enough. Blaine is not some random boy to you.”

“Well, no, but... what do you mean?” Kurt asked.

Isabelle looked at him intensely, as if she was preparing herself for an important revelation. She took a deep breath, as if to heighten the tension, and eventally, she spoke.

“He's your fiancé.”


	9. I've Got A Theory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the next chapter. This one starts with some exposition, which I hope doesn't end up boring everybody. Also, this is the chapter were the supernatural elements start getting discussed, so there's some background on that - also the point where the whole "Once Upon My Time broke my brain" thing really comes to play, not only with the supernatural background but with a scene stolen from one of my non-glee OTPs. So yes, a bit nervous about this one, which should explain the rambling here.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

At first, Kurt was sure she was joking, although he couldn't figure out how this was supposed to be funny. After a few moments, when she still hadn't started to laugh or given any indication that she had been anything but serious, Kurt had to speak up.

“He's what?” he asked, not very eloquently.

“Your fiancé,” Isabelle said. “I know this is confusing, and probably scary, but think about it. Really think about it. Don't you ever get the feeling around him that you know him already? Like he's way more familiar than he should be?”

“Well, yes,” Kurt admitted.

“And if you think back, did you ever notice any gaps in your memory? Things that are missing, or things that just seem blurry?”

Kurt's first instinct was to protest. He would have noticed if something was wrong with his memory, wouldn't he? But then he remembered the conversation he'd had with Rachel about the warblers, and about how they couldn't remember the performances that must have featured Blaine as their lead singer. When he had thought about it, he couldn't remember either sectionals or regionals from his junior year, and it wasn't just competitions. He had crystal clear memories of most lessons in glee club during his sophomore year, but those of his last two years were more of a blur than anything.

“There are,” he finally admitted. Helplessly, he looked up at Isabelle, hoping that she might actually have a solution for this. “And I've been having dreams about him. But they felt more like memories.”

“They _are_ memories, Kurt,” Isabelle said. “They're just buried, but your real memories are still there. You remember all that you and Blaine have gone through. It's all there, just hidden.”

“But... how?”

Isabelle looked slightly uncomfortable now. “That's the long part of the story,” she said. “I hope you don't have any plans today?”

Even if he had, there was no way he could have left without getting the whole story now. “I'm all ears,” he said.

“Right,” Isabelle said, and nervously tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear, “so, where do I start... Do you believe in magic?”

“What?”

“Magic. Like... fairy tales, and spells and curses, those things,” Isabelle said.

For once, Kurt bit his tongue instead of speaking his mind. But what immediately sprang to his mind was that maybe he wasn't actually getting an explanation on what was going on with Blaine – maybe Isabelle had just completely lost her mind.

“Of course you don't,” Isabelle said after a moment of silence, “and why would you? It's become so rare by now, why would you know it. But it exists. Well, existed, mostly. Um, remember how you referred to me once as your fairy godmother?”

Kurt raised his eyebrow, almost dreading what he expected next. “You're not saying you actually are my fairy godmother, right?” he asked, aiming for a joke.

“Oh, no, of course not, that would be absurd,” Isabelle said, “there are only a handful of actual godmothers around, and I wasn't on that level of power even before... But yes. I'm actually a fairy. Well, I was at least, once upon a time – pun not intended. But that's what it boils down to. I used to be a fairy.”

Kurt stared at her, unsure on what to say. That was the last thing he would have expected to learn today. Or maybe poor Isabelle really was working too hard.

“And now you think poor Isabelle has lost her marbles and you should find a discreet psychiatric ward, right?”

Kurt gulped. Was mind-reading maybe a fairy power?

“It's the natural reaction, I admit,” Isabelle continued, a knowing smile on her face, “and I didn't expect you to believe it right away. So here, I've put together a bit of evidence for you. You will need a little bit of faith, still, but let's see how far this will take us.” She turned to her desk where there was a small flask filled with what looked like dust. As Isabelle took it into his hand, Kurt thought that the dust almost seemed to glow with a soft, greenish shimmer. Great, now he was losing his mind, too...

“Ever heard of fairy dust?” Isabelle asked.

“What, I need a lovely thought and then I'll fly?” Kurt asked. He tried to sound sarcastic, but the little particles inside the flask seemed to be floating.

“Something like that,” Isabelle said, “think of your boy, maybe?” With a secretive smile, she poured some of the dust into the palm of her hand and with an encouraging look at Kurt, she softly blew the dust into his face.

For a second, nothing happened.

Then, he sneezed.

But he must have inhaled something, because the world seemed to take a green tint, and then he could hear voices, and everytime he blinked there were images behind his eyes – images of Blaine. They were kissing, for the first time over a dead bird's casket; dancing at two different proms and a failed wedding; he was walking away from Blaine, his heart breaking; lying on his bed, their hands intertwined and so much love between them; surrounded by people, but only the two of them counted, as he finally said yes, and the ring that Blaine put onto his finger; and kisses, so many kisses, and more...

With a gasp, he opened his eyes to reality, only to find Isabelle looking at him full of disappointment.

“It's not working,” she said. “Why isn't it working?” she wondered.

“It's not?” Kurt asked, slightly out of breath.

“You're not flying, are you?” Isabelle said. “I really thought it would work. There's magic inside the dust, I thought this at least could work, even if I lost my powers...”

“I think it did,” Kurt interrupted her. “Not the flying. I really don't need to be flying. But I think I... I remember, Isabelle. This is weird, but something just happened. Can you give me a moment?” He tried to sort his thoughts, those... images...

No, not images, memories. He wasn't sure what exactly he had just inhaled, what it had done with his brain, or if maybe both of them actually had lost their minds. But he felt completely sure that Isabelle had said the truth, that those weird dreams and flashes were memories. Blaine had proposed to him. they had gotten engaged, and Kurt had returned to New York. They'd been together again for Blaine's graduation, and then...

Then things had changed. But how, or why...?

Well, maybe now he would find the answers he was looking for.

“Okay, I... I think I... believe you? I'm not sure, it's a bit overwhelming,” he said. “So... what happened? Why is everything like this?”

Isabelle looked at him in surprise. “Oh... that was... easier than I thought,” she said. “Okay, then let's go to what went wrong. It happened at the end of summer. I felt it when it happened, but it took me some time to understand just what it was. It's a curse.”

“A curse?” Kurt asked.

“It was a curse cast on Blaine, I think. It took his memories of you and everything that's connected to you. Of course, this had consequences on more than him – on you, obviously, but on a minor scale also on everybody who's been in contact with the two of you. The curse altered reality. Your relationship was taken away, and something else was put in its place.”

“Sebastian,” Kurt hissed.

Isabelle tilted her head. “That's the boyfriend's name, isn't it?” she asked. “Yes, he's at the center of it. He must have a fairy godmother, the magic is all over him. I could see it clearly. And it's the same power that's behind the curse.”

“Wait, so this actually does go back to a fairy godmother?” Kurt asked, just to be completely sure.

“It does, yes,” Isabelle said, “his family's fairy godmother cast the curse on Blaine, to tear him away from you. Only a godmother could wield magic this powerful, and they only act on behalf of the family they protect.”

“How long have you known?”

“From the moment the curse fell,” Isabelle admitted. “I felt the impact of it, although it took some time until I found out what it meant. And even then, although I hated that you got hurt by it, I didn't wish to interfere. I couldn't even tell that Blaine was at the center of it until I saw him”

“Then what has changed? Why are you telling me now?”

“I knew it had to be a godmother casting the curse, and I don't have a lot of good experiences in dealing with them. I didn't want to get involved, not as long as I didn't even know the point of the curse. But well... now I realized just what that point was. That boy, Sebastian? What he's doing is simply disgusting. Think about it, he took Blaine's memory, had reality altered, just to get him into a relationship? That's brainwashing on a level I don't even want to think about. Knowing that... I couldn't stay out of it. I couldn't just watch.”

Suddenly, Kurt felt very cold. During all those revelations, he hadn't had time to really think. He had felt angry, of course, shocked and hurt, but... he wasn't the one suffering. His hand had somehow come up to cover his mouth. It was shaking.

“Does he know? Blaine, do you think he knows that something is wrong?” But even as he asked, he realized the answer. Maybe he didn't know, but it was obvious that Blaine felt that something was wrong – though rather than assume the world was wrong, of course he would think something was the matter with _him_...

Isabelle looked to the ceiling. “I'm... not sure,” she admitted, “it's hard to observe these things from the outside. And curses are complicated.. They don't get cast and exist. When they come into this world, they are pending. Either they are stabilized, and then they jus turn into fixed reality. If that had happened yet, you wouldn't be able to remember anything, even those dreams and déjà-vûs weren't possible. And if they can be stabilized... well, then they can be broken, too.”

“How? You have to tell me what to do, I'll do anything,” Kurt said.

“I don't know,” Isabelle said, “the classic used to be something romantic, like true love's kiss, but it really could be anything.”  
“Then what do I do?”

Isabell sighed. “I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Trust me, I've been researching things, but it doesn't lead me anywhere. I tried to find out who the godmother is, but that takes time and a lot of research. I've been hoping that maybe you don't have to break the curse. Maybe it's enough if you manage to get Blaine out of there. At least he'd be out of the grasp of that horrible person. The problem might even sort itself out then. These things can't stay unstable forever.”

“Can Blaine even leave?” Kurt asked. “Or does that curse make him stay with Sebastian?”

Again, Isabelle sighed before she answered. “It's hard to tell. The one thing I'm sure of is that the curse altered reality in so far that it put him into this relationship, and probably gave him the information that he loves his boyfriend and always was very happy with him. It's hard to argue with powerful memories, no matter how fake they are. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but if I had to guess, I'd say the curse isn't actively stopping him from leaving – but it makes it very hard.”

“So I could convince him to leave?” Kurt tried to assure himself.

“You'd have to be very convincing,” Isabelle said, “but I figure if anyone can do it, it's you. And you have to be subtle, you can't tell him what's going on.” She took his hand and gave him what was probably supposed to be an encouraging smile, but turned out about as shaky as Kurt felt. “I know this is all very confusing and scary, but we will figure out how to make this right, okay?”

“We have to,” Kurt said. “I'm sorry, I just... I think I need some time to think this through.”

“Take all the time you need. If it helps, you can have a few days off?”

“I'll think about it. And Isabelle? Thank you.”

* * *

 By the time Monday came around, Kurt had thought things through a million times. It was completely ridiculous, unrealistic and impossible. It also made way too much sense. Rachel and Santana both had noticed that something was wrong, but he had managed to dodge their questioning and eventually they had chalked it up to him sulking about how they guy he was interested in already had a boyfriend.

If they knew...

His mood hadn't improved by the time he had come to NYADA, the usual two cups of coffee in his hands to wait for Blaine. By now, he was quite sure he remembered almost everything that had been blocked out of his memory. God, he really hated Sebastian.

Speaking of the devil...

Kurt finally got a glimpse of Blaine, but he wasn't alone. Sebastian was walking beside him, an arm around Blaine's shoulders, apparently escorting him to class. So they had made up, despite what Sebastian had done... It all got even worse now that he realized that Sebastian was behind it all.

He quickly stepped into a position where he could watch them without being too obvious. If he didn't know better, he actually could have believed that Sebastian cared. There was something about the expression on his face that was almost tender. Kurt had the unfamiliar urge to punch him.

From this angle, he couldn't see Blaine's face, but he found himself wondering nonetheless. Would he be happy, or at least content, now that they had made up? Or would he look as lost as he had this weekend? For a moment, Kurt wondered which of these options would hurt more.

Before they could get out of sight, he started following them, always keeping enough space between them not to be noticed. Only when they stopped before Carmen Tibideaux's class room, did he manage to get into a position from where he could actually see Blaine's face.

Blaine didn't look happy. His face looked blank. He was staring into nothing as Sebastian talked to him. He could as well have been sleepwalking. Kurt could see how Sebastian leaned in for a kiss that landed somewhere at the corner of Blaine's mouth. He felt his anger rise to the surface again. Forget punching, he was going to kill Sebastian – especially when he noticed the shudder that went through Blaine once the bastard had turned his back.

Blaine had to know on some level that something was wrong. It all made sense now that he thought about it – how Blaine was so isolated from everybody but Sebastian, why he stayed in a relationship that obviously made him unhappy, probably even his recent problems with music... so much of who he was had been just locked away, and only because of Sebastian.

How on earth was he supposed to get Blaine out of there?

And then, suddenly, Isabelle's words came back to the front of his mind. _So_ _mething romantic, like true love's kiss..._

True love's kiss – well, he could definitely do that.

With hardly a look to see if Sebastian was far enough away, Kurt made his way down the corridor to where Blaine was still standing, looking lost again.

“Blaine!” he called out when he was nearly there.

The other boy looked up and their eyes met. A smile appeared on Blaine's face, relieved and hopeful, and really, what more did Kurt need as a reassurance? With a few steps he had reached him.

Blaine's eyes widened and the happiness turned to confusion as Kurt stepped right into his personal space, and that was the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes and sealed their lips together.

Blaine's lips were exactly as he remembered them, soft and pliant under his, and so familiar he could have cried. Without permission, one of his arms slipped around Blaine's shoulders, pulled him closer. Blaine's mouth opened in a gasp for breath, or maybe of surprise, and Kurt took the invitation, tracing the other boy – his fiancé's, this was his fiancé – lips with his tongue. Blaine's hands came up, as if to clutch at the front of Kurt's shirt, and then...

The force of the push made Kurt stumble. He was so taken by surprise that he didn't manage to catch himself, and suddenly, with a surprised yelp, he hit the floor. For a second he felt frozen, and could only stare at Blaine standing above him with a shocked expression in his face.

Then, time went on again.

“Oh my god!”

Blaine finally broke out of his trance and knelt down beside Kurt.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I'm... fine, I'm... Blaine?” Kurt looked up at him, hoping for recognition or any sign that it had worked. But after the first shock, Blaine's expression turned into something else, and it wasn't the joy or relief Kurt had expected. His heard almost stopped as he realized that the expression on Blaine's face was outrage.

“What was that? Why did you... _kiss_ me? You know that I have a boyfriend!”

“But... he's not... you're not...” Kurt knew he was stammering, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't planned for this. Really, he hadn't planned at all, he had acted spontaneously, and obviously it had been a horrible idea.

“Really, Kurt? You _know_ we're having a rough time at the moment, and that you're already a sore spot for him... I... God, I told him there's nothing going on between us, you can't just kiss me!”

He stood up abruptly, although he did reach out to pull Kurt to his feet. “You can't do that, Kurt,” he said, “that is _so_ out of line.”  
“Blaine, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking...”  
Blaine shook his head. He looked less angry now, more upset and hurt, or maybe even betrayed. “No. I don't want to hear it right now. You can't. You just... you can't.” Without another look at Kurt, Blaine turned on his heel and walked into the class room. His squared shoulders made it obvious that following him was not an option.

Kurt felt a shiver run down his spine. Oh god, he had ruined everything hadn't he? Now how would Blaine ever trust him?

“Mr. Hummel, don't you have a class to attend?”

Kurt turned around astonished. Carmen Tibideaux had come up behind him, ready to enter the class room Blaine had disappeared into. He looked to his watch. Right, class...

“I was on my way,” he said.

Carmen Tibideaux watched him with interest as he made his way to his own class. He wasn't sure he would be able to concentrate at all. Maybe it would be the best thing if he took a day off...?

But really, the only thing he could think of was that look on Blaine's face – outrage, and betrayal... He wasn't sure he could ever shake it off.

* * *

 Sebastian hadn't expected to come back to NYADA this soon. Now, he wasn't even sure about why he had accompanied Blaine to class earlier. It was somewhere between concern about Blaine after the... episode on Sunday, and hoping he'd at least keep Kurt Hummel at bay. He had to admit that was about as stupid as the phone thing had been – Blaine was right, they could see each other several times a day during school, and Sebastian couldn't exactly hang around Blaine 24/7.

Though maybe that wouldn't be the worst plan. At least then he wouldn't get called in the middle of a lecture and had to go to this joke of a school because his boyfriend had the killer migraine from hell, again. Of course, after that episode on Sunday, Sebastian had panicked and rushed to NYADA immediately. They said it was just a migraine, but what if they were wrong? What if Blaine had gotten worse?

At least now after seeing Blaine, he was calmer. The migraine was so bad that he couldn't keep his eyes open and he was leaning heavily against Sebastian's side, but there didn't seem to be anything else wrong with him. Sebastian would just have to get him home, get some meds into him and let him sleep for some time, and then he'd be better... well, as good as he'd get these days, not that that was saying a lot.

As they stepped outside, he felt Blaine flinch at the sunlight.

“Come on, the cab's waiting,” Sebastian said. “I'll have you home in a moment.”

“Thanks,” Blaine muttered, “for coming. I'm sorry, I know you have classes.”

“Screw them,” Sebastian said dismissively, “you're more important. It's just a headache though, right?”

“It's a migraine, Sebastian,” Blaine said, exhaustion evident in his voice, “that's not just a headache.”

“I know that,” Sebastian said, unable to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Migraine, then. But otherwise you're fine?”

There was a sigh before Blaine answered. “Sure, apart from the migraine I'm _wonderful_ , Sebastian.”

“Well, I guess it's not that bad if you're getting sarcastic,” Sebastian said. “Did something happen, though?” He had wondered about this from the moment he had heard Blaine had another... yes, he'd stick with “episode” for now. After Sunday, he'd thought they'd have at least some time before another thing happened, but obviously he had been wrong.

The interesting thing was Blaine's reaction, though. His eyes darted up to Sebastian's, and then he quickly looked away. “What should have happened?” he asked dismissively. He couldn't have been more obvious if he had held up a transparent. Something had happened, and Sebastian could have made a bet on just whose fault that was. But now wasn't the right moment to discuss this.

Blaine didn't speak much during the cab ride, but for once, Sebastian wasn't put out by that, too busy with his own thoughts. He couldn't take his eyes off Blaine. He was paler than when they'd first met, and he looked exhausted. Most of that was probably because of the migraine, but Sebastian knew that even on good days it wasn't much better.

This wasn't how he had imagined things would be if Blaine ever became his boyfriend. He would deny it, of course, but ever since they met he had made up way too many scenarioes of that. At first, it had just been fantasizing – nothing unusual, it was more of a reflex when he met somebody he found hot. He didn't know himself when he had started to actually fall in love with Blaine, but it had happened, had almost turned into an obsession. Sebastian was self-aware enough to know he had problems accepting if things didn't go his way. If he wanted something, he wanted it right then, and then he took it, or fought tooth and nail until he got it. And god, did he want Blaine, had wanted him from the moment he saw him. It would have been so easy, too, if only it wasn't for Kurt Hummel. He had known Blaine would be perfect for him, perfect by his side...

Then why were things so utterly un-perfect now? It wasn't supposed to be like this. That's not what he had envisioned when he had this spell cast.

This was another thing he'd take to his grave. Nobody would look at him and think he'd believe in fairy tales. Of course, they hadn't met Nerida. He had always been aware that his full-time nanny had more power than everybody else seemed to see. When Sebastian had found out just what she was, she had taken him under her wings, and when she had, it had changed his life for the better. She had let him stay with his mother in France and spend most of his high school time there. But after their falling-out, Sebastian had turned his back on her, opting to return to his father in Ohio. At first, it had been a reaction of spite when she refused him a wish – but once he'd met Blaine, he had started to get comfortable in his new home. After all, challenges made life so much sweeter...

Of course, Blaine had turned into a challenge he just couldn't crack. Whatever Sebastian tried, it hadn't worked – not even when Blaine was single. Sebastian had hoped to get into the role of a friend, and work from there, but that too hadn't helped, and only eventually led to him agreeing to have the Warblers help Blaine with his proposal. He had tried to do the right thing, he really had – it had just really sucked to see Blaine this happy about his engagement. What point was there in doing the right thing when it didn't get you anywhere?

That had been the last straw, and eventually, he had gotten over his pride and turned to Nerida for help. It had taken some time, and lots of groveling, but eventually she had agreed to help him, and the solution she had offered had blown him away.

Here he was, with Blaine as his boyfriend, Hummel not even in the picture. It was the perfect setup. Sebastan had really thought he would be happy like this.

But it wasn't real, was it? Everything was still pending, because he couldn't manage to fix it. And Blaine was so obviously not happy. The spell hadn't just taken his memory, it had taken... more. Sebastian couldn't even describe what it was exactly, but Blaine seemed exhausted all the time, as if most of his passion had just been drained out of him. Sometimes, Sebastian couldn't even recognize him as the boy he'd met back in Ohio.

They finally arrived at the apartment complex. Blaine got out of the car while Sebastian paid and walked up to the door where he leaned against it, waiting for Sebastian to catch up with him.

It was getting worse. The spell was starting to hurt Blaine. A shudder went down Sebastian's spine as he remembered yesterday, how he'd found Blaine barely awake, bleeding and confused over the folder holding his diploma. It had been so close... but apparently, it hadn't been able to make Blaine realize what was going on. It had to be one of the spell's side-effects, that it kept his brain from accepting that reality had changed.

On some level, Sebastian envied Blaine and everybody else. At least they didn't have to deal with this dual set of memories. He had to be so careful not to screw things up. Once, he had slipped up and talked about something from their real memory. Blaine had almost gone into a seizure...

But it wasn't supposed to be like this. By the time they'd gone to New York, the spell was supposed to be stable. Blaine and him were supposed to be happy, and Kurt Hummel was supposed to be out of the picture forever.

But he was back _in_ the picture now, and Sebastian had no idea how to handle that, and even less of an idea on how he was supposed to get Blaine to be okay again.

Well, he knew exactly what he had to do, it just wasn't working.

When they got into the apartment, Blaine weakly started walking to the bedroom. Sebastian followed and saw him just shrug off his jacket and fall onto the matress, not even taking of his shoes.

With an impatient sigh, Sebastian sat down at the edge of the matress and took them off for him.

“You're kind of a mess at the moment, hm?” Sebastian asked. There was a muffled noise instead of an answer. Blaine didn't even look up from the pillow.

“Come on, sit up,” Sebastian said, rolling his eyes. He didn't like seeing Blaine hurting, but just pitying him wasn't helping. So he rummaged through the nightstand until he found the migraine medication. With some effort, he managed to get Blaine to sit up long enough to actually take some, before he dropped back down into the pillows. With a sigh, Sebastian stroked through his hair, a few strands escaping the gel on his head.

Maybe it was worth another attempt? Gently, Sebastian took Blaine's shoulders and turned him over onto his back. His boyfriend blinked at him in confusion, turning away from the sunlight streaming in through the window.

“What?” he muttered.

Sebastian bowed down and put a kiss right onto Blaine's lips, as gentle as he could, putting a hand against his cheek. He softly stroked his thumbs over Blaine's skin, hoping and praying that it would work this time.

But his hope was disappointed again, as Blaine turned his face to get away from his kiss.

He never would have expected that to hurt as much as it did. But probably nobody wanted that kind of reaction when they kissed their boyfriend.

“Come on,” Sebastian muttered and tried to kiss him again, but now Blaine weakly pushed him away.

“Are you serious?” Blaine muttered.

“Why not?” Sebastian replied. “Come on, it's been ages...”

“You're not serious...” Blaine said and looked at him as if he had completely lost his mind.

“Again, why not?” Sebastian insisted, even though he knew he sounded whiny now.

“Because my head feels like it's exploding, for one? I think that's a really good reason not to.”

“Blaine, I-”

“No, Sebastian. I really want to sleep right now,” Blaine said. “You don't have to stay with me. I just... really... really need some sleep. And, you know, dark. Dark would be nice.”

Sebastian thought about protesting, but he realized it was useless. “Fine,” he muttered turning away, “I've got classes anyway.”

Blaine made another sound that might have been a goodbye, and Sebastian looked back to him once more, but Blaine had turned away so his face was buried into the pillow, shielding him from the light. With another exasperated sigh, he walked over to the window and closed the curtains. Another noise that may or may not have beeen a thank you came from the bed. Sebastian looked at him, wishing things were different.

But why on earth didn't it work?

* * *

 Kurt had kissed him.

There were other things Blaine should be thinking about. Maybe about how he had finally managed to pull off a performance that Carmen Tibideaux was satisfied with. Or about how his boyfriend had actually taken some time off his busy schedule to take him home. Maybe thank heaven that for now the pain had finally subsided.

But Kurt had kissed him, and that made it really hard to think of anything else.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed since Sebastian had left. He knew he must have fallen asleep, it was obvious from how much better his head felt. For a moment he wondered whether he should be disappointed that his boyfriend hadn't stayed – but of course, that was ridiculous. Sebastian had classes, and better things to do than watch Blaine sleep. Besides, he wasn't too upset about having some time to get his thoughts in order.

Just what had happened? What had Kurt been thinking? How could he just do that? They were friends, just platonic friends, nothing else. Not people that kissed.

They had kissed.

It didn't mean anything. Kurt had just... who knew, temporarily lost his mind? Something like that, probably. Just a kiss, nothing to get upset about. And it hadn't even been that long. Just... a few seconds? A few seconds of Kurt's lips moving against his, soft and warm, and as if they'd kissed a million times and...

It didn't mean anything.

They had just kissed once...

No, _they_ hadn't. It wasn't that they had kissed. Kurt had kissed _him_. And he had pushed Kurt away. That was all. He had pushed Kurt away because that was not what they were about, and so what if there had been a moment when all he had wanted was to pull him closer, to kiss back...

But he hadn't. He had a boyfriend, and Kurt was his best friend – platonic best friend.

So what if it had made his pulse skyrocket and not slow down for what seemed like ages? Or if it had finally given him that push he needed to pull off a performance good enough for NYADA?

It still didn't mean anything. It was bad, even. It might ruin their friendship.

...what if it did ruin their friendship?

Blaine sat up again and ran a hand through his hair. It couldn't... this couldn't ruin them, could it?

But yes, it could. Because if Kurt kissed him... if Kurt wanted more from him than friendship... then they couldn't even be friends anymore. Sebastian was already jealous of Kurt, suspected him of having ulterior motives, and Blaine kept telling him that there was nothing going on... What if there was, though? They wanted to give their relationship a second shot. The logical conclusion of that was that he couldn't see Kurt anymorre.

Blaine was shaking now. This was bad. He needed a solution to this. If he could talk to Kurt... He looked at the alarm, checking the time. It was already after three, so he had spent hours asleep. But at least he was painfree now.

Kurt had said he'd be at the diner this afternoon... Slowly, to not upset his head or stomach, Blaine stood up from the bed. He had nothing else planned for today, he was well enough to get up, and the sooner he cleared things up with Kurt, the better. And if he hurried, he might even manage to be back home before Sebastian returned.

He did feel bad. This was going behind Sebastian's back, too. But in the end, this was going to be helpful He would tell Kurt that nothing could happen between them, and with some luck he could keep a friendship without endangering his relationship. This would work out. It had to.


	10. What Can't We Face?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in this chapter there's some friendly, completely unbiased, bar-tenderly advise, and Blaine tries to get things in order, which all things considered turns out better than expected.

* * *

“Hey, Kurt, I thought you had the day off.”

“I have to see Isabelle,” Kurt said without paying much attention to Chase. He wasn't even here for work. All he wanted was some information and then go and crawl up in his bed, waiting for death.

He had ruined absolutely everything. God, what had he been _thinking_?

Well, he had thought that he could just snap Blaine out of this curse and make him remember everything, like when Isabelle had used that fairy dust on him.

Instead, Blaine didn't remember a thing and probably thought Kurt was a creep, pretending to be his friend and then making a move on him. And now, he had made everything worse than it had been before.

Isabelle was in her office, and it was even more of a mess than it had been yesterday. There were those old tomes, with some of the more usual magazines scattered around them, and on her desk there was a portfolio of designs that even on first glance looked scarily absurd.

“No disturbances, I have to get this right!” she yelled without looking up. “Oh, Chase, how do you feel about a leather-satin mix?”

“Er... not the first thing I'd go with,” Kurt said.

Isabelle looked up at his voice. “Kurt? Oh, what are you doing here? Has something happened?”

“Well, yes,” Kurt said, “I tried it, Isbelle, but it didn't work, he didn't remember anything at all. How could that happen?”

“Wait, wait, wait, tried what?” Isabelle asked, and suddenly she looked almost scared. “Oh my god, you did _not_ tell him about it, did you?”

“No, I didn't get that far,” Kurt said, “and I still don't exactly get why I can't, but... True love's kiss, you said that breaks curses, but it didn't.”

“No, no, I did not say that, I said it's usually something like that,” Isbalele said, “and that it could be anything. And what do you mean, it didn't work? Sit down, tell me, what happened?”

Kurt sighed, but followed her advice. He took several deep breaths trying to calm down enough to explain to her exactly what happened, which eventually didn't end up taking that long.

When he was done, Isabelle looked at him with an expression full of pity.

“Oh poor dear,” she said, “I'm so sorry, but that could not have possibly worked. Even if true love's kiss was the solution, it wouldn't have broken the curse.”

“But I kissed him,” Kurt protested.

“You did,” Isabelle said, “but it's never just a kiss. It's true love's kiss, that's something way more special.”

Kurt loooked at her in confusion. “But I do love him!”

“I know you do,” Isabelle said, “Anyone who ever hears you talk about him would know that, and if that isn't true love then I don't know what is. To put it frankly, you're not the problem here.”

“If it's not me, then...” He stopped, as he realized just what she was saying. “You think he doesn't love me? I can't believe you're saying this, you haven't even spoken to him, how could you possibly know if he loves me?”

“How could he?” Isabelle replied. “Think about it, Kurt, just... really, really think about it. That poor boy is basically the curse's epicenter. He has lost a huge chunk of his memory, including everything about you. To him, you're a boy he met only a few weeks ago. Even if there is a certain attraction there, it's not love, not yet. I'm not saying he didn't love you before the curse hit, but right now? He simply doesn't.”

“Then how am I supposed to get him out of there?” Kurt asked. He couldn't sit still. Without even deciding on it, he found himself pacing the room. “I thought it could work, to just remind him of us, and then we'd be fine, but I can't do that now, can I?”

“That's why I told you to be subtle and lure him away from that horrible boy,” Isabelle reminded him.

“Somehow I don't think me kissing him helped a lot with my chances there,” Kurt replied.

“Then you have to talk to him. Apologize, tell him you were out of line and that it won't happen again. Your one chance is to salvage your friendship. He won't listen to you if he thinks you're trying to woo him.”

“Woo...” Kurt started, but gave up on that fight. “Do you think he'll forgive me?”

“That depends on how sincere you are, I guess,” Isabelle said, “but the most important thing is that you don't tell him about the curse. I've seen that happen before, and it's not pretty. The human brain is not built to deal with dual realities, and being forced to do so would hurt him, a lot. I've seen people die under the strain. Don't do that to him.”

Kurt felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn't been aware that it was this dangerous. “I won't,” he said softly.

“Good,” Isabelle said. “I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you, but the this is a very complicated matter.”

“It probably would have been too easy if it worked like in the fairy tales, hm?” Kurt said. „True love's kiss...“

“Well...” Isabelle seemed to hesitate, but eventually she continued. “Don't give up on that completely, it could still happen.”

“What do you mean?”

Isabelle smiled at him, and for the first time he saw a little bit of hope there. “You say he's your soulmate... in that case, you _are_ going to find back to each other, I'm sure of it. Just because he doesn't remember doesn't mean he can't fall in love with you again. You just have to win his love once more. You did it before, I'm sure you have it in you. But for now, don't put him under pressure. The best thing you can do for him at the moment is just to be a friend.”

Kurt sighed, but nodded. A friend? He could do that. Blaine was, after all, his best friend as well as his love. He would manage, at least for now – _if_ he could get another chance.

* * *

 This time, Blaine didn't hesitate as he entered the Spotlight Diner. He was nervous, and he wasn't completely sure of what he was going to tell Kurt. But the one thing he knew was that he had to make sure Kurt and him were okay. This would be awkward and uncomfortable, but they could do it. They _would_ get over this. Blaine wasn't sure how to stay sane without him.

Fortunately, things looked really quiet at the moment as he looked around in the diner. A few customers, but the rush around noon had died down, so at least he'd be able to have a conversation with Kurt – well, if he could convince him, that is. But as he looked around, he realized that he couldn't see Kurt anywhere. He hesitated. He had been so sure that Kurt was going to work here this afternoon. Maybe he was somewhere in the kitchen, or outside, or...

“Blaine?”

He looked up when he heard his name. It was Kurt's friend, Rachel, dressed up in her waitress uniform and walking up to him.

“Uh, hi Rachel,” Blaine said, “is Kurt here?”

“Oh, no, he switched shifts,” Rachel replied, “although that really was on short notice, I don't know what's up with him. Do you know something?”

Blaine gulped. He could feel the blush forming in his face.

“Oh my god, you do!” Rachel said. “Is everything okay? Did you two fight?”

Blaine sighed. “It's... a bit complicated,” he said. “But I really need to talk to him.”

For a moment, Rachel looked as if she wanted to start a monologue, but then she focused on him. “You seem really upset,” she said. “I'm not sure where he is, he said he was going to Vogue and who knows how long that'll take him... but maybe, if you want to talk, I could listen?”

Blaine hesitated. He was really hoping he could talk to Kurt, but now it sounded as if it would be more difficult to get hold of him than he'd expected. Of course, they'd see each other in NYADA soon enough, but between classes and his two jobs Blaine realized that it would be quite easy for Kurt to avoid any serious conversation.

“Do you even have time?” Blaine asked to stall. “I wouldn't want to keep you from your work.”

“Oh, please, look around, nothing's going on here,” Rachel said with a shrug. “Come on, let's sit down, and then you tell me what's bothering you.”

Blaine still wasn't completely sure. But he wouldn't be able to meet Kurt right now, and maybe talking to someone really was what he needed to get his thoughts in order. Yesterday, talking to Rachel had made him feel a lot better and more confident about where he was standing. Maybe it could work again? Besides, who else could he talk to? Sebastian could never find out about this, and while he really wanted to discuss this with Kurt, it might not be the best way to figure out just what he was thinking. Suddenly, he really missed his brother. They hadn't been close in ages, but how good would it be if they could just talk to each other and confide in each other like normal siblings did?

“Okay,” he said eventually, “just... stop me when I start rambling, please?”

Rachel clapped into her hands excitedly and pulled him over to a stool at the bar. Quickly, she stepped behind it, took a glass and started wiping it.

“What are you doing?” Blaine asked warily.

“I'm being the friendly barkeeper listening to you sharing your worries, of course,” Rachel said. She glared a bit when he laughed. “Oh, shut up, I always wanted to do that.”

“Okay, fine, then. I just... I'm not really sure where I should start,” Blaine admitted.

“Hm, we could catch up from yesterday,” Rachel suggested. “How did it go with your boyfriend?”

Not exactly the subject he had wanted to talk about, but it was a start. “We... kind of made up,” Blaine admitted. “At first when I came home we fought again, but then...” He stopped. Somehow he couldn't finish the sentence, didn't even know the words anymore that were needed to end it, or what he had been trying to say.

“Then what?” Rachel asked.

“We made up,” Blaine repeated softly. “I mean, we... he apologized to me. He was really sorry for hurting me, and he said it won't happen again.” There had been something else. But what...?

“Do you believe him?” Rachel asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Blaine shrugged lightly. “I'm... not sure,” he said, “I do think he means it. I'm just not sure how long that will last.”

“Wow,” Rachel said thoughtfully, “that's kind of rough, isn't it? That you can't trust him enough to know that?”

Blaine sighed, but somehow she had helped his mind find another track, one that it could actually follow. “It should be,” he admitted, “but it kind of doesn't feel like it. It's complicated. But I just want to believe it for now. It's been rough for a while. It would be really nice to have things calm down.”

“Well...” Rachel said, but then bit her lip.

“What?” Blaine asked.

“Is calm really enough?” Rachel asked. “Wouldn't you prefer being happy?”

Blaine stared at her. For a moment, he flashed back to the feeling of Kurt kissing him. He gulped and tried to think of something else. “I... I'd like both,” he admitted finally. “I told you, it's complicated.”

“Hm, yeah, I know what that feels like,” Rachel said. “Well, not your specific situation, but relationships... they're kind of difficult.”

“Really? Are you having trouble, too?” Blaine asked with concern.

“Not right now,” Rachel said, “let's just say, there have been occasions. But we were talking about you, weren't we? Let's get back to that.”

Blaine smiled at her and sighed. “Well, that's about it,” he said, “we're trying to keep things calm right now and be respectful of each other and all that jazz, so... let's see how that works.”

Rachel hummed, put away the glass and leaned over the bar. “That doesn't explain why you're here, though, if everything is calm at the moment.”

“Well, with Sebastian, yes,” Blaine said, “everything's calm with him, that's not why I came here.”

“Is it Kurt?” Rachel asked. “Is that why you wanted to see him? Did something happen?”

Blaine's eyes widened and he just knew he was blushing again. Great, he hadn't even decided on how much he actually wanted to tell Rachel, but she'd have to be blind to miss his reaction.

“Oh my god, something did happen,” she exclaimed. “What was it, is he okay? What... what happened?”

And now she looked worried as well as curious.

“N-nothing bad,” he said quickly. “I mean... I don't know. I'm not sure yet. It's just... he's okay, Kurt is okay. I'm just not sure yet whether _we_ are.”

“What do you mean?” Rachel asked.

“I... Rachel... I...” He stopped, took a deep breath and then looked back at her. “You can't tell anyone, Rachel, and especially not Kurt that I told you this,” he said.

Rachel leaned forward with a completely serious expression on her voice. “I swear,” she said.

Blaine took another deep breath before he continued. “I... I think Kurt has feelings for me.”

“Oh.” Rachel's face got completely blank from one second to the other, as if she was carefully trying not to let anything on. It would have been enough to convince him he was right about Kurt's feelings, even if the kiss had still left any doubts.

“You knew that already, didn't you?” he asked.

“W-what? No! You're ridiculous!” Rachel said. “I mean... he knows you have a boyfriend. He just really cares about you a lot. Platonically, I mean.”

“Oh my god, you knew,” Blaine said. “You knew! Wait, you're his roommate, of _course_ you knew. I'm sorry, it's just... I didn't. Know, that is. And now I do, and I really don't know what to do.”

“Did he say anything?” Rachel asked.

“No, he didn't,” Blaine said. His mouth had been busy at the time.

Rachel still wasn't convinced, though. “Then what? Why are you so sure? Couldn't you have just misunderstood something, and now you keep misunderstanding? Maybe it was completely innocent.”

“He kissed me.”

The words came out much softer than Blaine had expected, and as he spoke them his eyes closed involuntarily. For a moment, he could almost feel it again, and that flutter in his chest was back. He shook his head and opened his eyes again. Not helping. Rachel's eyes were wide now, and her mouth formed a surprised “oh”.

“He... oh...” She took another glass and started drying it. “Well, I guess that is pretty unambiguous,” she said. “He... he kissed you. How did that happen?”

On instinct, Blaine looked around, but obviously there was nobody who knew him around, so he leaned forward and continued. “I was just about to go to class, when I heard him call for me. And then he just came up to me, held my face and kissed me.”

Rachel's eyes widened, and he could tell she was getting really interested by now. “How was it?” she asked.

The question took himm by surprise, but now that she was prompting him... Blaine exhaled shakily as he now actually allowed his mind wander back to those few seconds, the way Kurt's lips had moved against his, how warm it had felt, and so, so soft...

“Wow,” Rachel muttered, not taking her eyes from his face, “that good?”

For a second, Blaine feared he had just spoken aloud, but apparently Rachel had read all that just from his face.

“I...” He sighed, but eventually, he gave up. “...you have no idea,” he finished. “I... I don't think I've ever been kissed like that.”

“Okay, you can't just say that and leave it at that,” Rachel said, “come on, Anderson, details!”

Blaine blinked at her, and for a moment it dawned on him that this might have been a horrible idea, but eventually he couldn't keep it in any longer. That was after all what friends were for, to share these things he couldn't tell anybody else, and suddenly the words just burst out of him.

Rachel listened, her expression getting more intense with every second, as if she was drinking in every single word coming out of his mouth, and the more she listened, the more Blaine forgot any filters. As he finally finished, she looked at him with something very much akin to jealousy.

“Damn,” she muttered, “you're a lucky man, Blaine Anderson.”

He laughed shakily, not sure whether he should agree or if that was the biggest lie he'd ever heard.

“How did you react?” she asked, and the glee he'd felt a moment before evaporated.

“I... kind of... pushed him away,” he said, not meeting Rachel's eyes, “...and then he fell. To the floor.”

“What?!” Rachel looked absolutely scandalized now, and before he knew what was going on, she hit him with the dish towel.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“I can't believe you did that!” she said.

“I... I can't believe _he_ did that!” Blaine replied. “I have a boyfriend, remember? We just talked about him five minutes ago.”

Rachel blinked. “Oh. Right... you do,” she said. She actually looked disappointed now.

“So you see my problem?” Blaine asked. “We're not like that, Rachel. We're just friends, and friends don't kiss each other like that. Or at all, but especially not like... that,” he finished lamely. “And Sebastian is already so jealous of Kurt. I can't keep spending time with Kurt if he's kissing me.”

“But you can spend time with him if he just kissed you once and you pretend it never happened?” Rachel asked skeptically.

“That's not what I mean,” Blaine said, “I do want to talk to Kurt about this... but I can't be his friend if he's hitting on me. I just... He's my best friend, Rachel. I don't know what I'd do without him. But I have a boyfriend, and I need him to respect that. Otherwise I don't think this is going to work.”

Rachel sighed. “This really is complicated, isn't it?” she said.

“Tell me about it,” Blaine muttered.

“Are you going to tell your boyfriend?” Rachel asked.

“Absolutely not,” Blaine replied immediately, “he'd flip out if I told him, and then he'd insist again that I don't see Kurt anymore – and I couldn't even blame him. I probably shouldn't, anyway, but...” He sighed again. He didn't even know why, but the mere thought of not seeing Kurt again was too scary to even consider.

“Okay, I think I get it,” Rachel said, “but can I ask you one more question?”

“Sure, go ahead,” Blaine said.

“You do realize you're more scared of losing Kurt as your best friend than about losing your boyfriend, don't you?”

“I don't really think I'm risking losing Sebastian,” Blaine said. And wow, phrased like that it sounded kind of cold.

“But your priority in all this is not to lose Kurt,” Rachel insisted.

“...yes,” Blaine admitted finally. “That kind of makes me a horrible person, doesn't it? Or at least a horrible boyfriend...”

“Yeah, well, from what I've heard your boyfriend isn't going to win any prizes, either,” Rachel said in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

Blaine just looked up at her and sighed. “Not helping,” he said.

“Look, Blaine, I don't think you're horrible,” Rachel said softly. “You're just a little confused at the moment. You really need to take some time and figure out what you actually want.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Blaine admitted, although he did hesitate a little.

“I have to insist on one thing, though,” Rachel said, and now she was completely serious. „About Kurt.“

“What is it?”

“He's my best friend, too. So, whatever you do, please be careful with him. I don't want him to get hurt, so don't lead him on. Just... be honest with him, okay? If you don't want to be with him like that, don't give him false hope. No mixed signals, no 'I can't be with you _right now',_ nothing. Just be clear on where you're standing. Think you can do that?”

Blaine sighed in relief. “I think I can,” he said. “Well, if I get him to talk to me.”

Rachel hummed. “Actually, I have an idea for that. What are your plans for today?”

* * *

Maybe he could convince Blaine that he'd developed a split personality – or possibly had a secret twin he'd never mentioned who'd just esacped from a mental insitution.

Kurt's excuses were getting more horrible the harder he tried to come up with something.

For a moment there he had actually been hopeful, but apparently he had deluded himself. And he knew it was because of the curse, that Blaine didn't remember him, didn't know anymore what they had... it was still painful to be pushed away. And it was all Sebastian's fault.

Would Blaine turn away from him now? Kurt had to admit it would be the logical reaction, but the mere thought made his skin crawl. Sebastian would like that, keeping Blaine even closer to himself and away from other people...

With a sigh, Kurt let his head rest on the table. If only hiding back here in the loft's kitchen was an actual option... He had managed to get out of his shift at the diner today, and Isabelle had sent him home again. At least he had some privacy to wallow in self-pity, with Rachel working and Santana being out with Dani. He looked to his watch and figured that Rachel should be back within maybe an hour.

He had just come to that conclusion, when he heard a key in the lock and the door to the loft opened. It couldn't be Santana, her texts were clear on that, so maybe Rachel haad gotten out of her shift early.

“Kill me now, Rachel, I ruined _everything_ ,” he announced, hoping for a sympathetic ear and maybe a piece of advice on how he should face Blaine tomorrow.

Instead, he got a nervous chuckle. “Um... not Rachel,” the voice said and Kurt froze. “And stop this, please... you didn't. I promise, you didn't.”

“Blaine?” Kurt looked up from where he had hidden his face, incredulous to what he'd heard. But yes, there was Blaine, standing in his loft with Rachel's ridiculous plush animal keychain in his hand. He was wearing the same clothes as earlier, though slightly crumpled. His hair was dishevelled and Kurt could swear there were dark shadows under his eyes. He looked exhausted, uncertain, but there was a spark of determination in his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Kurt asked as Blaine came closer and stopped before the table.

“I wanted to talk to you, but you weren't at the diner,” Baline explained, “but I talked to Rachel and she... well, she gave me her key so I could come see you here. So we could talk. May I sit?”

“Of course,” Kurt said and pushed out a chair for Blaine. “I really owe you an apology. I don't know what came over me, but I'm so sorry. I swear it won't ever happen again, and I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“You did,” Blaine said as he sat down. “But I'm sorry too, for how I reacted.”

“No, you don't need to apologize for anything. I really can't believe I did that to you, I know how traumatizing an unexpected kiss like that can be...”

“Whoa, slow down,” Blaine said. “Traumatizing? I was surprised, not anywhere near traumatized. Don't worry, you're not that bad at kissing.”

Kurt let out a laugh, not knowing how to react to that. “Still, I shouldn't have,” he said eventually.

“You shouldn't,” Blaine agreed. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, loosening a few more of his curls. “I have a boyfriend. I know we're having a rough spot at the moment, but we're trying to work things out. Actually trying, not just pretending everything is fine. But that means I can't do anything that endangers our relationship. Sebastian is already jealous enough about you. And now you kissed me.”

“Did you tell him?” Kurt asked.

“No, and I'm not going to,” Blaine said. He looked up and there was a hint of fear in his eyes. “I don't know how he'd react... but I can't see it going well. One thing I know for sure is that he'd insist I'd stop seeing you. It wouldn't even be unreasonable. And then I'd have to comply with that, at least if we're trying to make this relationship work.”

Kurt felt his throat close up. “Is that what you want? That I... stay away from you?”

“What?” Blaine's eyes widened in shock. “No! No, Kurt, that is the _last_ thing I want. You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you.”

Kurt sighed in relief. “You're my best friend, too,” he said. His voice was just as shaky as Blaine's. “So what do we do?”

“We stay friends,” Blaine said. He seemed calmer now, and Kurt was sure he had rehearsed the next words in his head. “We meet for coffee, we talk, we spend time together, just as we did before. But I can't be more than your friend, Kurt. I'm really sorry if I gave you a wrong impression, or led you on in any way. But I need to get my relationship back on track, and I need you as my friend. We won't tell anyone about today, we just go back to how we were. Is that... is that okay? Is this something you're even interested in?”

“Of course I'm interested in being your friend,” Kurt said. “And yes, I think I can work with that.”

Blaine sighed in relief. Tension was visibly draining out of his shoulders, and only now did Kurt realize how nervous he must have been. Despite not remembering, Blaine obviously cherished their bond, and for now, that was actually enough.

“I have to be able to trust you, though,” Blaine said. To his relief, Kurt saw no hint of doubt in him when he said that. “I need to be able to trust that you respect that I'm with him. Just don't... I don't know, try anything?”

“I won't,” Kurt said. Without allowing himself to think it through, he took Blaine's hand in his. “I promise that you can trust me. I don't want to lose you, either.”

“I'm glad,” Blaine said. For a second they were looking into each other's eyes, then Blaine averted his gaze. “So, we're okay, right?”

“We are,” Kurt replied.

The rest of the tension melted out of Blaine's shoulders at that and the smile that returned to his face was completely genuine now.

“So... would you like to... I don't know, watch a movie or something?” Kurt asked.

Blaine hesitated and looked at his watch. “I don't have that much time,” he said, “but we could have some coffee and talk for a bit?”

Kurt felt himself return the smile. “Sounds great.”

 


	11. Under Your Spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the chapter that gave me writer's block. And wasn't that fun.  
> So, before I start rambling, here the notes for this chapter:  
> Rachel is a shipper, Blaine is in denial and things get more heated then planned.  
> Contains a tiny allusion to Finn. Also, infidelity rears its head again. Kind of. Technically.
> 
> Now, personal note time. This chapter was a tough one. Well, the last part was. See, when it comes to writing, I'm the complete baby penguin. As in, I've never written anything beyond kissing. This is by far the most explicit scene I've ever written - and it's not even really explicit or detailled or anything. I still needed three attempts to write it and some help from selected sources of booze (and more time editing, cause apparently gin and correct spelling don't really get along). Anyway, in the end it all led to something that I hope is at least readable, feedback very much appreciated.
> 
> So, enough rambling, and let's get on with it!

* * *

It was almost an hour later, and Kurt marvelled once more at how time was flying by when they were together. Eventually, though, this too had to end. With a sigh of regret, Blaine looked at his watch again.

“I really should be going now,” he said. “But thanks. This was nice.”

“It was,” Kurt said. “I'll walk you out?”

Blaine chuckled. “I think I'd find it, but thanks.”

He had just stood up when there was loud knocking at the door, followed by Rachel's voice. “You boys okay in there?”

“We're fine!” Kurt yelled. They went over to the door and opened it, finding Rachel still in her uniform.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said, “but I really need to get out of this thing.”

“It's fine, I was just leaving,” Blaine said. “Thanks again for your help.”

“You're welcome,” Rachel said with a trill in her voice. “What are you doing Thursday?”

“Er... what?” Blaine blinked at her in confusion.

“Thursday, seven pm, it's game night,” Rachel said, “some friends from high school are coming over, it's going to be fun.”

“What friends?” Kurt asked.

“Artie and Sam are coming over, and Santana might be bringing her girlfriend, and Blaine can come, too.”

Kurt stared at her, trying to figure out just what was going on in her head. This was the first thing he'd heard about this. “Since when? And how are we even going to get Artie up here, the elevator has been broken for months, Rachel!”

“We'll figure it out,” Rachel said, “and you are coming too, Blaine.”

“Well,” Blaine said and looked between Kurt and Rachel as if he wasn't sure he wanted to get involved in this particular discussion. “If it's alright with Kurt...”

“Of course it is,” Kurt and Rachel said in an unexpected unisono.

Blaine laughed. “Okay, then... I'll be here. Seven. Thanks for the invitation. I'll see you!”

“Bye, Blaine!” Rachel trilled.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” Kurt called after him. As soon as the door closed, he turned to Rachel. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Inviting him over,” Rachel said, “you know, so you can spend time together in an innocent friendly manner. Also, this way he can spend some time with more people who aren't his creepy boyfriend, which can only be healthy for him. Oh, and with the rest of us there, you won't be tempted to... you know, overstep your boundaries?”

It took Kurt a moment to realize what she was saying, but then he paled. “He _told_ you?!”

“Oh, don't look so shocked, it's not like you wouldn't have told me anyway,” Rachel said.

Kurt sighed and buried his head in his hands again. “I can't believe he told you...”

“Told me?” Rachel said. “Oh, Kurt.” There was a broad grin on her face that somehow didn't seem to fit the occasion. “That, Kurt, was not telling. That was _gushing_.”

He blinked at her in confusion. “What?”

“He was gushing,” Rachel repeated. “About the kiss. At length.”

“He... he liked it?”

Rachel snorted at that. “Liked it? That doesn't even come close.”

“What?”

“Seriously, I got jealous just from listening to him,” Rachel said. “It sounded like the kiss of the century. I don't think anybody ever kissed me like that. And now I kind of wonder how drunk I'd have to get you in order to try it myself.”

“Not going to happen,” Kurt said immediately.

Rachel actually was pouting at him now. How had today turned out like this, exactly?

“So... you think he likes me?” he asked, trying to get back to topic.

“I think that's an understatement,” Rachel replied. “You rocked his world – with a _kiss_ , Kurt.”

“But... his boyfriend...” And god, even the word was bitter going over his lips.

“Ah, right, him,” Rachel said, “I'd kind of like to meet him just to see if he's really such an asshole, otherwise I'd have to feel bad about myself because of how much I want you two to get together...”

“Blaine wants to stay with Sebastian, he just told me that. And he only wants me around as a strictly platonic friend,” Kurt said.

“He's _desparate_ to have you around as a strictly platonic friend,” Rachel said, “nobody gets that upset about somebody that is just a friend, Kurt. I mean, unless you like grew up with them or something...”

“You're still ignoring the platonic part,” Kurt said.

“Oh, of course he said platonic,” Rachel said, “that's the only way he can justify hanging out with you to himself. If he doesn't cling to platonic, he has to deal with the fact that he's into you despite the fact that he has a boyfriend.”

“So what do I do?”

Rachel sighed. “You step back, give him space and keep being his friend. He'll figure things out eventually, and then you'll be there helping him through it, and sooner or later everything will work out between you.”

“I don't want him to feel like I'm just waiting to make a move on him,” Kurt said, “I just promised him that he can trust me.”

“So what? I'm not saying you're supposed to manipulate him – just be there for him. If you're meant to be, it'll work out, right?”

Kurt frowned at her. “You really believe that? Even after...?”

Rachel averted her eyes. “I have to believe it,” she said with a soft voice, “I have to believe that it all has a point.”

“I'm sorry,” Kurt muttered and stepped closer to her. A moment later, he was holding her.

“I'm fine,” Rachel said, “and you're going to be, too. Just give it time.”

“I will. Thank you.”

* * *

 Only a few weeks ago, Blaine never would have predicted his life would take a turn like this. He had hoped somehow that he would stop feeling this... empty, most of the time. He had slowly gotten used to having so little in his life – only school, his slowly falling apart relationship, no friends, no job, nothing to keep his mind occupied.

Things were changing, though, and it was basically all thanks to Kurt. He had gotten much better at school – Carmen Tibideaux had finally stopped nagging him, content with his latest performances – he had not only found a close friend in Kurt, but also Rachel, and was getting along really great with their high school friends Sam and Artie. He even managed to avoid Kurt's scary roommate Santana wanting to murder him. With school and friends taken care of, he figured the next thing he should think of was getting a job and he'd be fine.

Well, that and there was the issue of his relationship. He was trying harder, but he started to think that it just wasn't enough. For about two weeks, they had managed to pull off an almost normal relationship, with date nights and telling each other about their day, but things had cooled down again. Maybe it was just too much effort to change a routine. It didn't help that Blaine felt like his nightmares had become more frequent, and the more Sebastian tried to calm him down afterwards, the longer it seemed to take him to get over them.

It helped that he could escape all this by spending more time with his friends. He felt so much more comfortable around them, as if he could... well, it sounded ridiculous, but as if he could feel more like himself around them. He didn't have to pretend that he was fine when he felt like screaming. He didn't have to nod and smile and talk when all he wanted was to hide inside his room until everybody left him alone. And he didn't have to stay still under a touch that made his skin crawl. He shouldn't even have these reactions to somebody that he knew he loved. It didn't make any sense and he had no idea what was wrong with him. He'd have to figure out what to do eventually, but it was so much easier to just ignore it for a few hours.

In a way, time with Kurt had been an escape right from the beginning. It was unfair to Sebastian, but spending time with Kurt and his friends gave Blaine the feeling that he was slowly regaining his sanity. It was a good feeling, and there was no way he would let that go.

Blaine took a look at himself in the bedroom mirror, checking out his carefully chosen casual attire, and straightened his bow-tie. Tonight was another game night, and he was hosting.

The game nights had become a regular fixture in his life, held every Thursday. After that first attempt at Bushwick, they had started to meet at the apartment Sam and Artie rented together – getting Artie up the stairs had been an endeavour none of them would like to repeat ever, if they had any choice.

So since Bushwick was out, Blaine had decided to give the guys an occasional break at cleaning up their apartment by hosting game night at his place. After all, there was more than enough space at their apartment, and Sebastian would be out anyway, meeting his study group.

Blaine still had to roll his eyes whenever he heard those words, although Sebastian had insisted a million time that they were actually studying and he wouldn't go out and hook up with anybody. Now that Blaine thought about it, it was sad enough that those reassurances were even neccessary.

“So, I'll be back by eleven, and you can call me up anytime,” Sebastian said. He was just coming back in, packing the latest scripts into his briefcase. “Or, I don't know, you could come along some time? We won't study all the time, and you could take some of your own stuff with you to work on until we're done...”

“I'm having friends over, Sebastian,” Blaine said and rolled his eyes again, “don't worry, I'm not going to be bored or sit around worrying about what exactly you mean this time when you say 'studying'.”

Sebastian stopped and stared at him perplexed. “That was uncalled for,” he said. He sounded hurt, and Blaine immediately felt bad about his words. They were trying to work things out, this was not helping.

“I'm sorry, I wasn't serious,” he said.

Sebastian sighed. “I'm sorry, too,” he said. “I'm just trying to keep this working.”

“That's what I'm doing, too,” Blaine said, although he wasn't sure if keeping was the right choice of words in their situation. “Can we just try not to stress so much about this? We're constantly walking on eggshells around each other, I'm so tired of it.”

“Yeah, well, we have to treat this carefully if we don't want it to break,” Sebastian said, “and I told you, I can stop going to study groups.”

“I don't need that,” Blaine said, “I need to be able to trust you, and how is this supposed to happen if I just don't let you out of sight?”

Sebastian nodded. “I know, you're right... I just... maybe we should do some more stuff together? I don't think events like tonight are helping, with me studying with my friends and you staying with yours...”

“You hate my friends,” Blaine deadpanned, “and I'm not that fond of yours, either. The only way we can see our firends is if we do it separately.” It was slightly exaggerated, but things hadn't gone that smoothly the first time he'd held game night at their apartment. While Sebastian didn't automatically hate the other guys as much as Kurt, he still only had derision for Sam, Artie and Rachel, and the dislike between him and Santana had been so immediate and strong that Blaine had almost worried they might start a fight.

“Yeah, well, maybe we should spend that time with each other instead,” Sebastian said.

It wasn't the first time Sebastian had started a conversation in this direction, and Blaine would not have it. “No. We've been over that again and again. I will not stop seeing my friends,” he said. The real message of _I will not stop seeing Kurt_ was clear to both of them.

Sebastian looked at him, and Blaine could see that he was fighting with himself on whether he should say something else or not. Before he could make a decision, though, the doorbell rang. Blaine took another look at the mirror before he went to get the door. He had actually hoped Sebastian would be gone by the time his guests were arriving, but it couldn't be helped.

When he opened the door, Kurt was standing outside, and Blaine felt his breath hitch at the sight. He must have come right from Vogue – he had mentioned that Isabelle needed him for a gala that'd be held soon – but from the sight of it, Blaine would have immediately believed he'd been modelling.

“Hey,” Blaine said, trying his best to sound casual. After all, Kurt was his friend. There was no reason to get flustered around a friend. “How was it at Vogue?”

“Stressful,” Kurt said, as he went past him inside the apartment, “but that's Isabelle for you. How's the job search going?”

“Terrible,” Blaine said with a shrug, “but I've just started. I guess it takes some time.”

“What does?”

Blaine looked up when he heard Sebastian's voice. Great, not this again. He had tried to keep the two of them apart whenever it was possible.

“I've been thinking about getting a job,” Blaine said as an explanation. He hadn't talked about it with Sebastian because he had been certain what his response would have been.

“Why would you need a job? I have enough money.”

And he wasn't disappointed.

“There are other reasons to get a job, though,” Kurt said, his voice dripping in that scathing tone he usually adopted around Sebastian, “not that you'd understand anything about work ethics.”

“Well, I'm sure you're in need of that attitude, seeing how with your chosen carreer, you'll probably end up waiting tables for the rest of your lives,” Sebastian said.

“Okay, that's enough,” Blaine said, “stop it, both of you.”

“Whatever,” Sebastian said and rolled his eyes, “I have to go anyway.”

“Study group?” Kurt asked. His voice sounded completely innocent, but the words were so loaded that Blaine couldn't help but stare at him. He felt like he maybe should feel hurt, but he didn't find it in him. Sebastian on the other hand looked so furious that Blaine almost feared he would attack Kurt.

“Who do you think-”

“Enough!” Blaine had stepped between them before he'd made the conscious decision to do so. Sebastian was seething, but he took a step backwards and shook his head. “Have fun,” he hissed and rushed past Blaine and out of the door.

The slam of the door made both of them flinch, but Blaine was just relieved that the situation hadn't escalated. Kurt stepped closer and looked a bit sheepish right now.

“I'm sorry,” he said, “that was a bit too much, wasn't it?”

“It was,” Blaine said and sighed, “I know you don't get along with him, but can you please try not to provoke him?”

“I'll try,” Kurt said, “he just...” He shook his head. “Sorry, you don't need to deal with this.”

It was nice to hear, except that Blaine was slowly getting the idea that he really should be dealing with this. Seeing Sebastian interact with not only Kurt but also his other friends, Blaine had been forced to realize that in the conflicts between Sebastian and everybody, he felt himself siding with everybody else more often than with his boyfriend. And it wasn't just Sebastian...

“You can make it up to me,” Blaine said, trying not to think about the subject, “I've been thinking about making some dips for later, and since you're early...”

“Say no more and lead the way,” Kurt said, a glint in his eyes.

Not for the first time, Blaine noticed how easy and comfortable it was to work with Kurt. They moved around each other without any problems, chopping vegetables and mixing ingredients together. They were simple recipes Cooper had taught him when they were younger, which was the reason Blaine secretly still cherished them. He had never gotten around to prepare them with Sebastian, mostly because Sebastian prefered more “sophisticated” food, but it was nice to have something he could share with Kurt like that.

He froze for a second in his movement, when he realized just where his thoughts had gone again. This was happening more often lately, when he was spending time with Kurt. They would do something comfortable, almost domestic, and Blaine felt his mind drift off onto just how much he enjoyed this time together.

Blaine realized he was walking a very thin line here. He and Kurt were strictly platonic friends, so spending time together wasn't a threat to his relationship – at least that was how it worked in theory. But it was getting tougher. He couldn't even remember ever feeling as excited around Sebastian as he felt around Kurt. There were sparks between them, Blaine felt hot and cold around him, all the ridiculous songs he loved so much suddenly seemed much more real...

It almost felt like falling in love, and Blaine was terrified. Whatever happened, he could not be falling in love with Kurt, because if he was...

They'd have to stop seeing each other. Blaine probably should have ended things the moment Kurt had kissed him, maybe even earlier. But if he fell in love... it would be the only thing to do, the thing he owed Sebastian and their relationship.

And still... he really didn't want to.

Kurt's voice stopped his thoughts. “I'd say 'a penny for your thoughts', but as I've been informed money's not an issue.”

Blaine laughed helplessly. “Pay me with a song?” he suggested instead.

“Any particular wishes?” Kurt asked.

“I don't know... that one?” Blaine said and pointed at the radio.

There was a wistful look on Kurt's face, almost sad. “It's a duet, Blaine,” he said softly, “but yes, we can sing it some time.”

Blaine frowned, uncertain on what he'd said or done wrong. Kurt looked almost heartbroken. It took him just a moment to hide it again, but Blaine had seen that he wasn't alright.

“So what were you thinking about?” Kurt asked.

Blaine bit his lower lip. _About how much I want you to kiss me again_ was at the tip of his tongue, but there was no way he'd ever say it.

“Thanksgiving,” he said instead, the first thing that came to his mind.

“What's so sad about thanksgiving?” Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged, turning back to the bowl he'd stopped stirring. “I'm not going home,” he said, “my parents are somewhere on a cruise, Cooper is on a shoot... so it'll just be me here.”

“What about Sebastian?” Kurt asked.

“Has plans with his family, that I'm very decidedly not invited to,” Blaine said and tried not to sound bitter. He'd never met Sebastian's father or younger brother, but he knew that the Smythe family made the Andersons look close in comparison. He wasn't even sure why Sebastian had insisted on seeing them, nor why he had been so adamant about seeing them alone – not that Blaine had indicated or had any interest in inviting himself along. But here he was, alone on thanksgiving. Wasn't that pathetic?

“You should come over,” Kurt said suddenly.

“Where?” Blaine asked, frowning at him. They hadn't explicitly talked about it, but he had been sure that they were all visiting their families over the break.

“Bushwick,” Kurt said, “I'm not going to Ohio, either.”

“Really?” Blaine asked. “I thought you guys...?”

“No, I changed my plans. My dad and Carole are spending thanksgiving with her side of the family, and I can use that time to pick up a few shifts at the diner,” Kurt explained. “Come over to the loft, Santana and Dani will be there, too. Don't leave me alone with those two.”

Blaine hesitated. It was another one of those decision, where his heart immediately knew what it wanted, but his brain was warning him to say no.

As was the norm with these decisions, one look from Kurt was enough to silence his brain's warnings. After all, there would be the four of them, it wasn't like anything was going to happen.

“Okay, I'm in.”

* * *

 Kurt couldn't remember a thanksgiving he'd been more nervous about. During the last week he had wondered several times whether he'd done the right thing by cancelling his plans in Lima to stay here and have some more time with Blaine, but eventually, he was satisfied with his choice.

They'd had a great evening with Santana and her girlfriend. There had been enough food for a week, ridiculous games, and cartoons. Now, some christmas-themed movie was running over his laptop, with all of them cuddled up in blankets on the floor. Santana and Dani were talking so softly that Kurt couldn't understand a word, but only felt how warm the conversation seemed.

And Blaine...

Blaine had been more relaxed than Kurt had ever seen him since that curse. He'd sung with Dani while they were cooking, had played on the piano when they'd started a sing-along and had thrown everything into their not-so-friendly game of charades, leading their team to the victory (although that was probably also due to all the alcohol Santana had to drink before she even agreed to it). Kurt had hugged him on impulse, and Blaine had sunken against him without resistance.

Now here they were sitting on the floor, a blanket covering the both of them. Blaine's face was leaning against Kurt's shoulder, and Kurt could tell that he kept dozing off. It had been a long day, after all, and the cider that Dani had brought hadn't exactly helped.

It wasn't how Kurt would have imagined their first thanksgiving together in New York to be like, but right now, it was enough.

A giggle made him look up to the girls.

“I think it's time to call it a night,” Dani said. “You ready, honey?”

“As I'll ever be,” Santana said and the two of them stood up. “So, even though you so rudely interrupted our plans for today with your little party, we're generous enough to let you have the loft. I'll go with Dani and spend the night there, and you can do whatever you want with your hobbit here.”

“What?” Kurt asked.

“Well, it doubles the chances that at least somebody here gets laid,” Santana said with a shrug.

Kurt sputtered. “You can't say something like that!”

“Huh? Like what?” Blaine said. He raised his head and blinked adorably. Kurt could have hugged him, but getting rid of Santana was more important right now.

“Nothing, Santana's just being... well, Santana,” Kurt said.

“She's also leaving,” Dani said as she hugged Santana from behind, “my brave escort through the dangerous streets of New York.”

“Oh... you should call a cab, it's really late,” Blaine said.

“Aren't you just adorable?” Santana asked rolling her eyes. “Guess what we did.”

“Don't be mean,” Dani said. “Night, boys, thanks for having me over and have a nice evening.” She winked, and it was obvious what she was alluding to. Luckily, it went right over Blaine's head, tired as he was.

By the times the girls had left, he was at least back to his feet. The movie was still running, but it wasn't as if either of them had been paying attention anyway.

“Santana is brave, isn't she,” Blaine said, “going out there when she doesn't have to... it's freezing. And it'll take ages until she's back.”

“I think she's staying over at Dani's,” Kurt said. “But yeah, you couldn't pay me enough to go out there.”

At that, Blaine turned to the window and looked outside. Kurt could see the shudder running through him, probably at the idea of his own way home. And wasn't that the most ridiculous idea? Santana may have had other expectatons when saying it, but she did have a point. They had the loft for themselves, and while that obviously didn't mean anything would happen, it did mean that there was absolutely no problem with Blaine staying over and sleeping on the couch. It was a better plan than send him home to that cold and empty apartment.

Blaine was yawning now, and Kurt couldn't tear his eyes away. It wasn't fair. By now, they should have been living together, driving each other insane with their little habits, spending every day – every night – together, cooking and baking, singing duets, somehow surviving the madness of New York... but that wasn't the version of reality they'd gotten, and Kurt still couldn't figure out what to do about it.

“Is that snow?” Blaine asked when he looked out of the window.

“You don't have to go out there,” Kurt said as he followed him. He could see a tiny shudder run through Blaine, but in the window Kurt could also see that he was smiling.

“I kind of do, unless you figured out a way to teleport,” Blaine said. He swayed a bit backwards, so Kurt took the opportunity and put his head down on his shoulder. It would be so easy to put his arms around him, just pretend for a moment they were _them_...

After just a moment he realized that he had put a hand onto Blaine's hip. It was already half an embrace. And then, Blaine was turning his head ever so slightly...

They were looking at each other now. There was so much in that look, warmth and tension...

“Kurt...”

Blaine's voice was soft, pleading in a way Kurt couldn't quite grasp. It would be so easy to just bow forward and kiss him. They were alone, the mood was right, Kurt could have sworn Blaine wanted him to...

But he'd made a promise. No more moves, and damn it, he would keep it.

It was ridiculously hard with Blaine so close, though, and his eyes kept dropping down to Kurt's lips, back to his eyes, involuntarily, and how close could they get without touching?

If he wanted to keep his promise, he'd have to stop this here. He just wasn't sure he had the necessary self control for that.

“You should stay over,” he said softly, “it's just us, you can have the couch.”

Blaine gulped, Kurt could see his throat move, and for a moment he was sure that Blaine would say yes... but then his eyes widened and he took a step back.

“I... thank you, but... I shouldn't, I should get a cab, it's late...” Blaine was almost stammering now as he turned away and looked around for his coat.

“It is, and just look outside,” Kurt said, “who knows if you even get a cab. You can just stay here, on the couch, it's really not a big deal.”

Kurt kept talking, trying to find the argument that would make him stay, as he came closer. By the time Kurt had reached him, Blaine had already slid into his coat. He looked almost apologetic as he looked up to Kurt.

“It's in the middle of the night-”

“I really can't stay,” Blaine said

“It's cold outside, and...” Kurt stopped when he noticed Blaine frowning at him. “What?” he asked.

“I've... got to go away?” Blaine asked, his voice rising as if he was asking a question.

Kurt frowned too now, and then he realized what he'd said. It had been just a coincidence, but now that it was brought to his attention... Well, who was he to deny a good reprise? “But baby, it's cold outside.”

Blaine let out short laugh. Kurt could almost read what he was thinking, just from the way he looked at him, raised eyebrows, smile, that glint in his eyes, saying “are we actually doing this?”, but he continued, raising his voice into a melody and continuing the song.

It was a bit weird and Kurt needed a few verses until he really got into it. He would never forget that duet in the Dalton common rooms, how sure he had been that night that his feelings were reciprocated in some form at least. He had replayed it a million times in his head and of course knew the whole song by heart. Still, he had always only thought about it the way they had sung it then. The role reversal wasn't something he'd ever expected. But it was that same magnetism, and it took every ounce of self-control Kurt had not to follow through on the line about his lips, although he was sure that might have ended the duet right there.

And now here they were, right in front of the door, their voices fading on the last harmony. He had one hand cradled around Blaine's hip, one of Blaine's hands fisted into his shirt. They were close again, close enough to feel Blaine's breath against his skin, their eyes locked into each other. Kurt could see the conflict in Blaine's eyes, as if he was warring with himself. While Kurt wasn't exactly sure what was going on behind those eyes, but he could definitely see the moment when Blaine came to a decision. He was tempted to ask what he had come to, but then, Blaine's hand pulled him forwards, and they were kissing.

For a moment, all Kurt could do was to stand there frozen. This was actually happening, Blaine's lips were on his, moving insistently and oh so right. Before his mind had caught up with the situation, Kurt was kissing him back, with just as much force. This was it. This was what he had been waiting for for months, his love, the boy he was supposed to marry... And now, finally again, the boy in his arms.

Blaine's hands helplessly grabbed into the back of Kurt's shirt, almost frantic, as if he wanted to get even closer, but had no idea how to. It was a feeling Kurt could understand just too well.

Kurt had promised not to make a move on Blaine, not to make him uncomfortable or risk that sham of a relationship with Sebastian. He had _promised_ – but it was _Blaine_ . And having him back, even if it was just for a moment... it was too much, he couldn't possibly resist, not Blaine, not Blain e _want_ _ing_ him. Kurt had never done drugs, never even gotten drunk since that incident during his sophomore year, but this had to be what it felt like to fall back into a habit, except that he could never want to quit this.

Blaine's coat fell to the floor, although Kurt could hardly remember taking it off. The noise made both of them pause, and for a moment Kurt was sure that this would be it, the moment when Blaine would stop this and leave, and who knew if they'd ever manage to get over this.

Instead, Blaine put a hand on Kurt's cheek. His breathing was heavy, and his pupils blown, more than the dimmed lights would justify. And then, Blaine was pulling him closer, and kissed him again, slower now, almost ardently. Kurt sighed into the kiss, as he tightened the embrace around Blaine. For a moment, they just stood there kissing each other, but sooner rather than later, it turned heated again. The more passsionate it got, the more Kurt lost the thin layer of control he had managed to keep. As if on reflex, his hands went up to Blaine's shirt, and half the buttons were open before he even consciously realized what he was doing. But before he could think about whether he should have asked for permission, Blaine seemed to have gotten with the program, and as Kurt continued taking off the shirt, Blaine's hands flew to his own dress shirt, working on the complicated buttons there. Kurt wanted to help, but somehow, Blaine's hands moved flawlessly, as if led by some sort of body memory. Kurt gasped in surprise, but then there were hands on the bare skin on his sides and he didn't care about buttons anymore.

There was darkness in front of his eyes for a moment, and then all layers were gone from his torso. He wasn't sure whether he would have liked to protest, especially with the cold, and how Blaine stopped the frantic kissing, but then he opened his eyes and found Blaine staring at him mesmerized. It was flattering, and also ridiculously hot.

“You too,” Kurt muttered.

Blaine's eyes found his, a shadow of insecurity in them, but then he lifted his hands and pulled off the last layer of fabric. Kurt stared, mostly with longing – it had been too long, way too long. But a part, a tiny part that he prayed Blaine wouldn't notice, was shocked. Blaine's skin was paler than he remembered, he was thinner, Kurt could just see the hints of ribs...

“You're staring,” Blaine said. His voice was low, but rough, and the insecurity seemed to grow a little. Now, that would not do.

“So were you,” Kurt said, and without waiting for a reply he surged forward, pushed Blaine against the wood of the door, and just went back to kissing him. Blaine's arms circled around him, pulled him even closer, and they were back to making out.

“Bed,” Kurt gasped, “come on, we can...” He stopped, looked at Blaine to make sure he hadn't said exactly the wrong thing.

But Blaine was staring at him, incredulous maybe. Right now, Kurt really couldn't read him... But then, Blaine was nodding, surging towards him and kissing him again, all interruped by whispers and gasps of “yes” and “Kurt”...

He would never be able to tell just how they had actually managed the way back o his bed, all he could remember was a flurry of movement, of touches and caresses, lips against his skin, but eventually, they made it and fell into the sheets, only separating for a moment before Blaine was pushing him into the pillows and returned to kissing him, as if their lives depended on it.

Pressed together like this, Kurt let his hand wander, and grasp, hold onto what was so familiar, and yet, different. As close as they were now, he could feel the changes even better, the way he could feel bones where he remembered smooth muscles, and in that moment it just reminded him of how wrong the situation was. Things were not alright. In this new reality, they weren't together, and this, them being with each other... that was cheating, ridiculous as it was, they were doing the wrong thing...

Kurt gasped, and it wasn't in the good way. Blaine must have noticed, as he stopped the work he'd been doing an Kurt's neck and withdrew to look at him in confusion.

“Kurt?”

Breathe, that was the most important thing. Kurt needed to think, even though it was hard to concentrate long enough.

Wrong... If this was wrong, then it was a wrong towards Sebastian, and Blaine wasn't even with him by choice but rather by brainwashing. So, maybe, this wasn't wrong. Maybe this was exactly the right thing to do, at least one thing they could reclaim from the bastard, to take back what was theirs.

Then why was he hesitating?

Blaine was clearly wondering the same thing. The insecurity from before crept back, more with every second the pause went on.

“Kurt, what's wrong?”

And then, Kurt realized. Sebastian, that bastard, clearly deserved no consideration – but Blaine did. And he didn't know anything, couldn't understand what was happening, despite feeling that things weren't how they were supposed to be... The least Kurt could do was to give him a moment to figure out what he wanted.

Another deep breath, and he looked directly into Blaine's eyes. “I want you,” he said.

A soft chuckle escaped Blaine's lips, although it sounded nervous. “I figured,” he said.

“I _want_ you,” Kurt muttered again, and now he was pulling Blaine against himself, making clear what he meant.

Blaine gasped and closed his eyes. His breathing was heavy, and he clearly wasn't focussed enough to understand what Kurt was getting at.

“But what do _you_ want?”

Blaine stared at him, and once more Kurt couldn't figure out what was going on in his mind. There was some sort of wonder and awe in there, but also a hint of despair. Eventually, Blaine framed his face with his hands and put their foreheads together.

“What do you want, Blaine?” Kurt repeated.

When Blaine looked at him now, the despair had won out, but he looked so vulnerable now, opening himself up to Kurt and showing everything.

“I just... want to feel,” he said. “Just... please make me feel...”

Kurt could feel the wetness of tears in his eyes but blinked it away. “Feel what?” he asked, his voice hoarse in his own ears.

“ _Alive.”_

There were a million things Kurt wanted to say. He wanted to explain how he was trying to help, to make all of this go away so Blaine could be free and alive and _whole_ again; that he would do anything, just to help him get better, if only he knew what to do. That was what it boiled down to, he didn't know what he could do...

But he realized, with the way Blaine looked at him, pleading but full of trust, that this right here was something that he could do.

“Okay,” he whispered, and bowed down to put a kiss on Blaine's forehead, then his cheeks, and his lips. “Okay.”

 


	12. More Than I Can Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another one, it's getting closer.  
> In this chapter Sebastian asks the right questions but won't like the answers, the fairy godmother makes her appearance, and Blaine knows exactly what he has to do, but finds that things aren't that easy after all.

* * *

_The dark beat of music, a pounding base going right into his bones... there was danger, immediate, although he couldn't quite tell what it was yet. A never-ending stream of “wrong” was running through his veins, making his skin crawl. He wanted to run, get away as fast as possible, but what was holding him back?_

_And then it was not only a feeling keeping him here, but what felt like ropes holding him in place. He struggled, tore away eventually, and then he was running. He wasn't sure what it was, but something had given him an out, a chance to get away, and he had to take it. He was running, as fast as he could. His breath was burning in his throat, but far ahead he could see light, an escape maybe? There was the frame of a door, light shining through, and somehow he knew if only he could get through, he would be safe, it would be over. There was the silhouette of a man in the door, and he was running faster, towards the figure. If only he could reach..._

_And then there were hands on him, pulling him back, turning him around, for a second he could see a face..._

_Something was flying at him, an angry red, and he found himself screaming, his voice breaking, and..._

Blaine was still screaming as he surged upwards, away from pillows and a blanket that felt like it was suffocating him. He tried to push it off, but somehow he had gotten tangled in it. He had to get away, his skin was buzzing with panic, he couldn't stay here...

“Blaine!”

There was a voice, somebody calling for him as if from far away, but his mind was still too focused on getting away, far away from the red, and then... arms enclosing him, pulling him against a warm body, and the voice kept talking, and though Blaine couldn't discern the words, the tone was soothing, calming as if to talk him down from the ledge. Slowly, the words sank in.

“...it's okay, you're safe, nothing is going to happen to you, it was just a dream. Come on, please, snap out of it, Blaine...”

He pulled back, and the arms around him loosened, didn't try to stop him, although they didn't let him go completely. Blaine looked up now, and there was Kurt, his face so worried he almost looked scared, and there were even tears in his eyes. His heart clenched. He was here, with Kurt, and he was safe. Had he gotten away?

“Kurt...” His voice was breaking on the single word, but then again, there wasn't anything else he could think of saying.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked. His voice was even higher than before, but his hands on Blaine's arms were firm and secure. All he could think of was to rush forward, into the open arms, burying his face against Kurt's skin, not fighting anymore but just letting himself fall, knowing he would get caught. Kurt's arms came up around him immediately, pulled him in and held him close. It felt safe and real. He was still shaking from the nightmares, in a distant way he could feel that there were tears on his face – but the overwhelming fear was fading, Kurt's arms and voice were keeping him grounded, and gradually, he was calming down.

Eventually, he stopped shaking, and Kurt was still there, warm and solid, now humming instead of speaking, but it was just as soothing.

“I'm sorry,” Blaine said. His voice was hoarse, but it had been worse.

“What for?” Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged weakly. “This, just now? I didn't want you to see me like that.”

“It's fine,” Kurt said, “but... Blaine, what was that? You kind of scared me.”

Blaine inhaled deeply and withdrew from Kurt. Even the few inches felt like too much distance and immediately a shudder ran down his spine. But Kurt gave him the space, just took his hand as a connection. Blaine intertwined their fingers without even thinking.

“It's just nightmares,” he said softly. “I have them sometimes.” He wasn't sure how to continue. The more he calmed down, the more embarrassed he got. What would Kurt think of him now, that he was a complete nutcase?

“Blaine... that wasn't just a nightmare,” Kurt said.

“I know, it's just... I don't have a better word for them,” Blaine said. “I don't talk about this a lot, but...” He looked up, again wondering how he should continue. Kurt was looking at him directly, and his thumb was softly stroking over Blaine's hand. It was enough to give him the necessary courage to continue. “When I was in high school... before Dalton, at my old school, there was this Sadie Hawkins dance. I asked another boy to go with me. We were just friends, and we... we didn't even do anything. But when we were waiting for his dad to pick us up, these guys found us, and they...” He hesitated, but Kurt squeezed his hand and he continued. “They beat the crap out of us. It was... really bad. I was in the hospital and then physical therapy so long, I even had to take that year again. It's the reason my parents sent me to Dalton. I thought I'd be over it by now, but I'm still having those nightmares.”

For a moment they were silent, until Kurt spoke up again. “You haven't been having these nightmares since then, though?” he asked.

“I... don't think so,” Blaine said frowning. “I had them for a few weeks after the dance, but then I got better. Dalton really helped. It's just recently that they came back... ever since I moved to New York, I think. I feel like it's getting worse lately.”

“That's why you look exhausted so much,” Kurt said softly.

Blaine shrugged again.

“I wish I could do something to help you,” Kurt said. He looked like he was about to cry as well. Blaine felt his own heart clench at the sight. Involuntarily, he put his hands on Kurt's cheeks to make the other boy look at him.

“You are,” he said as emphatically as he could, “I mean, there's nothing you can do about the nightmares, but you've been helping me so much, you have no idea, Kurt...”

Kurt laughed, although it half sounded like a sob. “I was actually trying to comfort you here,” he said.

“I guess we can always comfort each other?” Blaine suggested.

“Oh, just come here,” Kurt said and pulled him closer, back into the embrace.

They didn't talk much after that. But Blaine couldn't stop thinking while Kurt held him close. He should apologize for all this, but it had really helped that Kurt was so calm about everything and didn't freak out the least. It felt... safe and comfortable, a big difference to the feeling of fear and restlessness that usually kept him awake after these nightmares. Another rare thing was that here, in Kurt's embrace, he actually felt comfortable inside his own skin. Could it actually be this easy?

Even as the thought came to his mind, Blaine knew it was wrong. This wasn't easy. This was complicated, and in a way a betrayal. This, right there, was cheating on his boyfriend, and he should feel awful about it.

But right now, the aftershock of the nightmare still fading from his mind, he decided he would deal with it later. Right now, he could only focus on the feeling of safety, and if that was directly connected to Kurt being close, then this too would be something that could wait till tomorrow.

* * *

 It usually took Sebastian about an hour spent at the Smythe house to remember just why he wasn't close to his family. His parents had split up years ago in a divorce that Sebastian was sure made the war of the roses look like a pre-school fight. His father had kept the house in Ohio where Sebastian's younger brother still lived – cared for and nurtured by nannies during the few weeks in the year he didn't spend at a private boarding school similar to Dalton – while his mother had returned to her family home in France. Sebastian had never really gotten along with his brother. It wasn't animosity, they just didn't care about each other the least. Their father wasn't home a lot either, preferring to spend his time on business trips.

It wasn't a bad thing. The less they talked, the less they fought, and at least the financial connection was stable.

Thanksgiving hadn't ever been a big deal for the family, but it had proven as a good excuse for why he had to go to Ohio. As he made his way through the house's corridors, Sebastian felt a pang of guilt as he thought of Blaine, alone back in New York. Sebastian really had expected he would go to Ohio as well and spend Thanksgiving with his own family, but then again whatever Blaine's relationship to his parents had been before, it had completely frozen after the spell.

When Sebastian had first heard that Blaine had expected them to stay in New York, he'd felt bad. He had actually considered canceling his trip to Ohio in the hope that spending more time together might help them get closer. But so far, any attempt in that direction hadn't helped, and during Thanksgiving he had the best chance to catch Nerida. In the end, he had decided getting more information about the spell was also in Blaine's best interest.

He found her in the study, sitting with his younger brother Eugene. She was wearing a gown in several tones of dark blue, her usual attire, and her dark hair, streaked with silver, was cascading in waves down her shoulder. He couldn't see her face, but he knew there were hardly any lines around her bright blue eyes, giving her a look of undefined age. Eugene was sitting with her, still as bland as usual. There was a bit of resemblance between the brothers, but he had always seemed a bit undefined. They seemed to be studying, which was something she had never done with him, and they seemed to get along well. Sebastian frowned. This was something he didn't like at all. He didn't know how fairy godmothers worked in particular, but he was aware that she was bound to the same bloodline. Right now, she was still technically bound to their mother, but eventually she would pick either him or his brother as her next charge. Sebastian had counted on her choosing him once the time came. Seeing them together like this was... concerning.

He cleared his throat as he stepped into the study.

“Nerida, do you have a moment?” he asked, ignoring his younger brother completely.

She turned around and raised a silver eyebrow. “Sebastian,” she said. It was almost a drawl. “So nice of you to drop by over thanksgiving. Is this actually you developing some family sensibilities?”

“Actually, I'm here to talk to you,” Sebastian said, “we have to discuss that... favor you've arranged for me. Something has come up.”

“I can't imagine what could have possibly gone wrong,” Nerida said.

Sebastian's temper flared up, but he managed to keep it in check. “Nothing has gone wrong,” he said, “but there are complications.”

For a moment, Nerida looked at him, as if daring him to blink first. He didn't, and eventually she sighed and turned away. “Eugene, if you'll excuse us.”

Eugene had watched between them, but at Nerida's instruction he nodded and walked out of the study, not even looking at Sebastian. Even with seven years between them, Sebastian couldn't really believe the two of them were related. He himself never would have given in this quickly.

“So, Sebastian,” Nerida said, “I assume your visit is connected to how the magic still hasn't been stabilized?”

“It is,” Sebastian said as he sat down opposite her. “Why the hell isn't it stable yet?”

Nerida sighed, and from the look on her face she was already bored with the conversation. “I believe I gave you an accurate description about what you had to expect once the curse hit.”

“You said everything would be set up, but it wouldn't be stable yet,” Sebastian said, “which is why I still remember how things were before the spell, and also why Blaine has been so... affected, since. But you also said once I stabilize it, this new reality couldn't be changed anymore, and then I'd forget those old memories. It's been months, Nerida. I've kissed him a million times! But I still have two sets of memories, and Blaine is still sleepwalking through his life. What the hell has gone wrong?”

“Well, the obvious answer is that you haven't stabilized it yet,” Nerida said.

“You said a kiss would stabilize it,” Sebastian said. Even to his own ears it sounded more like a petulant child than a mature adult.

“I said true love's kiss would stabilize it,” Nerida said, “honestly, didn't I read you enough fairy tales when you were a child? It's the classic solution.”

“I told you, I kissed him!”

“ _T_ _rue love's_ kiss, Sebastian,” Nerida said, “really, it's not that hard a concept. But fine, if you need it spelled out for you, let me explain: what's between you and that boy isn't true love.”

“I do love him!” Sebastian protested. “I changed reality to be with him! And he loves me too, he said so!”

“Of course he said that,” Nerida said, “did you forget you had me put a curse on him?”

“Spell!”, Sebastian hissed.

“Call it whatever you want, it doesn't change what it did. You brought him into a relationship with you, and you made him believe that he loves you. Just because he thinks so, doesn't make it true.”

Sebastian recoiled as if he had been slapped, and cursed himself immediately for being so obvious. He had suspected something like this, but it still hurt to hear it.

“I can't give you any more information than I already did,” Nerida continued, “but the curse won't be stable until you share true love's kiss with him. And as long as it's not stable, it can still be overthrown.”

“How?” Sebastian asked.

Nerida rolled her eyes. “Use your brain,” she said, “but if it helps, I doubt it will come to that.”

“Why?”

“Because the curse won't hold that long,” Nerida said. “Oh, don't look at me like that. The curse is unstable now, and I told you that takes a lot of energy. If things progress the way they did so far, the source of its energy will run out before it's stable.”

“The source...” Sebastian repeated, and he could feel the blood rush from his face when he remembered the day they designed the spell. “Blaine?”

Nerida shrugged. “It was your decision,” she said, “you could have taken it onto yourself, but...”

“I thought I'd stabilize it before that ever became an issue,” Sebastian said.

“Well, how did that work?” Nerida asked. “No, really, how is it working?”

“You know how it's working,” Sebastian ground out.

“Well, how is the boy doing, health-wise?” Nerida asked. “Any problems? Fainting, seizures, general weakness, unexpected bleeding?”

“Nosebleeds,” Sebastian answered, and slowly a feeling of dread started to fill him, “and a lot of migraines. And really intense nightmares.”

“Nightmares? Still?” Nerida asked. “That's impressive.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the bleeding and the migraines are obvious. The curse is connected to him and drains his energy, so that's just him getting weaker. The nightmares are different.”

“Different how?” Sebastian asked.

“Dreams come from the subconscious,” Nerida explained, “so him having night terrors is to be expected in the beginning – it's a sign that his subconscious is fighting the fake reality the curse has given him. But as you said, it's been months – months of the curse siphoning his energy. And yet, he's still fighting it. That is really impressive.”

“Whatever,” Sebastian ground out, “just tell me what I can do.”

“I already told you,” Nerida replied, “there are three possibilities. One, you stabilize the curse and do it soon, with true love's kiss, which means you have to make him fall in love with you – but seeing how far you've come, I wouldn't bet on it. Two, the curse is broken, but that's just about as likely as option one. And finally three, the curse runs out of energy and ends.”

“And Blaine?” Sebastian asked, although he feared what the answer would be.

“He might survive,” Nerida said, “probably won't. But even if he does – and that's a big if – it won't be much of a life”

Sebastian sank back into the chair. His whole body felt cold. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. All he had wanted was to be with Blaine. He had thought he'd be fine with how things were. He even had agreed to help Blaine with his proposal. After the way things had gone down with Hunter he had thought this was his last chance to prove to Blaine he wasn't a bad guy. At the time, it had seemed enough to salvage the tiniest chance of them becoming friends – and to be honest, he hadn't expected Hummel to actually say yes. Even as the Warblers had rehearsed their part, Sebastian had been thinking of how things would develop, how crushed Blaine would be by the rejection, and how much he'd need comfort, and who would be there to give it?

Of course, Sebastian had been wrong, but at first he thought even that could be okay. At least he had saved the chance of being friends. But during the weeks after the engagement he had realized he had fooled himself. He could only watch from afar how happy Blaine was, even if he didn't get to spend much time with his fiancé. Even his hope for friendship had been too much, apparently – Blaine only answered Sebastian's messages very reluctantly, and never agreed to meet him. Eventually, Sebastian had been forced to realize that he couldn't even have Blaine as a friend – and if he stopped lying to himself for even a moment, he had absolutely no interest in being friends with Blaine, anyway. He thought the spell would be the solution to all of his problems. He'd get to be with Blaine, get rid of Hummel completely, and once he'd stabilize the spell, they could be happy.

But Blaine wasn't happy, he didn't love Sebastian, and the spell was slowly killing him. It should have been perfect, and now? Here he was, with the relationship he had wanted more than anything else – and everything was just wrong.

“Does he even want to be with me?” Sebastian asked.

“You put a curse on him to even get him into this relationship,” Nerida said, “what do you _think_?”

Sebastian gulped against the bile rising in his throat. “But... he isn't forced to be with me, right? He could.... he would leave if he wanted to?”

“He _could_ leave if he wanted to,” Nerida answered his actual question, “of course, the problem here is actually wanting that. See, the one thing he knows for certain is that he loves you – that's knowledge the curse planted in his mind, just as he knows that the earth circles the sun. Apparently, love is important to him. So, yes, if you screw up so bad that he realizes he actually wants to leave you – he'll leave you. Not sure how much it would take to make him see that, though. And even if he did... what good would it do him? The curse would continue to drain his energy. It wouldn't change a thing. Sooner or later, he'd just drop dead.”

“You were supposed to help me!” Sebastian yelled. “This is not what I wanted!”

“It's what you got,” Nerida said uncaringly. “Now if you'd excuse me? I do have better things to do than repeat everything I told you already.”

As she stood, Sebastian stayed in his seat, letting everything she said run through his head again. This wasn't what he wanted – he had wanted the both of them to be happy together. There was nothing wrong with that, was there?

Except...

There was still one way to make things right. If the spell was stable... then they'd be happy. Blaine would be happy too, happy and safe. It was the only chance he left. And the first thing he had to do to make sure of that was to get rid of Hummel.

* * *

 Kurt fiddled with his cup, as he was sitting at the coffee shop, glancing at his watch. It was the week after thanksgiving, and he was waiting for Blaine. They only talked for a short time when they got coffee before their classes on Monday, but the interaction had been more than a little awkward. Kurt knew they'd have to talk about what happened at thanksgiving between them, and their meetings before class certainly weren't the right setting.

But now as he was waiting for Blaine, he couldn't help but be nervous.

They hadn't talked when Blaine had left on Friday, either. They had hugged, and Blaine had looked calm, but that was three days ago, and in the meantime, Sebastian had returned to New York, and Blaine had had way too much time to think. Kurt had spent most of today and yesterday trying to prepare himself for the expected “it was a mistake”, “we should just be friends” or even “I think we shouldn't see each other anymore”. Of course, he was hoping that Blaine would have come to his senses and leave Sebastian – but with the curse still firmly in place, Kurt realized that this was only wishful thinking.

He looked up at the sound of the door opening, just as he had for the last dozen times. Unlike those times, it was finally Blaine entering the coffee shop. Kurt gripped his cup tighter, steeling himself for what was about to come. He could already tell it wouldn't be good, just from looking at Blaine – he looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but here. Blaine stopped, and Kurt could see him take a deep breath, putting on a brave face, before looking around.

And then, their eyes met. Kurt felt his breath hitch. Blaine's eyes widened, and for a moment they just stared at each other. Blaine's whole face lit up, subtly but unmistakably, as he took in Kurt's sight, and his mouth opened in a silent “oh“. Kurt didn't dare to interrupt their eye contact, but somehow, he felt hopeful. The way Blaine was looking at him, Kurt couldn't imagine him breaking things off.

The moment was broken, when somebody crossed their line of sight. When Kurt saw him again, Blaine looked as if he had just woken up from a dream. He shook his head quickly, and then he was walking up to the table. Kurt stood up as he came close enough, and a moment later they were in an embrace.

After what felt like minutes, Blaine stepped back.

“Hey,” he said, and for a moment he looked at Kurt with his eyes full of emotion, before he sat down at their table. Kurt closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself.

“Hey,” he replied, as he sat down with him, “so... we should probably talk.”

“Talk, right,” Blaine said. “You know, I had it all planned out what I was going to say to you... I had half a speech ready.”

“Am I going to hear it?” Kurt asked.

Blaine sighed. “I don't know,” he said. “I thought I had it all figured out, but honestly? I don't.”

As helpless as Blaine sounded, it was still better than what Kurt had expected to hear. Relieved, he put his hand onto Blaine's. “It's okay,” he said.

“No, it's not!” To Kurt's disappointment, Blaine withdrew his hand. “I was going to tell you we can't see each other anymore.”

That was more in the line of what Kurt had expected, but it still hurt.

“I kept telling myself that I could just be your friend, and it would be fine,” Blaine continued, “but... I can't. I spent the whole weekend worrying about what I was going to do, and then Sebastian came back from Ohio yesterday and... he was really different. I know he kept saying he was trying, but suddenly he actually was, and all I could think of was you, and that I should feel horrible about us, but I didn't. And I... I don't understand it, Kurt. I'm not... This isn't me. This isn't something I do, not really. But I...” He paused and ran a hand through his hair – judging from the state of it not for the first time today. “I cheated on my boyfriend,” he said, “that's a really awful thing to do. But I'm just worried about what I'm going to do next. I don't even feel that bad about it... what does that even say about me?”

“Nothing.”

Blaine looked up at the vehemence with which that single word was spoken, but Kurt couldn't help it. This hit too close to home for him. They were fine – or had been fine before the curse – but it wasn't a subject Kurt wanted to discuss any further than they already had, and he definitely couldn't just sit here and listen to how Sebastian was a wronged party in this. Sebastian didn't deserve any pity, he deserved to get a salad fork stuck in his eye.

“It says nothing about you,” Kurt repeated and took Blaine's hand again despite minor resistance. “But it does say something about your relationship.”

“I screwed up, of course it is about me,” Blaine said. “I cheated on him, how is that Sebastian's fault?”

Kurt sighed. He didn't want to have this conversation. It reminded him way too much about why he and Blaine had broken up a year ago, and honestly, even thinking about that time was still painful. But this was not about them, or their relationship, this was about Sebastian _brainwashing_ Blaine. Kurt had to convince him that in this case, he hadn't done something horrible. But he felt like walking a very fine line if he was trying not to sound like a complete hypocrite.

“Let's start with how Sebastian cheated on you, too, more than once, and still doesn't seem really sorry about that,” Kurt said. This wast safe, not something they had to deal with themselves.

“So what, he cheated on me, now I get a blank check?” Blaine asked. “You can't be serious.”

“That's not what I meant,” Kurt said, “of course that's not how it works, why would you think that's what I meant?”

Blaine's outrage deflated and he sank back in his chair. “Actually, I think Sebastian sees it that way.”

“You mean if it wasn't me?”

“Actually, he thinks that has already happened,” Blaine said. “Remember when I stayed at your place after I found out about him and his... study partners? When I came home the next day he was convinced that you and I hooked up.”

“What?” Kurt sputtered. “And you let him believe that?”

“I told him he was insane,” Blaine said. He frowned as if he had to think hard, but then he shook his head. “He figured I... 'needed to get it out of my system'. Whatever that means.”

“I can't believe this guy,” Kurt muttered and ran a hand through his hair. “But that was actually not the point I was trying to make.”

“Then what is?” Blaine asked. “Because I could really use some advice here.”

“Don't you see?” Kurt asked. “Sebastian cheating on you doesn't surprise me. He's a bastard. No, don't defend him, you know it's true. But you cheated on him, too, and no, that doesn't fit who you are. I don't think you'd do that if everything was alright in your relationship. I mean, maybe you should try to talk about how you feel once in a while, because honestly, people can't read your mind, Blaine, and I get that you don't want to complain, but you tend to build things up in your head until they seem a million times worse than they actually are, and then you overreact and do something really stupid, that could have easily been prevented if you'd just _talk_ to me!”

Finally, he'd run out of breath. Blaine stared at him wide-eyed and uncertain. Kurt reviewed what he'd said and wished the earth would swallow him up.

“Him. Talk to him. Or... you know, anybody. But... talk.”

“Were you really talking about this situation right now?” Blaine asked carefully.

“Maybe. No. I don't know,” Kurt said. “But it's true, and you should think about this.”

“I'll try...” Blaine said. “So... I _should_ talk to him? But I don't even know what's wrong.”

“I kind of got off-track there,” Kurt said, “what I was actually going for is this: you slept with me, because you wanted to – but you wouldn't have if your relationship was actually good, something that made you happy. And again, Sebastian wasn't faithful to you, either. Have you ever thought about whether this relationship is actually good for you, or even something you still want?”

Blaine looked down. “I love him, I know I do,” he said. His voice was low and almost sounded defeated, but there was an unwavering certainty in it that went like an arrow straight into Kurt's heart.

“So you keep saying,” Kurt said. At least he didn't sound as bitter as he felt. Not quite as bitter at least.

“You think I'm lying?”

“No, I'm sure you believe it,” Kurt said, “but that doesn't mean it's true.”

“So you think I don't know what I'm feeling?” Blaine asked.

Kurt could tell he was getting defensive, and that wasn't something he could go up against. He took a deep breath to calm himself down, before he started talking. Blaine wasn't the only one who could prepare speeches.

“I'm saying that things change – feelings change, and just because something was true at one point, doesn't mean it will be that way forever. You've been with him for how long? Didn't you say two years? And that it's your first serious relationship?”

Even saying these lies out loud left a bitter taste in Kurt's mouth, but he had to put that aside now. Blaine was still frowning, even as he nodded, but he was listening now.

“Just because it worked back at Dalton, doesn't mean it will work here in New York. People change, and going to college is such a big cut. I'm not saying you don't care about Sebastian, but did you ever even consider if your feelings for him are still just as they were back then? Or if this relationship is actually making you happy? Because... you weren't happy with him. And that is not about me or anybody else, that is just about you and him. When we met, you were miserable. That relationship was making you miserable. And you deserve to be happy, Blaine. Can you even remember the last time you were?”

Blaine gulped visibly, but he didn't take his eyes off Kurt for even a second.

“I...” he started, but broke off. It took him a few more breaths until he continued. “Not with Sebastian, no.”

“Blaine...” He looked so lost that Kurt couldn't help but reach out to him. “Why are you putting yourself through this?”

Blaine pulled his hand back and ran it through his hair once more. By now, there were only a few sad remains of gel left. “I know that I love him...” he said.

“Why do you always say it like that?” Kurt asked. “Love isn't something you know, it's something you feel.”

“What I feel...” Blaine sighed and shook his head, slowly looking up. “I do have feelings for you, Kurt. I've basically been denying it since we met, but I do. When I'm with you? You make me feel happy... and safe... and alive. I feel like I've been sleepwalking through my life, and then you turn up and wake me up. But this... it's not easy, Kurt. I've been with Sebastian for two years – that's not something I can just throw away. It hasn't been easy for him, either – I'm not easy. I have so much baggage, sometimes I can't even function. I'm still dealing with things that happened years ago, I wake up screaming on a regular base, I get these migraines, sometimes I just want to crawl out of my skin... and he's been there all the time, even when things were rough. I just... I don't know what to do. I really, honestly don't have any idea what to do.”

“Just... come here,” Kurt muttered and pulled the other boy against himself in a half embrace. “I know this is hard for you. Look, I'm not going to tell you to choose. I just want you to be okay, Blaine. And right now... I don't think you are. I'll admit I'm biased, but I don't think being with Sebastian is something that's good for you. Just... think about what you really want, okay? And no matter what you come up with – I'll be here. I'll be with you, definitely as your friend, and maybe as whatever you want me to be, but you got me. I won't leave you. Just... think about this, okay?”

Blaine nodded weakly. “Thank you,” he said. “I just... I need some time to think about all this. I'm sorry, I don't want to lead you on or anything, you deserve better, it's just...”

“I get it,” Kurt said. “Take your time. Just promise me you will think about it.”

“I will,” Blaine said, “thank you. You're... god, I really don't deserve you.”

For a moment Kurt considered a sarcastic answer, but he decided against it. “Well, you got me, anyway,” he said instead, “and I promise I will _not_ give up on you.”

 


	13. Where Else Can I Turn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is a bit late again, but I was too busy being sick. Ah, well, so it goes.  
> Not sure if it needs a warning, but this chapter contains a short (medically inaccurate) description of blood.
> 
> Kurt confronts Sebastian, and Blaine stumbles into more than he can handle.

* * *

 For what felt like the millionth time, Kurt glanced at his watch. His shift at the diner was almost over, and he couldn't wait to get out of here and talk to Isabelle, who was still trying to figure out just what he needed to do in order to break the curse. He was also hoping to tell her about the progress he felt he was making. Blaine wasn't ready yet to leave Sebastian – but Kurt felt like it wasn't that far-fetched anymore.

...and speak of the devil.

Kurt turned away, then looked back at the table. But he hadn't been mistaken – there was Sebastian himself, sitting at a table close to the bar and looking disdainfully at everything. Unbelievable that the bastard had the gall to just walk in here... What Kurt really wanted was so strangle the weasel, or at least kick him out, or just go over and demand an explanation on why he was putting them through all this. The only problem was that he couldn't talk about what was actually wrong.

Or could he? Sebastian knew exactly what he was doing. It was just Blaine he had to protect from the truth for now. And Sebastian? Oh, he deserved to hear just what he was doing.

With determination, he went over to Santana who was behind the bar flirting with Dani. He only had twenty minutes left of his shift, she'd survive starting a few minutes early. Once that was cleared, Kurt walked over to the table where Sebastian was sitting.

Sebastian only looked up when he sat down.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kurt asked.

“Trust me, you couldn't pay me enough to come into this dump,” Sebastian said, the same old sneer in his voice. Kurt was sure he'd jump over the table to punch him before the conversation was over.

“But let's get right to the point,” Sebastian said, “I'm here to discuss something with you. And by discuss I mean I'm going to tell you what to do, got it? Here it goes – stay away from my boyfriend.”

“What?” God, the _nerve_ this guy had...

“I mean it. Blaine seems to think you have this cuddly pre-school friendship going on, but I'm not as blind. You want him. Now, I don't even blame you, I get it, I know he's hot. But he's mine. So stay away, or I will destroy you. Got it?”

Kurt's hand was clutching the table so hard he was surprised the plastic didn't just break. But he managed to sound completely calm as he spoke.

“Actually, I have a counter-proposal,” he said. “How about _you_ stay away from _my fiancé_?”

It was worth it, just to see the way Sebastian's face fell instantly, how his eyes widened to the point that Kurt expected them to budge out of his face any second now. Sebastian's jaw fell open, and he had to make several attempts until he finally managed to produce words.

“What... What are you even... are you completely delusional now? He's not your-”

“Blaine and I are engaged, you were there when he proposed to me,“ Kurt said, “but you couldn't stand the thought that he just doesn't want you, that he never wanted you and is never going to. So instead of acting like a normal human being and getting over your obsession with my fiancé, you decided to get him, to hell with whatever Blaine wants. I know what you did, Sebastian. Don't even try to deny it. You cursed him. You had his memory torn to shreds and made him think he loves you, just because you couldn't stand the fact that he doesn't want you. Could you get more pathetic?”

“Shut up,” Sebastian hissed. For a moment Kurt was sure he would deny everything, but then he saw Sebastian deflate. “How did you even find out?”

“You're not the only one who knows fairies,” Kurt said. “I have one question, though.”

“Why on earth would I answer your questions?”Sebastian asked weakly. It was clear that this confrontation was not going even close to what he had expected.

“How could you do that to him?” Kurt asked. His voice was softer now than before, and he could feel the calmness he'd projected so far wavering.

“I love him, okay?” It sounded like an outburst, and Kurt realized that Sebastian hadn't planned on saying it, but now that he had, he seemed to be getting into it. “You're not the only person who cares about him. I love him, he's the best person I've ever met who even gave me the time of a day. I knew that we could be good together – but it's not like saw anything beside you. It was always you. And what are you, even? You're nothing! You're a pretentious loser at a ridiculous school full of pretentious losers! Blaine could have anybody, and yet he wants to waste himself on you. This was _necessary_ to open his eyes.”

“He loves me,” Kurt said, his anger rising again. “And I love him, too. We were perfectly happy before you and your curse came along.”

“Why should you have him?” Sebastian asked, and now he sounded like a petulant child.

“Because it's what Blaine chose!” Kurt had to keep himself in check just so that he didn't start screaming in the middle of his workplace. “If you cared about him at all, you would at least respect his wishes, but you don't give a damn. It's only about what you want, you don't _care_ about him. That's not love! What's wrong with you that you can even pretend it is?”

Sebastian glared at him and raised his voice now, too. “Shut up! You don't know a thing about me! I get that you like sitting on your high horse, but you don't get to judge me. You're horrible for him, anyway! This is for his own good, and once I stabilized the spell, he'll see it, too.”

“Look at him! Does he look happy to you? Does he even look healthy to you? He doesn't sleep, he has night terrors, and migraines, and he's miserable! Can't you see what this is doing to him?”

 “That's because the spell isn't stable yet,” Sebastian hissed, “but once I've stabilized it, he's going to be fine. He'll be happy – and the only way for this to happen is if he's with me. You're the one who's hurting him. If you stop distracting him, I'll be able to make things right, and Blaine is going to be okay. If _you_ care about him, stay away from him! You're the one who's hurting him.”

“I'm helping him!” Kurt replied.

“Oh, I guess that explains why he's gotten so much _worse_ since he met you. Just stay away from him! There's only one way to make this right, and it doesn't involve you! Why do you always have to be in the way?”

“In the way?!” Kurt's voice got even higher. “How can you-” he stopped, when he felt his phone vibrate, but ignored it. “If you think that after what I know I'll leave him alone with you, then you're even madder than I thought.” Two more vibrations followed shortly. Annoyed, Kurt shot a quick look at the display. Three messages, sent in quick successions – all of them from Blaine.

Sebatian was going on about something, but suddenly, Kurt had lost interest. Blaine knew he was at the diner, and usually was too worried to disturb him at work, no matter how often Kurt told him it was alright. The content of the messages wasn't much more reassuring.

“Need to see you NOW”

"Something happened. Freaking out!”

“At home now, please come quickly.”

Something happened... an ice cold shudder went down Kurt's spine. Whatever was going on, Blaine needed him.

“I don't care how you justify this to yourself,” he snapped at Sebastian, “but you're hurting him. If you cared about him even the slightest bit, you never would have put him through any of this. And now excuse me, I'm getting sick from just looking at you.”

As he rushed out of the diner, he almost felt like running away, but no matter what else he wanted to say to Sebastian, Blaine was more important. He just hoped whatever had happened was something he'd be able to fix.

* * *

Blaine was already exhausted by the time he'd managed to even get out of bed. He had hardly slept after another nightmare. It had been a particularly bad one, and even now he could feel the shadow of fear hanging at the back of his mind. He couldn't help but think back to thanksgiving, and how fast Kurt's presence had managed to calm him down to the point that he'd actually had a good night's sleep, enveloped in a safe embrace. It had proven as a stark contrast to the way Sebastian's touch made him panic even more.

Maybe this was part of trying again, but Sebastian didn't flee to the couch in the living room anymore when Blaine's nightmares started. He even tried to comfort Blaine, but it hadn't helped the least. It had taken ages until Blaine had calmed down enough that he wasn't screaming in panic, and when he had been able to think again, all he wanted to do was to get his phone and call Kurt. He had managed to restrain himself, but he had hardly slept for the rest of the night.

He wasn't sure whether the pain in his head was just a regular bout of migraine or an effect of too little sleep. Eventually, it made no difference. He was definitely in no shape to go to class today at all.

Even after getting out of bed, he didn't manage more than to sit around on a kitchen chair, staring at his coffee mug. The drink was cold now – not a surprise, since he had been sitting here for hours, enough time for the painkillers to finally work. Sebastian had made him coffee before he'd had to go to class, and to be honest, Blaine was relieved to have some time by himself. He had to think, but it wasn't so easy when Sebastian kept hovering around him.

Why did things have to be so complicated? And would he even be thinking about this, if Kurt had never come into his life?

But he couldn't regret it. Even if meeting Kurt would eventually prove to tear his life apart, he could never regret it. Kurt made him feel good, made him feel alive, and that was worth everything. He couldn't even regret sleeping with him, even if that meant that he had cheated on Sebasian. The one thing he was sure of – the one thing that he couldn't lie to himself about – was that if he was in the same situation again, he wouldn't change what he did. He couldn' regret sharing that night with Kurt.

He couldn't regret _anything_ with Kurt.

Well, he really was in trouble, wasn't he? When had his life gotten this complicated, anyway? He had been perfectly content before...

Except he hadn't been. He'd been apathetic, cold, and honestly miserable. He'd felt dependant of Sebastian, as if there was nobody else in his life who even cared about him. And now? He had friends, he had success in school, he felt alive and occasionally happy – and Kurt, his thoughts kept getting back to Kurt.

If this was happening to somebody else, Blaine would tell them that it was obvious, that there was no struggle, that he was just in love – and not with his boyfriend. But it wasn't somebody else, it was happening to him, and he couldn't just ignore Sebastian in all that, could he? Two years wasn't something he could just throw away. And to be completely honest, the mere thought of leaving Sebastian was scary. He wasn't completely alone anymore, but that didn't change the fact that Sebastian was the person who'd stuck around him for the longest. Blaine didn't have any illusions on how his boyfriend would react if they broke up – a friendship afterwards wouldn't happen. Was he really capable of letting go of the last thing he had kept from home?

It was too hard to decide. He never would have thought he'd get into a situation like this. Really, he'd love to just hide in here until everything went away, but he was aware that wasn't an option. This was about his life, and his happiness, and neither Kurt nor Sebastian deserved to be kept on hold until Blaine finally figured out what he wanted. It wasn't fair to anybody.

He almost regretted not going to school today – dancing with Cassandra July would probably do wonders for his racing mind. Eventually, he turned to the piano. Maybe playing would calm him down.

As his fingers glid over the keys, he allowed his mind to wander. He thought back on his relationship, tried to capture moments of warmth, of passion and most importantly happiness. Kurt's question had shaken him more than he wanted to admit even to himself. Even now he couldn't conjure up anything. There were a few, fleeting moments of closeness, but he hadn't been happy. Could his feelings have changed so much?

The song he'd improvised on felt done now, come to an end, but it hadn't helped. Maybe if he played from sheets? Now that he thought about it, he hadn't done that in some time. He wasn't even completely sure where he kept his sheet music. He should probably look for it.

With new determination, Blaine left the piano and went to their study. It was where they kept all papers, his sheets were probably somewhere with the rest. His first move was to the cabinet where they kept documents, but as he tried to open it he found it locked. That was weird... he couldn't remember locking it, and he had no idea why Sebastian would do that. Hadn't he looked at something here only a short while ago...? But he couldn't remember what it was supposed to be he had checked out, so maybe this was just some form of déjà-vû.

He looked around for a bit, but he couldn't find the key. It was confusing, but he decided to ask Sebastian later. For now, he still had some other places to go through, starting with his desk drawers. Going through them, he found some school stuff and also a comic he had put aside in case he wanted to read while studying – though so far, there hadn't been much theoretical studying for NYADA. With a smile, he opened it, considering to read it again, when something fell out. It was an envelope, bigger than a usual letter, and there was something solid inside. Blaine looked inside to find a disc inside. He didn't remember putting it into the comic, or what it was. Then he noticed the address written on it. It was in Cooper's handwriting. He couldn't even remember the last time Cooper had sent anything. He hadn't heard anything from his brother in months if not longer. He glanced at the stamp to see when it was sent. His eyes widened. The date was late May. Hadn't he read it before?

“Hey Squirt,  
sorry again that I couldn't be there, I really hate having to miss your big day, and probably graduation as well... But in case you doubted, it's all over youtube, I've watched it a thousand times and I just want you to know, I couldn't be prouder, or happier for you – the both of you, obviously. That performance and the arrangement of everything? That was brilliant. I didn't know you had a hand for choreography. And wow, my baby brother engaged – can't say, I saw that coming. But of course he said yes, with that show, how could he not?  
I wish I could have been there, but shooting is pretty tough right now – I guess that's the price you have to pay for a regular job. I even managed to move out of that dump I was staying in. By the way, I found a little something during the move. I figured now it won't be too painful to watch anymore. I know, not quite the right season, but you can totally get into Christmas mood in summer!  
Okay, I hope I'll get to see you soon, say hi to Kurt, and if you get around to it, check out my show, okay?  
Love,  
Cooper.”

Blaine read the letter again, but the words didn't change. Engaged? But he hadn't gotten engaged – he'd remember that, wouldn't he? And how could Cooper talk about Kurt in a letter from May when Blaine hadn't even met him until fall?

And what was on that disk that would have been too painful to watch at some point?

Still frowning, Blaine opened his notebook that was standing on the desk. His thoughts were running around in a circle as he waited for it to be ready. He hadn't talked to Cooper in ages, not since... well, definitely not for a year. Maybe Christmas last year, or Thanksgiving? He couldn't exactly remember.

Finally, the laptop was ready and Blaine put the disk in. Seconds later, a video started.

At first, it looked like a Star Wars parody, only with the familiar opening phrase changed to “in a chalét far, far away”, but before he could get confused about that, a voiceover started, announcing the “Glee holiday spectacular”, coming right from Lima, Ohio. Blaine frowned. That was Kurt's hometown... and Cooper had mentioned Kurt in the letter. Did they know each other? The voiceover continued, showing a clip from Rachel between two guys he didn't know in front of a Christmas tree holding presents.

“Starring Rachel Berry, Noah Puckerman and Finn Hudson!”

So was it something from their old glee club? But how would Cooper...

He froze midthought as a different clip was shown.

“Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson!”

They, too, were standing in front of Christmas decor, Kurt in a black and white reindear sweater was fixing Blaine's bow-tie and they both grinned at the camera. A moment later, their image was replaced by clips from other people, other students from Kurt's glee club, apparently, but Blaine's mind was still focussed on the image of himself and Kurt.

Blaine felt dizzy and spooked, a clear contrast to the holiday theme and the upbeat version of Let It Snow he watched himself perform as a duet with Kurt.

It was bizarre.

This video couldn't possibly exist. He'd remember something like this! If this was Kurt's high school, it had to be at least two years old. He hadn't even known Kurt two years ago, how could they have shot a film together? And not only shot a film, but act so... close, so familiar... as if they had been together once. But... they hadn't.

Confused, Blaine skipped to the end of the video, hoping to find anything that could help him figure out what was going on. There was a short disclaimer, thanking the students of William McKinley High School. Kurt's old high school, at least that made sense, although he had figured that out already. But Blaine had never gone there.

Had he?

There was a memory clawing its way into the forefront of his brain, and with it came a rush of anxiety so strong that Blaine almost couldn't breathe through it.

He knew he had graduated from Dalton. But he couldn't remember it. And although it felt more like a dream than a memory, he had seen something... something about him and McKinley...

He turned to the cabinet where they kept these documents, and pulled open the drawer – or tried at least. Only then did he remember that it was locked. Why on earth would it be locked?

Sebastian had been there, whether it was an actual memory or a dream. Had he locked the cabinet? It would make sense – well, at least for this situation. From the laptop, Blaine could hear himself sing with Rachel, Kurt, and a girl he didn't remember. His whole body seemed to vibrate. He tried to open the cabinet again, but it stayed locked.

If Sebastian had locked it, he probably kept the key with himself. But that was okay. As expensive as the furniture was, it wasn't nearly as stable as Sebastian thought. They did have a tool kit, although he knew Sebastian would just as likely hire a handyman instead of repairing anything himself. Now, it came in really handy.

A minute later he had found what he needed and started to work on the cabinet. It took longer than he had thought, but eventually, the wood gave way with a loud noise, and the papers spilled onto the ground. Blaine knelt down, sorting through them. And there it was, his diploma. Blaine closed his eyes for a moment, preparing himself for what he was going to see next. When he opened them again, they immediately fell to the writing saying William McKinley High School. He almost couldn't read it with how strongly his hands were shaking, but there it was, black on white, surrounded by a few rust-colored dots that he didn't want to think about.

A spike of pain ran through his head, right behind his left eye, and he gasped for breath.

It was too much – definitely more than he could handle on his own. And now that he had the diploma in front of him, he felt much more certain that he had found it before. Why hadn't he remembered?

Sebastian had been there... and he didn't know what had happened next. Now there was fear, too, almost paralyzing him, and as if on autopilot, he pulled out his phone. There was only one person he trusted right now.

He had to see Kurt.

* * *

Kurt felt his heart race as he hurried to Blaine's apartment. The way here was way too long. He had imagined a dozen horror scenarios of just what had happened to him. A break-in, maybe? Or did somebody hurt him?

But when he rang the door bell, it only took a few seconds before it was thrown open. Blaine was standing in the door, and Kurt found himself checking the other boy quickly. No visible injuries, no blood, but he was white as a sheet, shaking, and Kurt could see a thin layer of sweat on his face.

Without a word, Blaine took his wrist and pulled him inside. Kurt was already dragged through the corridor and into the study by the time he found his voice again.

“Blaine, what's going...” he stopped when he got a look at the room. Folders and documents were scattered on the floor, and one of the cabinets had apparently been broken open. “Oh my god,” Kurt breathed. Blaine had been robbed. That explained why he was so freaked out. But he wasn't hurt, Blaine wasn't hurt, he was okay, he must have come home after the robbers were already gone and... and there was a laptop standing open on one of the desks, some black and white movie running over the screen. So much for the break-in theory.

“Blaine, what's going on?”

Instead of answering, Blaine stared at him as if he was losing his mind. “Look at it!” He gestured to the laptop, and in confusion, Kurt turned to pay closer attention to the movie. After a second he recognized Rachel on the screen, and then he saw Blaine, Mercedes, himself, and suddenly he realized just what he was looking at.

At least now he knew why Blaine was freaking out.

“Do you know this thing? Have you seen this before?” Blaine asked. “What _is_ that? And I found a letter from my brother, he sent that to me – oh, and he says hi to you. He mentioned you by name. In May, Kurt! How the hell did my brother know you months ago?”

“Blaine, please calm down, there is an explanation for all this,” Kurt said, although he had no idea what he was supposed to say. He could explain, but he remembered Isabelle's warning. This could hurt Blaine, maybe even kill him. He had to be careful. But what he needed to do most was to calm Blaine down.

“Do you have an explanation for this, too?” Blaine asked and threw another piece of paper at him. Kurt unrolled it carefully. It was Blaine's diploma, obviously from McKinley. “I went to Dalton,” Blaine said, and his voice sounded higher, more upset than Kurt had ever heard it, “I graduated from there! But you know what? I called. I called Dalton, and had them go through the records. I transferred before my junior year, according to them.”

“So...”, began Kurt, although he had no idea how he would finish the sentence.

“So I never did! I didn't go to McKinley! So why do I have a McKinley diploma, and why am I on a video by McKinley students, with _you_ , and why am I in Glee club performances with New Directions when I was only ever a Warbler? Why are _you_ with the Warblers in two performances?”

“You... you looked up glee club performances?” Kurt asked, his voice now sounding weakly. He wished he knew more about curses than what Isabelle had told him – but she had said the curse protected itself, that it would keep Blaine from searching. Maybe the christmas special had been enough to suppress that effect, but now Blaine was completely frantic and Kurt had no idea what to do.

Isabelle. She would know. All he had to do was get Blaine to her and she could help him solve this.

“This doesn't make any sense,” Blaine muttered, pacing through the mess the room had turned into. “How is this even possible?” Now he looked at Kurt almost pleading, and his voice sounded smaller – not hysterical, but scared. “I don't remember _anything_ of that happening, Kurt. But then I think about it, and the things I thought I should remember? I don't remember them either. I just know they happened, but I _can't remember._ It's like I've forgotten months of my life. I have a rough idea of what happened in them, but there's no memory. And now, all this? This is real, but it completely contradicts everything I know, and I just... I don't understand, Kurt. I don't... I...”

Blaine looked so helpless, Kurt couldn't stand it anymore. He stepped forward and pulled Blaine against him. For a moment Kurt feared Blaine would push him away, but after a moment of hesitation, the other boy sank against him and even clutched at him, holding on like a drowning man to the last plank.

“I don't understand,” Blaine repeated.

“It's going to be okay,” Kurt said softly, not sure if he was lying. “It's all going to be okay, Blaine. Please calm down. It will all make sense, just... just calm down. Can you do that for me?”

Blaine looked up and directly into Kurt's eyes. He was still pale, and up close Kurt could see that he probably hadn't slept a lot. Blaine looked completely exhausted, panicked, and determined at once. “Do you know what's going on, Kurt?”

Kurt froze. He couldn't tell Blaine. He couldn't risk it. But he also couldn't lie to him – not even because of morals or trust issues, but because he literally wasn't able to lie to Blaine, at least not in a way that would convince him. So all he managed to do was to nod. “Yes, I think I do.”

“Then _tell me._ ”

Blaine was exhausted, and desparate. Kurt realized just how hard this all had to be on Blaine. He had had an idea, of course, but to see it like this was something else. He never wanted him to hurt. He wished he could just take Blaine away from all this, just magically make it all go away. If this was actually a fairy tale, he could just kiss him and make it alright again. But he couldn't. What he could do was to pull Blaine closer again and thread a hand through his hair.

“I will,” he whispered. “I'll explain everything, Blaine. I'm so sorry this is happening, but we'll figure it out, okay? I'm with you, I promise.”

“I just want to know what's happening to me,” Blaine said.

“I'll explain, I promise.” Kurt kept saying the words into Blaine's ear, promising the truth, whispers of reassurements, anything to calm him down. Eventually, it seemed to work. Blaine wasn't shaking anymore, at least not as violently. He still was leaning heavily against Kurt.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked.

“My head's killing me,” Blaine muttered. “Kurt, you have to tell me.”

“I kind of need help for that,” Kurt said, “I told you about Isabelle, my boss? Come with me to see her, and then we'll explain everything that's been going on, okay?”

When Blaine looked at him, he looked vulnerable, still exhausted, but the despair had gone – or maybe he was just too tired. “Okay,” he whispered.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?”

Sebastian. At the sound of his voice, Kurt was sure that Blaine would step away from him. But instead, he only turned, barely even stepping out of Kurt's embrace. It was almost uplifting, if Sebastian hadn't already sounded ready to kill – or if Kurt couldn't feel how heavily Blaine was leaning against him.

“Stay away from him,” Sebastian snarled as he advanced.

Kurt shuddered. He had never perceived him as threatening, but now he realized he might get into a fight.

But apparently, Kurt wasn't the only one who felt addressed.

“I stay wherever the hell I want,” Blaine said. He sounded braver than he felt, judging by the way the hand he had around Kurt was tightening. “How about you explain this?” He jerked his head towards the laptop. Sebastian looked at it, and didn't seem to recognize it for a moment. But that wasn't necessary, not when the video showed Blaine and Kurt together only seconds later. He didn't need to know what it was to know what it meant.

“This,” Sebsatian said, and now he walked slowly to the desk, “this is nothing. _He_ is nothing. What the hell have you been doing here?”

“Trying to find out what the hell is going on here,” Blaine replied. “What are you...”

With a smashing sound, the laptop crashed into the ground. Sebastian turned around to them, and now Kurt was actually scared.

“Get out!” Sebastian shouted. “Get away from him and get out of our lives!”

In a heartbeat, Blaine had stepped out of Kurt's embrace and in front of him, as if to shield him from Sebastian. “You stay away from him,” Blaine said. There was no trace of exhaustion in his voice now, just determination.

“Even now?!” Sebastian stared at them in disbelief, and Kurt realized just what he was thinking of, the last time that Blaine had stepped in front of Kurt to protect him from Sebastian. For a moment, Kurt got worried what Sebastian might do.

But instead of advancing, Sebastian paled and an expression of horror spread on his face. “Blaine...?” he said weakly.

“What?!”

Sebastian held his hands up in a gesture that was probably supposed to be comforting. “Calm down,” Sebastian said, but even his voice was shaking. Kurt didn't understand what had happened. One second everything looked as if they'd start punching each other, and now...? Blaine seemed just as confused and turned his head quickly, looking at Kurt...

And Kurt gasped for breath, staring in shock at Blaine. “Oh my god...” he whispered.

“What? Kurt, what's... what's going on?” Blaine asked, confusion in his eyes – his beautiful, hazel eyes, but the left was framed completely by red now, instead of white. Blood, not just a small popped vessel, it had to be more... And now, the blood was leaking, like a gruesome imitation of tears...

“Kurt?” Blaine looked at him in confusion. He blinked, apparently noticing the wetness. He brought up his hand and touched his cheek, gasping as he saw the red on it.

Despite the shivers running through his whole body, Kurt forced his voice to sound calm.

“Blaine... stay calm please, but... you need to see a doctor. Now.”

 

 


	14. These Endless Days...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story is slowly coming to an end, one chapter after this one plus an epilogue. I'm currently working on wrapping it up, althogh I have one more exam that might push things back a bit. But the rest of the story should definitely be up within the next two weeks. Let's see how it works out. For now, enjoy the chapter.

* * *

There was nothing quite like waiting at a hospital for news about the condition of a loved one. Kurt had once thought that hospitals would forever be connected to his mother's deaath for him – until his dad's heart attack. And now? The situation right now wasn't as dire as his dad's had been... probably... but he couldn't be sure of it, not with curses in the mix. All he could say for sure was that he hated hospitals, and how helpless they made him feel.

Kurt wasn't sure how much of it had been the blood coming out of Blaine's eyes and how much had been the insurance Sebastian had waved around, but upon arriving at the hospital, things had gone down extremely fast. They had seen a doctor immediately, and Blaine had been whisked away for a tests right away.

And now Kurt was forced once more to sit around helplessly in a hospital. Except this time, he had the company of Sebastian.

Just wonderful.

They were sitting in a waiting area. The room was only moderately filled, with enough space to give them at least a bit of privacy. To his credit, Sebastian looked about as freaked out as Kurt felt. He was pale, twitchy, and kept running a hand through his hair. Kurt could see that he was close to saying something, but he didn't care. All he wanted was for Blaine to be okay He wasn'tinterested in small talk, especially not with that bastard... not with the person who put Blaine here in the first place. There was absolutely nothing Sebastian could say that Kurt would care to hear.

“This is all my fault.”

Okay, maybe except for that.

“You think?” Kurt asked, but the sarcasm fell flat.

Sebastian sighed. “Look, I like this trading insults game as much as you do, but can we reschedule for when Blaine's life is _not_ hanging in the balance?”

Kurt's first instinct was to snap at him, but he knew that Sebastian was right about this at least. “Is it?” he asked instead.

Sebastian just looked at him in confusion.

“Could this actually kill him?” Kurt clarified what he meant. “Look, you're the one with the... fairy godmother, and the curse, I don't really understand what's going on. What is this doing to Blaine?”

“I don't know, okay? This is... it's not how it was supposed to go. My... fairy godmother didn't exactly give me a manual to this.”

“Then give it your best guess,” Kurt hissed.

“You shouldn't have told him anything,” Sebastian said and now glared at Kurt. So much for it all being his own fault... “He can't handle the truth, his brain can't take it. His subconscious is still fighting against the reality the spell made. But the magic is stronger, he can't possibly break it on his own. It's like running head-first against a brick wall – in theory, with enough force, you could break it, but in reality, you're going to end up with a concussion.”

“Or dead,” Kurt said.

“It's not exactly a perfect metaphor,” Sebastian continued, “seeing how the brick wall wouldn't go out of its way to hit you as soon as it only senses that you might consider running against it.”

“So that's what's happening? Blaine gets hurt as soon as he tries to see behind the curtain?”

“Kind of, yes. Which is why he can't be told what's going on,” Sebastian said.

“I know he can't be told,” Kurt said, “but he had already found out. He found a video of us from before the curse, he found his diploma, he looked up glee club performances – I was trying to do damage control. ...why am I even justifying myself to you?”

“Because Blaine could have died, and you're just as freaked out as I am about it,” Sebastian said. “I get that you hate me. I probably deserve it. But we have to focus on Blane now.”

Kurt would have loved to be contrary, but as much as he hated to admit it, Sebastian had a point. Somehow, he would have to try and gather whatever information Sebastian had. If he got this wrong... If Blaine actually...

He couldn't think about it.

“How about you start from the top then?” he asked eventually. Sebastian looked at him in surprise, as if he had actually exptected more arguing. Kurt just shrugged. “I do hate you,” he said, “I think you're the most disgusting, vile human being I ever met. But I don't care about you. What I care about is that Blaine is okay, and for that I need more information. So talk, because I really can't stand just sitting around wondering what's happening to him right now.”

“Right...” Sebastian said. “My family has a fairy godmother. There's apparently some aristocracy in my mother's line, it doesn't really matter. But I went to her to have this spell made, so Blaine would be with me. She told me when the spell was put into the world, it would still be fragile. Right now, it could go either way. I have to stabilize it, then it'll be just as if things had always been this way. But until that happens, it's... vague. And this state takes a lot of energy. I thought I could stabilize it immediately, when she told me what I needed for it. I had the spell centered on Blaine, so I could stabilize it through him. All it would take was a kiss. Except I kissed him less than an hour after the spell hit, and look where we are.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Not a kiss,” he said, “true love's kiss. Of course it didn't work.”

“Since when are you the expert?” Sebastian said and glared at him.

There wasn't really any point in feeling superior when Kurt had made the same assumption Sebastian had, so he shrugged. “Go on, then.”

“And yes, fine, it has to be true love's kiss. I thought the spell would make him love me, and obviously I know that I love him, but it's not enough.”

“Because magic can't create love,” Kurt said.

“Will you stop interrupting me?” Sebastian asked, although he sounded more exhausted than annoyed. “No, it's not real love, and until I manage to make him fall in love with me, I can't stabilize the spell.”

“You do realize that is never going to happen, right?” Kurt asked. “He doesn't love you, no matter how many false memories you put into his brain.”

“He could fall in love with me,” Sebastian said.

Kurt snorted. “Right... you've kept him isolated for months and it didn't happen, and now he knows that you're lying to him.”

“You should hope it works,” Sebastian said darkly.

“And why would I do that?”

Sebastian sighed. As he ran a hand through his hair again, Kurt saw that it was shaking. “The spell can't stay like this forever. I told you, it takes energy. There are two options here for that to change. One is stabilizing the magic...”

“And the other one is breaking it,” Kurt said.

“Will you shut up? Okay, fine, three options. One, I stabilize the spell – not that likely right now. Two, it gets... broken. Not likely either, given that I don't even know what that requires. Right now, we're going straight up to option three. The spell is taking up energy from a... source. Once that energy has run out, the curse will end,” Sebastian explained, “so unless I stabilize it... it'll disappear.”

“Sounds like we should go with that one,” Kurt said.

When Sebastian looked up now, Kurt thought for a second he was about to cry. It didn't fit. Kurt thought back on what Sebastian had said – and felt how the color drained from his face.

“You did _not_ ,” he growled. “You did _not_ make Blaine the source of the curse.”

“I thought it'd be stable within an hour!” Sebastian hissed.

“And look how that worked out! You can't think and Blaine has to pay for it!” Kurt couldn't stay sitting, he got up and started to pace. “Well done, really well done. So what's going to happen now? What do you mean, when the... energy is gone, what will happen to him?”

He already knew that it had to be bad when Sebastian looked down instead of arguing. “He's...” He buried his face in his hands, apparently unable to look up, but Kurt could still hear what his answer was. “He's going to die.”

Kurt froze. He had considered that was a risk, definitely feared it after the bleeding earlier, but this was worse. This wasn't speculation – judging from the look of Sebastian and what he'd said it was the most likely outcome of this. He had known Blaine was suffering under the curse, but dying...

No. He couldn't deal with that. He wouldn't. There had to be something he could do. He would not let that happen. He'd find a way to stop this. There _was_ a way.

“You tell me right now how to break the curse,” he said. He hadn't known his voice could even sound this cold.

“I don't know, okay? Nerida refused to tell me! If I knew, don't you think I'd try it? I know that I hardly have a chance to stabilize it, but it's better than just waiting for him to die. If I knew a safe way to get him out of this, I _would_ do it!”

“You really expect me to believe that given the situation we're in?” Kurt asked. “I can't believe this... I can't believe even you could do this to him.”

“I know I screwed up,” Sebastian said, “I know it can't be excused, but can we maybe stop talking about who's at fault and start focussing on Blaine? You can try to kill me once he's out of danger.”

“You're...” Kurt stared at him. He didn't think he'd ever hated a person as much as Sebastian right now. But that wasn't the point. “What _can_ we do?” he asked instead, his voice now a lot softer than before.

“We have to keep him away from anything that makes him doubt this reality, if that's even possible,” Sebastian said, “and I will try to win his love, and kiss him, and the spell will be stable. But you have to stay away from him. I think a part of him, a subconscious part, remembers you. At least that would explain why he got so attached to you of all students at that ridiculous school. Clearly, he's conflicted, so your presence just reminds him that something is off, and that makes it harder for me to make him fall in love with me. You have to leave, and stay away – give me the room to make it happen. That's the only way we can save him.”

“So you win,” Kurt said bitterly.

“Blaine would be alive,” Sebastian said, “I'd think you'd count that as a win.”

“Alive and cursed,” Kurt said.

“Cursed is better than dead. Besides, once the curse is stable, he won't fight it anymore – he won't suffer, he'll be fine.” Sebastian looked right into Kurt's eyes. “The best thing you can do for Blaine is to let him go now. In fact, it's probably his only chance.”

Kurt stared at him, not completely sure if Sebastian was actually serious about this. Did he really think Kurt would just leave Blaine with him, help Sebastian get away with what he was doing? There _was_ a third option, Sebastian had even confirmed that it existed. The curse could be broken. Of course, he didn't know how, and Sebastian didn't know how, but there had to be a way to find out. It was possible...

But Blaine was _dying._

He didn't know how much time there was even left. And what if he didn't find a way to break the curse, or didn't find it in time, or wouldn't be able to do it once he knew? If he couldn't break the curse, and things progressed as they did...

He couldn't allow it.

“It's just for now,” Sebastian said, “you can come back into his life once he's safe. But for now, you're hurting him.”

Kurt looked at him with tired disbelief. They both knew the offer was a lie, just rhetorics to get Kurt to agree with him. Even if Sebastian could stabilize the curse, he might not even remember Blaine, and even if he did, Kurt couldn't imagine Sebastian letting him near, not when the fear of Blaine dying wasn't hanging over his head.

He had to find the third option. But Sebastian wasn't going to help him with that. Isabelle might, although Kurt had almost given up hope that she would find something. He needed more time... Blaine needed more time.

And as much as he hated the mere idea, Kurt had to admit that Sebastian had a point – Blaine was running out of time, and by being close to him Kurt was making it worse.

He didn't want to leave Blaine with that monster, the mere thought made his skin crawl – but he couldn't risk his life.

“Excuse me, are you with Blaine Anderson?”

They both looked up at the voice. One of the nurses was standing in front of them.

“He's in room 331, the first examinations are done, and the doctor already saw him. Let me take you there, he's asking for you,” he said.

“Right, thank you,” Sebastian said, and turned to Kurt. “I'll go up there and talk to him. You should... you know.”

“I'm going to see him,” Kurt said, “you can't take that away from me. I just... I need to at least see him.”

Sebastian hesitated, but then he nodded. “Let's go.”

When they entered the room, all Kurt could see was how small Blaine looked in that hospital bed. It might have been the light, but he was looking sickly pale, and so terribly exhausted. Without sparing Sebastian even a thought, Kurt went to Blaine and sat down at his bedside. Blaine looked in confusion from him to Sebastian, maybe expecting another scene. But Sebastian just stepped closer and watched them with an almost wistful xpression on his face. It didn't matter – he didn't matter, not now, and really, not ever.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked. “What did the doctor say?”

“They haven't found anything,” Blaine said, and now his eyes were focused on Kurt. “They took some blood, they did an LP, and I had a CT scan to make sure there's no bleeding, but they haven't found anything. They want me to stay here for a few days for observation, and to give me an MRI. They're...” He gulped and lowered his eyes. “They're looking for a tumor.”

“Why?” Sebastian asked. “You've been bleeding... that's not something brain tumors do, right?”

Blaine shrugged. “I don't know. But I told them I have memory gaps, and then there's all that other stuff, how I'm always exhausted, and the headaches, and the weight loss, and the night terrors... It could be one, apparently. Oh, and if they don't see anything on the MRI they want a psychiatric consult. You know, in case I'm just losing my mind.”

“You're not,” Kurt said, “you... you're going to be alright, Blaine, okay? You just... you are.”

“I'm trying,” Blaine said, but Kurt could tell that he wasn't convinced. There was a tremor in his voice and his eyes gleamed a bit too much. “I'm freaking out, actually,” Blaine admitted, “it's... I don't know what's happening.”

“You _will_ be okay,” Sebastian said. Kurt couldn't stand the sound of his voice. He took a deep breath, tried to be calm for Blaine's sake and then turned around.

“Sebastian? Would you give us a moment?” he asked.

Blaine's eyes widened and he shot a quick look to Sebastian.

“I... Fine,” Sebastian said, “take your time. I'll be outside.” To his credit, he didn't protest at all but just left the room after one last, serious look to Kurt – as if he needed a reminder to be careful about what he said.

As the door closed, he relaxed a bit, and held Blaine's hand in his, softly stroking over the skin. Blaine blinked, a frown on his face.

“What's going on with you two?” he asked.

Kurt shook his head. “I don't want to talk about him,” he said, “we hate each other, but that doesn't matter right now. The important thing is that you get better,” Kurt said.

Blaine was still unconvinced, but he relaxed and intertwined their fingers.

“I'm really scared,” he said. His voice was soft and still trembling.

“I know,” Kurt said. He had enough problems keeping his own voice steady. Sighing, he raised his free hand to touch Blaine's cheek, and for a few moments just looked at him, trying to memorize every detail.

“Kurt?” Blaine was even more confused now.

“You are... so important to me, Blaine,” Kurt said. As he blinked, he realized that he was close to tears. He had promised, such a long time ago, not to say goodbye, but now he realized he was in the middle of doing just that. Well... for now. Not forever. Isabelle had to know a way. He wouldn't give up on Blaine, he would never give up on him – but right now, he needed to take a step back. He took a shuddering breath before he could continue. “I care about you so much, and there's nothing more important right now than you getting better. But I... I can't be here for it.”

“What?” Blaine frowned. “What are you saying, Kurt?”

Kurt blinked his tears away, praying that Blaine wouldn't notice. “You need to get well, Blaine, and I'm... I'm not what you need right now. I'm so sorry, but... I can't. I have to go.”

“What? No!” Blaine shook his head, his eyes wide and fearful now. “Why are you doing this? Is it something Sebastian said? What did he tell you?”

“Nothing,”Kurt said, “this is just... it's for the best.”

“But... I don't understand,” he said. “Why are you... what have I done?”

“Nothing! No, don't even think that!” Kurt said, but he could see that Blaine had already come to a different conclusion.

“You told me it's okay,” Blaine said, “you said I should take time to figure things out, and you said you would _wait_... What happened to that?”

“I'm sorry, I can't,” Kurt repeated.

“Don't do this to me, Kurt,” Blaine said, “not now, please. I need you!”

Kurt exhaled and finally managed to tear his eyes from Blaine's face. “You don't. You'll be better off without me right now. I'm sorry.” He leant forward. It wasn't a goodbye, he tried to tell himself, just for now. Just until he found a way to break the curse. Only for now – it wasn't helpful. He pressed a single, ardent kiss onto Blaine's forehead, memorizing everything, the feel, the smell of his hair, but mostly, the way Blaine was trembling under his hands.

“Kurt, please...”

“I have to go,” Kurt said. “Please, just... get better.” When he turned away, he could hear a sob. But he couldn't look back, not right now, and not even because he couldn't keep his own tears from falling anymore, but because he knew if he did, he wouldn't find the strength to leave.

Sebastian was standing outside. He took a look at Kurt, but didn't comment,.

“This isn't over,” Kurt said.

“I know,” Sebastian said, “and for what it's worth... that's a really brave thing you're doing for him.”

Kurt turned around, focusing on Sebastian's genuine expression.

“Go to hell.”

* * *

“There has to be something I can do!”

Kurt could feel Isabelle's pitying look as he paced through her office. The books were still open, but he knew they wouldn't be helpful. They had gone through it all, but they hadn't found anything useful.

Isabelle sighed. “Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry this is happening to you,” she said.

“But you think he's right? You think I have to stay away from Blaine?”

Isabelle looked as if she was pondering the question. “Well... for now, it might be a good idea. From what you told me, Blaine is never going to fall completely in love with Sebastian while you are around. On the other hand, he's very unlikely to do so even if you stay away.”

“I can't let him die,” Kurt said, “there _has_ to be another way, Isabelle.”

“The curse can still be broken,” Isabelle said, “but I don't know how. The one person who definitely knows, is the fairy who cast it.”

“So I have to find her,” Kurt said. “I'll find her, and then I'll make her tell me.”

“Sweetie, we're talking about a fairy godmother. She is insanely powerful. It's way too dangerous for you to deal with her alone,” Isabelle said.

“I have you, don't I?” It was supposed to come out humorous, but to his own ears it sounded pleading.

She sighed. “A wingless fairy... I'm not sure what kind of help I'll be. But you're right, of course – we have to find her now.”

“Then why haven't we done this ages ago? Why did you suggest I try luring him away from Sebastian? Why didn't we go for breaking it immediately?”

“I didn't know the curse was drawing its energy from Blaine!” Isabelle said. “Usually, the person who wants the spell cast has to anchor himself onto the curse. And if that had been the case, our strategy would have been good. You could have won your boy over the old-fashioned way and got him away from that horrible boy. Eventually we would have figured something out to end the curse, or maybe just let it run its course. But this? This is different. I didn't know we were putting Blaine in danger, Kurt. I would have suggested a completely different strategy if I'd known. Maybe I would have suggested to help stabilize the curse and then try to win him back afterwards... not ideal, but it wouldn't have been less dangerous...”

“So what you're saying is that by trying to get him away from Sebastian I might have killed him?”

At his shocked tone, her face got softer. “No, no, please don't think that, this is not your fault, you've been trying to help him. All this is clearly Sebastian's fault. But that doesn't help us right now, we have to figure something out. It's so rare, though, to have the curse coupled onto somebody else, there are only a handful of even fairy godmothers who could do that...”

And suddenly, Kurt remembered something. “Like Nerida?”

“Exactly, although that's already going quite high on the totem pole, and... wait, how do you know that name?”

“Sebastian mentioned it,” Kurt said, “so... that's her? You know her?”

Isabelle now looked really uncomfortable. “We may have run into each other,” she said, “she took my wings.”

“Oh. I'm... sorry?”

“It's fine,” Isabelle said, “it was a long time ago. I wouldn't have thought about her, though. What did you say his name was?”

“Sebastian Smythe,” Kurt said.

“Well... the last thing I heard about Nerida is that she's bound to the LaCroix family... but that could have changed if she went with a daughter one time. You see, a fairy godmother always has to choose one of the children of a family to follow. But yes, that doesn't matter right now. You said he's from Ohio, this Sebastian?”

“I think that's where his family is,” Kurt said.

“Well, obviously we can't play the long game,” Isabelle said, a new determination in her eyes, “and from the way you describe it, I don't think your boy is going to have a lot of time left. If we want to save him, we have to go to Ohio and find Nerida.”

“Will she help us?” Kurt asked.

All the determination disappeared from Isabelle's face. “Well... I don't know, to be honest with you. She and I don't exactly get along that well... but it is the only chance we have. So... Ohio it is.”

Kurt sighed. “Ohio it is,” he repeated. He would have to figure something out that he'd tell NYADA or at the diner, probably something for the girls as well... and his family... It would be complicated, but it was a chance. It was definitely better than just leaving Blaine with Sebastian. And “hardly a plan” was still an improvement over “no plan”.

He thought back to Blaine, how scared he'd looked in that hospital room, how desperate he'd been when Kurt had told him he was leaving...

No. He would not let Blaine die. And he also wouldn't let Sebastian get away with this.

“Ohio it is.”


	15. ...Are Finally Ending In A Blaze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, the final chapter. Well there's an epilogue about to come, but that's mostly wrapping up loose ends and aftermath.  
> So, now that we're here, let me take a moment to thank all of you for reading. I 've had fun writing it (with some frustration by the side XD), and I hope you enjoyed reading it, too.
> 
> And now, since once more I can't think of anything to say, on to the chapter!

* * *

Blaine couldn't stand hospitals. He had spent enough times in them to know that already. Of course, he had never been this afraid before. After Sadie Hawkins, he had stayed there in order to recover. Now he was waiting for examinations and results, only the continuing throbbing headache for company, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with what was to come.

Sebastian had shown up before visiting hours had even begun, but Blaine had managed to send him off to school. He would have preferred not to be alone, sure, but he couldn't keep Sebastian here in good conscience. What he really wanted was Kurt to come back and to stay. It wasn't fair to Sebastian, who was so concerned, almost desperate even. But Blaine couldn't help it, he couldn't stop thinking about Kurt.

Maybe this was a reaction to Kurt leaving. Did Blaine just want him here now because he couldn't have him? He wasn't really that shallow, was he? But he had wanted Kurt there before, he had wanted him to tell the truth about what was going on, and now he wanted Kurt to be there while he waited for his results. But Kurt had left, and he kept wondering just what had happened – what could have happened that had Kurt change from worried and tender earlier that day to suddenly deciding that he couldn't be around Blaine anymore? At first, Blaine had assumed that Kurt had gotten sick of waiting, but now he wasn't so sure. Why would Kurt decide this right now, when Blaine needed him the most? Had he maybe decided at that point that he wasn't going to interfere with a relationship? Was he trying to minimize a conflict so Blaine could focus on getting better? But then why would he just abandon him like this? The more Blaine thought about it, the more confused he got.

In a way Blaine had expected Kurt to leave. After all, everybody did. Everybody except Sebastian. He had wondered what he would do to drive Kurt away. Now he'd probably never find out. But then again, he hadn't found out what had driven his parents away, or his friends at Dalton, or Cooper...

He had really thought he'd turned his life around... he had found friends, even a very close one, he had improved at school, he had started to build a life outside of his relationship... but it had all been an illusion. He still didn't have his family, his new friends were really Kurt's friends, and Kurt? Yeah, he had messed that up, too.

He should have cleared things up earlier. He had been leading Kurt on for way too long – first by not mentioning Sebastian, then by keeping Kurt close against his boyfriend's wishes, sleeping with him, of course, and then still not deciding what he wanted... It wouldn't be such a surprise if Kurt didn't want to wait around, just in case Blaine would finally make up his mind.

Except he'd promised.

He'd said he would be there, no matter what Blaine decided, that they'd be friends at least... and now he was leaving, just when Blaine needed him the most.

Blaine couldn't help it, he took his phone and selected Kurt's number again. He had tried calling about a dozen times since yesterday. He knew what he would hear, could by now tell exactly how many rings he had to wait for the mailbox to answer, could predict every tilt in Kurt's message, and by the end of it he wanted to throw his phone against the wall.

As he looked up, he was glad he hadn't, though, or else the girl standing in the door might have some complaints for him.

Surprised, Blaine sat up. “Rachel?”

She looked tired, and as if she'd been crying. Blaine felt all blood leave his face. If she looked like that... and his calls weren't answered... oh god, what if something had happened to Kurt?

“Rachel, what happened?” he asked, trying not to sound as panicked as he felt.

“You tell me, you're the one in the hospital,” Rachel said, obviously trying to sound more cheerful than she felt. “I brought you some tea, it's wonderful for the voice.”

“Thank you, Rachel,” Blaine said, hesitation in his voice, “although I'm not exactly here because of my voice.”

“I know, Kurt told me you were sick,” Rachel said, “well, among other things... and I really need to talk to you.”

“Is he okay?”

Rachel sighed. “It's... hard to tell,” she said.

“But nothing happened to him, right?”

At that, she shook her head. “Well, except for you,” she said, “but no, nothing happened to him.”

Blaine sank back into his pillows, relief flooding him. Kurt was fine.

Rachel sat down by his bedside. She still looked very serious as she turned to him.

“We need to talk about Kurt.”

He should have expected this – after all, he remembered that he had promised her not to lead him on, and he hadn't exactly done a stellar job at keeping that promise. He nodded at Rachel to continue.

“I know this isn't exactly easy for you. You obviously have a lot of issues in your relationship as well as a lot of pressure on you with school, and I understand that you're confused about your situation with Kurt. And don't pretend you just see him as a friend. It's obvious that you care about him more than that.”

“I do care about him,” Blaine said, “so much. But I also have a boyfriend that I love... and I still haven't figured things out, Rachel. Kurt is... I told him I don't know what I'm doing, or what I want, and he said it's okay, and that he'd wait for me to figure it out, and I was trying, and...” He sighed. “Does it even matter now? He already told me he can't be around me anymore.”

“I don't think that's true,” Rachel said, “not really. I know he made that decision, but he's miserable with it.“

“I don't want him to be miserable,” Blaine said, “I want him to be _here_.” He was aware that he sounded like a petulant child now, but he couldn't help it.

Rachel raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on his tone. “I think being here is what made him miserable,” she said. “This is hard for him, too. And honestly, I'm not sure what you're so torn about, because let me tell you, that relationship you're having with Sebastian is extremely unhealthy, and you could by all means do a lot better.”

He had to admit that she had a point, somewhere buried in that run-on sentence. The truth was that he hadn't felt close to Sebastian in a long time. He remembered what Kurt had said, about how feelings could change over time... And at least Kurt had tried to be honest with him. If only he could remember what about...

“It's hard to see somebody you care about let themselves be treated badly,” Rachel continued, “and that's what it's like for Kurt. It's also hard for him because...” She hesitated, as if she wasn't sure she was allowed to say the next thing, but eventually she spoke. “Kurt loves you.”

“I love him too, but it's not that easy,” Blaine said – and froze.

Rachel too stared at him out of wide eyes. “What did you just say?”

Blaine gulped, but there was no doubt about the words he'd just said. “I... love him?” he said, testing the words again. “Oh my god...” He looked up at Rachel, as it finally dawned on him. “Rachel, I _love_ him!”

The sound escaping her was impressively high-pitched, and a second later she was hugging him. Though it sent another spike of pain through his head, he hugged her back loosely while the thought still settled in his brain. It felt as if his skin was buzzing. He had known he had some sort of feelings for Kurt, but love... it was like finally getting the last piece of a puzzle, the missing link that explained everything else. Of course it was love. Now that he'd named it, he couldn't understand how he hadn't seen it before.

Rachel stepped back and actually twirled in the room. “You two will be so wonderful together,” she said, “I'm so happy for you!”

“Whoa, slow down there,” Blaine said, although there wasn't much conviction behind his words, “it's still not that easy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let's see, I'm still in a relationship with someone else,” Blaine said, “and Kurt doesn't want to see me anymore. And the possible brain tumor, that's also there.”

“But you love Kurt,” Rachel said, “don't you want to be with him?”

“I...” Blaine hesitated. He could so easily imagine it, what it would be like to have a future with Kurt, to walk down the streets together, steal kisses between classes, hold each other when things got tough... to see Kurt's smile everyday, and to be able to think of that wonderful boy as his boyfriend... to feel warm, and loved and... happy...

“Do you?” Rachel asked.

The yes was at the tip of his tongue, but what he said was, “I don't know, Rachel.” He yearned to say yes, but... Everything about it was scary. Even if he wanted to be with Kurt, there were lots of other issues that would come with that. There was breaking up with Sebastian after two years – a thought that wasn't as scary as it had been only a few weeks ago, but it still was unsettling. He'd have to find a place to live, too. And then he didn't know how to get Kurt to talk to him. Also, he'd really like Kurt's input on all of it before making a final decision... which wasn't fair, either, because in the end it was something Blaine had to decide himself. But how was he supposed to make this choice?

“I need more time, Rachel,” he said eventually. And wasn't that what he always said, that he needed more time, by which he really meant that he was too scared to make a decision? Why couldn't he just get his act together?

“Well, you don't have any more time, Blaine!” Finally, Rachel seemed to have run out of patience. “Kurt is leaving.”

“What?” Blaine sat up straight in his bed. “Where? Why?!”

“To Ohio, and why do you _think_?”

Blaine felt as if the ground underneath him just disappeared. This wasn't supposed to happen. “But... all his life is here in New York,” he protested.

“Don't you think I haven't told him that? But he's made his decision and when it comes to those, he's really stubborn,” Rachel said. “Look, I can see that you have issues, and I can respect your conflict, but you have to know what you want, and you have to know it right now. Because Kurt is going to Ohio, and who knows how long he's going to stay there? If you don't know right now if you want to be with him, then that is a decision, too. But if you want to be with him...”

“Then what?”

“Then get your ass out of bed, to the train station and tell him that you love him. But you have to choose – now.”

Put like that, suddenly there was nothing simpler in the world.

“Let's go.”

* * *

By the time they arrived at the station, Blaine wasn't completely sure anymore it had been the best idea to leave the hospital. The nurses probably would have had some protests over that anyway, but Rachel had distracted them long enough for him to sneak out. But now, following her through the crowds of New York, he could feel that he really wasn't alright. He felt weak, almost dizzy. When he looked at his hands for a moment they seemed to be shaking, and his head felt as if there was a jackhammer inside.

But it didn't matter, not when he saw Kurt at the far end of the platform, staring into nothing. Nothing mattered in that moment, and it only encouraged Blaine in his decision.

Rachel was walking in front of him now, already waving and calling for Kurt, and only then did Blaine notice that he had stopped. He closed his eyes for a few long, deliberate breaths, before he opened them and followed after her. He could see the sad little smile on Kurt's face as he recognized Rachel. He hadn't seen Blaine yet, apparently.

Rachel reached up to hug Kurt, then she stepped back and smiled at him, excitement shining through her eyes. “I guess I'll let you talk for a moment,” she said.

Kurt frowned. “What do you...” He looked up before he finished the sentence, and Blaine stepped right into his line of sight. Kurt's eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. “Blaine,” he whispered.

It didn't even register how Rachel stepped back and then walked away to give them some privacy. It didn't matter, either. Blaine stepped forward. This was scary too, but in spite of that he felt calmer than he had in a long time.

“Kurt,” he said, “Rachel told me you were leaving, and I just...I had to see you. I know you said you didn't want to talk to me, but this is important.”

Kurt stared at him as if in shock. When he spoke, his voice sounded higher than usual and almost breathless. “What are you doing here? You should be in the hospital!”

Blaine shook his head. “I'll get the tests done some other time,” he said, “this is more important.”

But Kurt wasn't having it. “I'm not talking about the tests, you look like you'll collapse any second!”

“I'm fine,” Blaine said, “and that's not why I'm here.” This was already not going quite the way he had hoped it would. He had hoped that Kurt would be at least a little happy to see him. Instead, Kurt was shaking his head now, and looked at him as if he was... scared. As if this was not what should be happening. It wasn't encouraging, but maybe that was the point – maybe he needed to risk something for once, just go with something that he knew was right even though it wasn't the safe choice. “Rachel told me that you were leaving,” Blaine repeated, “and it made me realize something.”

“No, Blaine, please don't,” Kurt muttered, “not now. We'll talk when I'm back from Ohio, I promise, but not now, please.”

“When's that going to be?” Blaine asked.

“I don't know yet, but we can't-”

“No. We can, and we have to, Kurt,” Blaine said, his voice filled with a determination he didn't know he had, “because if we don't you're going to leave, and it will be my fault. I can't live with that.”

“Yes, Blaine, you can!” There was something very similar to despair in Kurt's voice. “You'll live with it, and I swear I will be back so we can figure everything out, but right now I have to leave.”

“Why?”

“Because...” Kurt stopped, and for a moment Blaine worried he had pushed too far. “It's for your own good, Blaine,” Kurt continued eventually, and his voice sounded pleading now, “because I'm not what you need right now. I'm not... not good for you, not at the moment.”

“You're the one good thing in my life, Kurt,” Blaine said. A weird feeling of calm was settling inside him. The situation was still hectic, but right now he knew who he was, what he wanted... what he needed. “Actually, you're the only thing in my life that feels right. And I'm sorry for how I've acted these past few weeks. I knew there was something between us, and then I tried to deny it. I always kept you waiting, just because I couldn't make up my mind... because I was too afraid to make changes in my life. I kept telling you that I couldn't choose, or that I needed more time, but I think the truth is that I didn't want to choose, because I was too scared of what would happen if I did. But you see – I'm not scared anymore. Not when I realized that the one thing I couldn't bear was to lose you. I just... I can't. I'm in love with you, Kurt, and I'm so, _so_ sorry that it took me this long to realize it. I want to be with you – if you'll still have me.”

Kurt looked... well, conflicted. While Blaine had talked, he'd kept a close eye on Kurt's face, at the happiness that had appeared, a look that Blaine just dared to hope was love... but still the same despair that had taken hold of him before.

“Blaine, I...” He stopped trying to collect himself, but still had to start a few times until he found his voice again. “What about him?”

Blaine lowered his head. “I'm... I'm leaving him,” he said. “Remember when you asked me why I keep saying that I _know_ I love him? You were right. What I feel for Sebastian? That's more what I know, not how I feel. It's like I know the fact that the highest mountain is the Mount Everest. I've never been there, I haven't seen it... I just know it. But with you? It's like actually standing on top of the world. I don't need to know it, I _do._ I love you, Kurt.”

Kurt looked as if he was close to tears, and his shoulders sagged as if in defeat. His voice barely rose above a whisper. “I love you, too.”

Blaine gasped. He had expected it, but it was different to actually hear it, to have it confirmed as true. Now really everything was in place. He could feel a completely stupid grin forming on his face. He put a hand on Kurt's cheek and stroked it softly.

“I love you,” Kurt repeated, “but I _can't_ be with you. Not now, and I'm so sorry, but-”

“You love me,” Blaine said, ignoring the rest. “And I love you.”

Kurt opened his mouth, maybe for another protest, but he didn't get to utter a word. Blaine leaned upwards and just brought their lips together.

Kissing Kurt had always felt more amazing than any kiss Blaine could remember. Everything with Kurt had felt incredibly intense, really. But this kiss, now that he knew it was love... it was perfect. Kurt opened up under his lips, let him in and welcomed him. There was a noise, almost a moan, out of his throat, as he moved his lips against Kurt's and let his arms wander around him to hold him close. Kurt returned the embrace, pulled him close, as if he wanted to mold them together. It was the most amazing feeling, as if he was walking on air, as if the ground didn't exist. He felt even more light-headed now, everything was... surreal, but wonderful.

Except... now he really couldn't feel the ground under his feet. And he shouldn't feel _this_ light-headed. This was more dizzy than light-headed. Kurt's arms were all that kept him from falling now.

And then... they weren't.

* * *

Nerida was sitting at her spinning wheel, making it turn too fast for any human eye to follow, when she felt the first gush of wind. Her eyebrows rose, and for the first time in centuries, she felt surprised. But that wasn't the only unfamiliar feeling. She could taste a storm coming in the air, and she knew she should be able to recognize the phenomenon. But it had never happened to her.

She still knew, what it was.

The spinning wheel stopped. The storm was coming, and if she wanted to fulfill her duty she would have to hurry.

* * *

It felt so perfect, Kurt could have cried. There was Blaine, back where he belonged, warm and solid in his arms, and kissing him.

Blaine loved him. Despite the curse, and all those false memories ideas and memories in his head, Blaine loved him. It didn't change that they couldn't be together for now, and Kurt knew he had to catch a train, find a fairy godmother and raise all sorts of hell to find a way to save Blaine from the curse... but he could indulge one last time, couldn't he? If he had to leave, he'd take the kiss with him.

It felt ridiculously intense, and from the way Blaine was shuddering in his arms, Kurt had a feeling he wasn't the only one. But then, he realized something was off. Blaine's lips stopped moving against him, and his whole body seemed to grow heavier, as if he couldn't hold himself completely upright anymore.

With all his willpower Kurt managed to tear his lips away from Blaine. The other boy didn't follow, just looked at Kurt in confusion.

“Blaine?” Kurt whispered.

The only answer was a throaty sound, somewhere between a groan and a shout, then Blaine rolled his eyes up so far that for a moment Kurt could only see the white – and like a tree, he fell.

It was so fast that Kurt couldn't even think of catching him. Before Blaine hit the ground his body started thrashing. There was a scream, and Kurt wasn't sure whether it had come from him or someone else. Before him, Blaine was on the ground, seizing, hitting his head with every new convulsion. There was froth around his mouth, slowly turning red, and his eyes were wide open.

Kurt fell to his knees. He tried to hold Blaine's body still, but the force of his movements was too strong. He could do nothing, only call for help.

And then, after what felt like hours, Blaine's body stopped moving completely.

* * *

Sebastian's mind wasn't on the lecture. His thoughts were running in circles, always drawn back to Blaine. He was scared and alone, waiting at the hospital, and Sebastian knew that it was his fault. Blaine was even more desperate, and as much as Sebastian hated to admit it, he knew that it was because Kurt had left. That too, had been a selfish decision on his own part, and he should feel guilty about it.

He wouldn't have admitted it to Kurt, but Sebastian knew that it was over. They couldn't break the spell, and he knew Blaine wouldn't fall in love with him anytime soon – definitely not soon enough to stabilize it. Blaine was dying, and there was nothing he could do about it. Was it terribly selfish to send Kurt away, just so he could spent that last time alone with Blaine?

It probably was, but if he was asked again, he would make the same choice. And who knew? Maybe it would even work?

There was a murmur going through the room. Sebastian frowned. He hadn't been paying attention, but it was unusual behavior for his fellow students. The murmur got louder, and suddenly, Sebastian realized that it wasn't voices he heard. It sounded more like leaves rustling in the wind. The louder it got, the more it sounded like a storm. But none of the other students or the professor seemed to even notice.

Fear spread through Sebastian. Something was wrong... and it felt as if it was coming for him.

Just when he had come to that realization, an unseen force pulled him out of his chair and threw him to the ground. A scream was ripped from his throat as his arms flailed. There was a commotion around him. Now, the other students had noticed. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was the figure appearing in his vision, her bright blue eyes a calm influence he recognized from his childhood.

He wanted to call out to Nerida, to have her explain what was going on with him, but she shook her head, and then the world turned dark.

* * *

Kurt wasn't even sure how he had made it to the emergency room. Everything seemed to be a blur in his mind, the only thing that he could think of was how Blaine had looked on the ground, thrashing, bleeding... He had vague memories of the ride in the ambulance, Rachel must have somehow talked the EMTs to let him come along. It didn't even matter. He wasn't sure if anything would ever matter again.

What if Blaine was actually dying? Because if he was... then Kurt would have _killed_ him. With one kiss, one stupid kiss that he just couldn't resist... He _knew_ that Blaine was in danger, that until he found a way to actually break the curse the only thing that could save him was if he actually fell in love with Sebastian. How exactly was Kurt helping with that by admitting that he loved Blaine? Why on earth couldn't he have lied, or just kept his mouth shut?

Rachel was sitting beside him, clutching his hands so tight that it was painful, but at least it anchored Kurt in the present. She was talking too, comforting words that eventually meant nothing. He almost wanted to yell at her to stop it, that he didn't deserve comfort, but he held back. Rachel didn't know what was going on. She had only seen Blaine collapse and seize, and probably the kiss, but she didn't know about the curse. She couldn't understand that this was Kurt's fault.

“He's going to be okay,” Rachel said softly.

“You don't know that,” Kurt replied. “I can't believe I did this to him...”

“What are you talking about? You didn't do anything. He just... I don't know why this happened, but how could this possibly be your fault?”

He shook his head. The story was too strange, and now wasn't the time. He couldn't even concentrate long enough. Every time his eyes closed, he saw Blaine again, on the floor, thrashing around violently, and... god, he couldn't.

“How long does this even take?” he asked.

“Look, I know you're scared,” Rachel said, “but please calm down. You heard the EMT, right? It's probably nothing, it's just a seizure – a lot of people have those, they're not even that dangerous!”

Kurt actually had heard that part, but hadn't focused on it. “What about the part where he should have woken up right after?”

Rachel obviously didn't have an answer to that.

“How long have we been here?” Kurt asked. It felt like it had been hours. The kiss seemed to him as if it had happened on another day...

“Almost an hour,” Rachel said checking the watch. “Look, Kurt, please calm down, you're not helping him by driving yourself insane, and you did _not_ cause this.”

“But I-”

“Mr. Hummel?”

Kurt looked up to find a doctor standing in front of him. He rose to his feet without even realizing it. His heart seemed to stop for a moment and he felt shivers running through his body. This was it. Now he would find out – and suddenly, he wished he could stay in this state of not knowing forever. He'd rather never know than hear that Blaine... that he...

“Is he okay?” Rachel asked in his place when Kurt only managed to stare without saying a word.

The doctor looked almost bored at first, but now she looked from Rachel to Kurt and took in their panicked state. Her demeanor changed completely.

“There is no reason for you to worry,” she said with a softer tone in her voice now, “your fiancé suffered an epileptic seizure. He's fine now.”

“Fine?” Kurt repeated. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was he getting another chance after all?

“I know that seizures like that can seem quite dramatic and unsettling, but you don't have to worry. They're not especially harmful. We were only worried because he didn't wake up immediately after the attack, so we gave him a brain scan – that I believe he was scheduled for anyway before he decided to leave the hospital without notifying anybody. Anyway, we found no lesions, no bleeding, no tumor. His brain is alright.”

“So... he's okay?” Kurt said. “He's... awake now?”

The doctor nodded. “Though I should warn you. He woke up at the end of the MRI and suffered a panic attack inside the machine. We had to sedate him, but he's awake, and he's asking for you.” She smiled at him encouragingly.

A sound came from him that was close to a sob, and he sank into himself. Blaine was okay, it wasn't too late, he was fine... He was alive, and awake, and...

Rachel hugged him tightly. He felt tears rolling down his face, now that the fear and tension finally dissolved.

The doctor looked at him warmly. “If you'll come with me?” she said. “Your fiancé's waiting.”

Another shock went through Kurt. He couldn't see Blaine. He had just almost killed him, if he saw him now he'd just make it even worse. He had to leave, to go to Ohio and fix this and...

Had she said...?

“Fiancé,” he muttered. After all this time even the word felt unfamiliar on his tongue.

“Yes, your fiancé,” Rachel said beside him. “What are you waiting for? Go!”

Kurt stared at her. “What?” he said.

“Blaine!” Rachel said, the warmth now replaced by impatience. “Your fiancé, remember? The one you were just going insane about?”

Kurt blinked. Of course he knew... but since when did Rachel? Since when did anyone? What was going on now? The curse had altered everybody's memories, they couldn't know.

Unless there was no curse anymore – unless the curse was broken. But how?

Both Rachel and the doctor looked at him impatiently. He'd figure it out later.

“Where is he?”

* * *

Once more, he found Blaine lying in a hospital bed. His eyes were closed, but he was clearly breathing. There was a monitor near him, and though it was silent Kurt could see that the heart beat was calm and regular.

“Blaine?” he asked. His voice was breaking. He stepped into the room, closer to Blaine's bed and eventually took his hand. “Blaine?” he repeated louder.

And then, Blaine's eyelids fluttered open. He blinked a few times, before he looked up. “Kurt?” he whispered. His eyes widened, and he started to sit up. Immediately, Kurt surged forward to stabilize him. With a sigh, Blaine sank into his arms. “You're here,” he muttered. “You're actually here.”

“Of course I'm here,” Kurt said, “are you okay? How do you feel?”

Blaine shook his head. “I don't know. Tired, mostly. And kind of numb, but I think that's the drugs. I just...” He pushed Kurt away enough to look into his eyes. “What was that?” he asked. “One moment we're kissing, and then I wake up in that machine? And it's like there's a waterfall of memories crashing into my brain, and I don't... It doesn't make sense, nothing does, it's... did I live with _Sebastian_ ? And then I met you... again? But I didn't remember, and it's all... I don't understand. None of it makes sense, I just... what has happened? I can't... I don't... Kurt, _please_...”

As he spoke, he was getting slightly worked up again – and that was with the numbing effect from the drugs. To have all these impressions crash onto him after he just woke up... god, no wonder Blaine had suffered a panic attack. And it looked, like he was well on his way to the next one. That wouldn't do. Kurt pulled him close again and started talking softly into his ear to calm him down. “It's okay, Blaine, it's over, it's all over now, you're going to be alright.”

“I just don't understand,” Blaine said, his voice shaky. “Kurt, just tell me what happened.”

Kurt nodded. “Alright, I will,” she said. He pulled back and put his hands onto Blaine's. “But when it's too much, you tell me, okay? I just... I don't want to overwhelm you.”

Blaine laughed softly. “I'm beyond overwhelmed, Kurt,” he said. “Just... tell me.”

And so, Kurt started talking. He started from the beginning, or as far as he could guess the beginning was, with what Sebastian had done, what the curse had caused as far as he knew, over their second first meeting to the point when Kurt had found out thanks to Isabelle just what was going on. Blaine stayed surprisingly calm during the whole tale, although that might have been due to the drugs they'd given him. Even when Kurt started on how dangerous things had become to him, he didn't seem afraid. He kept completely calm without interruption, until Kurt arrived at the point where he had decided to go to Ohio to find Nerida. At that point, a flash of hurt appeared on Blaine's face.

“You were going to leave me with him?” he asked.

“No! That was the last thing I wanted,” Kurt said, “but don't you see, I thought I was _killing_ you, Blaine. I was just trying to find a way to get you out of this alive.”

Blaine nodded. “I... sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that. And you did save me. But... how?”

Kurt frowned. “I'm not sure,” he admitted. He thought back on everything he knew about the curse, everything Isabelle had told him and...

“The kiss,” Blaine said. “Just like Isabelle said, right? True love's kiss breaks the curse.”

Kurt's eyes widened. After that first failed attempt he hadn't even thought about trying it again. Could he have stopped this weeks ago? But they had kissed that night after thanksgiving...

“I should have kissed you before,” Kurt said.

Blaine shook his head. “I... I don't think it would have worked before. I'm so sorry, I was just... I was scared. And conflicted. I just realized what you mean to me when I thought I'd lose you.” He looked up now and there was so much pain in his eyes. “I'm sorry,” he said, “I am _so_ sorry you were put through all this. I do love you, Kurt, I love you so much, and all this... I'm _sorry_.”

“What? No! This isn't your fault,” Kurt said and squeezed Blaine's hands in his, “this is Sebastian's fault. He did this to you. And we still found each other again, in spite of everything he did. Let's just focus on that – that we still found our way back to each other.”

Blaine looked into his eyes as if he was searching for something. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it. He nodded, and the tension started to fade.

“Thank you for not giving up on me,” he said.

“Never,” Kurt said. The tears he was blinking away now weren't from fear or sadness anymore, but he was overflowing with relief. It was over. He could hardly believe it, that they had finally gotten it right, that Blaine was _safe_ , and still alive, and...

“Are you okay?”

Blaine hesitated. “I don't know. I'm relieved, but I'm also still freaked out,” he said, “it's just a lot to take in. I still can't believe this all really happened. It feels more like a nightmare.”

Kurt pulled him closer. “I know. But it's over now, Blaine, and we did it.”

Blaine didn't answer, just hid his face against Kurt's shoulder.

“Maybe we should talk to Isabelle. Just, maybe it will help you deal with what happened?”

“Maybe...” Blaine said. “Can you just stay with me, right now? I think I need you here.”

“You've got me,” Kurt whispered. Careful not to disturb any wires, he climbed into the bed beside Blaine and pulled him back into an embrace. With a relieved sigh, Blaine cuddled against him and held him impossibly close.

“And...” Blaine continued, “kiss me again?”

“Promise you won't have a seizure?”

Blaine blinked in confusion, and for a moment Kurt feared he had misjudged the situation, but then Blaine started laughing, loud and free, and maybe it would have turned hysterical without the drugs, but he calmed down eventually.

“Just come here,” he said and pulled Kurt in.

Kurt went willingly, and kissed him, pouring everything he felt into it. It was over, they were free and could be together again, and Blaine was _safe_.

Finally, everything was back where it belonged.


	16. Epilogue - Where Do We Go From Here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the epilogue and end of the story. Including the time spent planning it, this story has kept me busy for several months now, which is definitely longer than any story has in a while. I'd like to thank everybody, again, for reading, and I hope you had some fun with this fic.   
> Let's finish it, okay?

* * *

_Blaine was walking through the kitchen at his parents' house._ _He wasn't quite sure what he was doing here, but it didn't bother him._ _He could hear his mother's voice, talking on the phone, he could feel the taste of coffee on his tongue._ _Now that he thought about it,_ _it all seemed strangely muted. The colors weren't right, everything felt cold_ _er than it should be, a bit fuzzy_ _. But it was fine, wasn't it? He didn't have to stay in here. He needed to get outside, because... Well, there was a reason, certainly. Calmly, without knowing why, Blaine left the house and stepped out onto the porch. A car was coming closer, and Blaine knew automatically that this was his destination. He stepped onto the stairs..._

_...and then, suddenly, there was no ground beneath his feet. He felt like falling, and his heart stopped. Panic clawed up inside him..._

And then, Blaine opened his eyes. It was a lot less dramatic than what he had gotten used to. There was no screaming, no panic, no disorientation. He just woke up abruptly, still lying in bed, his heart beat and breathing accelerated, and he was shaking. He closed his eyes again, clenched them shut, really, and tried to ban that feeling of falling. In the darkness, he reached out until he found Kurt's hand. He squeezed it softly, careful to not wake his fiancé. There was no reason to, really, he had only had a nightmare – not even a nightmare, just a weird dream. He got those a lot lately. But it was nothing, not compared to those terrors he had suffered before. He wouldn't go insane about this, he wouldn't worry, and he wouldn't shed another tear about any of this.

When his breathing had calmed down far enough, he sat up, never letting go of Kurt's hand. Blaine looked now, as far as the darkness allowed it, and just watched him sleep.

Kurt looked younger when he was sleeping, more vulnerable without any semblance of having his guard up. He was cleary fast asleep, maybe exhausted from earlier, and Blaine could feel the blood rush into his face at the thought. There was an expression of content and peace in his face. It was beautiful.

Then why did Blaine feel like crying?

It had been two months since Kurt had saved him, since that... thing had stopped, and he was free again. Waking up from the curse had probably been the scariest experience during all of the curse's run. He knew Kurt had been shocked by the seizure he had suffered once the curse had been broken, whereas all Blaine could remember from that was the kiss. But then he had woken up, confined in a metal tube, the hammering of the MRI machine thundering in his skull, and his mind had felt like he was trapped under a waterfall, two years of actual memories crashing back into his head, combined with the realization that something horrible had happened to him, something beyond his understanding, and...

He still shuddered at the memory. It had been overwhelming, and scary, and he had been ridiculously grateful when he had finally been hauled out of the machine and given medication. At least the drugs had calmed him down long enough until Kurt was with him again...

During the following days, the doctors had run every test they could think of, still trying to find out just what was wrong with him. But since the brain scans and blood tests had all been negative, they had eventually come to the conclusion that he suffered from an unusual form of epilepsy, that had only now presented itself as a generalized seizure. He had been prescribed anti-epileptic drugs, and although both he and Kurt were sure that without the curse he wouldn't have any further problems, they had agreed to play it safe and follow the instructions.

After a week, Blaine had been released from the hospital. Kurt had taken him back to the loft, where all his things were already waiting for him. He had finally come home.

He had been glad that he didn't need to go back to the apartment. He never wanted to go back there, and at the time he wouldn't have been able confront Sebastian. Now, he wasn't so sure anymore. At first, Blaine had been sure a confrontation would be inevitable. Sebastian wouldn't go through all that effort with the curse, and then just accept that he failed. But weeks went by and there had been no sign of him. Blaine still wasn't sure how to feel about that. A part of him never wanted to see Sebastian again. But stronger than that instinct, he wished he could have answers, maybe even closure. He wanted to know why.

Blaine sighed in frustration.

Two months... it wasn't that long, not compared to the time it had lasted. Even now, Blaine wasn't sure he really understood what had really happened. He knew, of course, what had happened, and how close he had come to dying – a thought that still scared him. But it was all too much. His memory felt like a puzzle that had been torn apart, the pieces scattered onto the floor. The time he had actually been under the curse was clear – much clearer than he wanted it to be at times. Then there were still those fake memories of two years that never happened, and sometimes Blaine needed to think a moment, until he realized which version of his memory was even real. It could get awkward, when he was talking with his friends, none of whom even remembered what had happened.

Except Kurt, of course. With a sigh, Blaine raised a hand to stroke through his fiancé's hair, and for a moment only focussed on him, on the soft breathing, the strong hand resting in his own. It was already enough to calm him down at least a bit. Kurt always managed to ground him, now more than ever. He had known before that Kurt loved him, but he couldn't have imagined that Kurt loved him so much, enough to deal with everything during these last few months, everything he'd gone through, everything Blaine himself had put him through... But through it all, Kurt had never given up on him, had fought for him and eventually saved him. Blaine knew that if it wasn't for Kurt, he wouldn't be alive by now. Kurt had fought through all this – while Blaine himself had just been sitting around in the metaphorical tower, waiting for the prince to slay the dragon, like the typical damsel in distress.

Just like a fairy tale.

Even now that it was all over, Kurt still had to take care of him. He could function well enough, usually, but there were still too many situations that threw him off – like when he talked about a memory only he had, or when anything reminded him of Sebastian. Then there were those random bouts of melancholy, that he couldn't really describe any better. Sometimes those thoughts just came out of nowhere. He couldn't seem to keep his mind off the curse, no matter how many weeks had passed since then. Isabelle Wright had insisted that he just had to be patient, that time would heal everything, but he couldn't believe her. She had even recommended a therapist to whom he could talk even about thei strange details of the curse. But he wasn't convinced.

Two months had passed. He should be feeling better by now. He should have made _some_ progress at least. Why did he still feel like such a mess? He should be fine by now, but instead he still felt as lost as he had when he had been released from the hospital. He just couldn't move on.

With a sigh, Blaine lay back down onto the mattress and cuddled into Kurt's side. He rested his head on his fiancé's chest and tried to let the strong heart beat lull him to sleep. An arm came up around him and pulled him closer. Even asleep, Kurt was taking care of him... and Blaine was grateful for it, he really was, he just wished he wouldn't need it so much – or that it could just be enough.

But it would be fine. It had to be. Somehow, he'd manage to get a grip on himself. He was alright. He had been saved, he was alive and at least the physical effects of the curse had faded – the psychological ones woulld follow, too. It was nothing. He wouldn't go insane about it, he wouldn't worry, and he wouldn't shed another tear about any of this. Or at least, in the morning he would never admit to it.

* * *

Coming home from the diner, all Kurt wanted was a nice hot shower, a bit of quiet and some time to think. As usual with the loft, it didn't quite work out, though for once not in an unpleasant way. The sound of a piano welcomed him even before he had entered the loft. He figured the girls had to be out, since Blaine hardly played when they were home.

Careful to be quiet, Kurt stepped into the loft. As he expected, there was no sign of anyone but Blaine who was sitting at the piano, softly playing a melody Kurt couldn't recognize. It wasn't a happy melody, but it sounded passionate, and alive. It was hauntingly beautiful. Kurt hoped it was a good sign. Music was at least one way in which Blaine could process what he was going through.

Kurt watched him, and it hurt him, too. He had thought it would be so easy. Back then, he hadn't really thought about how things would turn out when the curse was broken. He had imagined Blaine would be safe and recover quickly. What he had expected, was a fairy tale – true love's kiss, and then they lived happily ever after.

As it turned out, reality wasn't so easy.

He really should have seen that coming. After all, Blaine had spent months under that curse, continously trying to fight it while it drained his energy. There were fake memories, the pain of isolation, and even if you ignored all that there was the enormity of a curse that could rip him out of his life, without any chance to stop it from happening... Of course, it wouldn't just all disappear once the curse ended.

And it hadn't. Kurt knew that Blaine didn't sleep well, although the nightmares weren't nearly as bad as those night terrors under the curse. Sometimes, he woke up at night with Blaine gone, only to find him sitting somewhere in the loft, maybe on the window sill, or staring at the piano. Often enough, Blaine got a far-away look and it took some care to bring him back without spooking him.

As the music ended, Kurt approached and put an arm around him. Blaine looked up in surprise, and a smile appeared on his face.

“Hey,” he said and leaned against Kurt, never breaking eye contact, “I didn't hear you.”

“I noticed,” Kurt said. He sat down beside Blaine and pulled him into a half-embrace. “That was really powerful.”

“Hm,” Blaine hummed and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. “I'm getting good at the tortured art thing.”

Kurt wasn't sure how to respond, but judging from his tone Blaine wasn't bothered right now. He sighed and pulled Blaine even closer. For a moment, they just sat together. Blaine eventually raised a hand and let it wander over the piano keys in a simple melody. Kurt smiled and let his eyes fall close.

At least, Blaine wasn't shutting him out. Even when he got lost in his memories, he would accept, even welcome Kurt's touch and closeness, sometimes even reach out to him. It seemed to calm Blaine down, and Kurt was grateful that he could at least help a bit. But it was only temporary relief.

Kurt sighed, although he tried not to let his own frustration show. He reminded himself that two months was a short time. And even in that time, Blaine had made progress. He still got lost in his jumbled memories, but it had been much worse right after the curse had been broken. The nightmares still happened, but they were more unsettling than actually scaring. It would take time, and they had to be patient.

It was just hard to watch Blaine struggle, and even harder to see his frustration. He knew that Blaine was impatient, frustrated. What he focussed on was that he wasn't alright again, and over that he lost sight of how much better he had gotten already.

Kurt wished there was more that he could do. But “happily ever after” wasn't as easy as he had expected. That was the problem with fairy tales. They put their protagonists through horrible struggle, but never showed the aftermath. Would Snow White ever be able to talk with a stranger without suspecting another assassination attempt by the Queen? Was Little Red Riding Hood ever able to walk through the woods again without fear? And how did Sleeping Beauty ever find back to life in a world that had moved on a hundred years?

Fairy tales weren't helpful, and fairies couldn't do much either. Isabelle could only advise them to give it time and be patient. But it wasn't helping.

It was, of course, all Sebastian's fault, but knowing who was to blame didn't help the least. Kurt had seen the bastard only once since the curse had been broken, when he had gone to get Blaine's things from the apartment. Not for the first time, he wondered whether he should telll Blaine about it, whether it would be helpful to know that Sebastian wasn't getting away with what he did unpunished, or whether it would be best for Blaine not to think about him at all. He still hoped Blaine would ask and take the decision out of his hands. Maybe he'd risk it, if things didn't get better.

Blaine angled his head up. “Now where did you go?” he asked softly, a warm smile on his face.

Kurt blinked. Apparently he could get lost in thoughts just as well as his fiancé. “I'm right here,” he said, bringing their foreheads together.

“I'm glad you are,” Blaine said, and kissed him.

Kurt felt himself sigh into the kiss. He couldn't allow himself to forget that they had moments like this, too – moments when the curse and all its consequences were forgotten and didn't matter, times when it was just them and life was just life. There were good moments, even more than bad ones. He just hoped that one day it would be enough.

* * *

A week later, things hadn't improved much. Kurt could see that Blaine was growing more frustrated with every day. Maybe this impatience was keeping him from recovering, or maybe there was something else that kept him from moving on. Kurt couldn't figure it out, and this stupid fashion magazine he was going through for Isabelle wouldn't hold any answers either, no matter how hard he glared at it.

“Well, I don't think that poor model has done anything to deserve this.”

He looked up to find Isabelle standing at his desk. He was ready to apologize for being distracted, but she didn't give him a chance but continued to talk.

“So how is Blaine doing?”

Kurt sighed. “It's complicated. You've seen him, he's better... but not much, and I think it's really getting to him.”

“I can imagine...” Isabelle said. “And I wish we could do more to help him. But as I told you...”

“Only time,” Kurt said, “I know. It's just hard.”

For a moment he thought Isabelle would say something, but eventually she closed her mouth. They knew there was nothing she could say that she hadn't told him already.

“Has he thought about seeing Sarah yet?” Isabelle asked instead.

It took Kurt a moment to place the name. Isabelle had offered to get them in contact with a very discrete therapist, who she had dealt with in the past and who knew enough about fairies and magic to be helpful.

Kurt sighed. “He said he would, but I don't think he's convinced. I think it could help him, but he's already so frustrated... Even if he talked to her, I think he might get impatient and stop again before there were any results.”

Isabelle hummed. “I imagine that would complicate things. But maybe you can talk to him in a quiet moment.”

Kurt sighed. He knew that he would have to talk to Blaine about this sooner or later. But he didn't know where to start, much less what to say – or if he could actually say something helpful.

“I hope I'm not interrupting?”

They both looked up to the door, where Blaine had just entered. Kurt got up quickly and greeted him with a short kiss. He seemed relaxed, so Kurt assumed it had been a good day so far. Blaine kept an arm around him, as he turned to Isabelle to greet her as well.

“It's good to see you,” Isabelle said, “I was just wondering how you were doing.”

Blaine hesitated for a moment, maybe contemplating how honest his answer should be, but eventually he smiled, although not very convincingly. “I'm dealing”, he said non-committedly. “Mostly, I was hoping to take Kurt out for lunch.”

“Of course you can,” Isabelle said. “He's all yours. In fact, Kurt, why don't you take the day off? We have things covered here pretty well”

Kurt shot a quick look to Blaine, who seemed to light up at the offer.

“Thank you, I'll be back Thursday at the latest,” Kurt said to Isabelle.

“Don't worry about it,” she trilled.

“She's in a generous mood,” Blaine commented as they got into the elevator.

“You know how she gets,” Kurt said shrugging. “So how was NYADA today? Insane as usual?”

Blaine laughed. “Pretty much,” he said.

Kurt relaxed as he listened to his fiancé informing him about what madness Cassandra July had come up this time. He felt that this, too, was one of th better moments. He wouldn't tell Blaine, but he had started to try and count the good against the bad moments, although not obsessively. It might be stupid, but he hoped to find eventually that there were more good than bad ones.

Blaine had just finished talking when they stepped out off the building and onto the streets. Kurt was about to ask where they should go eat, when Blaine stopped right in his tracks. Kurt looked at him in confusion, then raised his eyes to the point in from of them Blaine was staring at.

There was a woman on the sidewalk. Kurt couldn't remember seeing her before. Her hair was black, streaked with silver and seemed to flow around her face like water, an impression helped by the tones of blue and sea green she was wearing. The look in her bright blue eyes was full of contempt. Kurt looked back at Blaine, hoping for an explanation. Blaine looked at her mistrustfully, frozen in place.

Eventually, the woman spoke.

“You don't look that special,” she said. Her eyes were fixed on Blaine, as if he was a puzzle she was trying to figure out. Kurt didn't like that look at all. On instinct, he stepped forward so he was standing half in front of Blaine. Only now did the woman even seem to notice him. She gave him a look that could have been aimed at a bug.

“You're her, aren't you?” Blaine asked. “You're the one who did this to me.”

Kurt felt a shudder run down his spine. So this was the fairy godmother.

A tiny smile appeared on Nerida's face. “Not that dull, I see,” she said. “Yes, I'm the one who cast the curse. And you're the one who broke it. I hate to admit it, but I am actually impressed. I'll have you know that has never happened to any magic I cast.”

“So sorry to disappoint you,” Blaine gritted through his teeth.

“I'm not,” she said.

“What do you want from him?” Kurt asked. “Haven't you done enough?”

Nerida let out a melodramatic sigh, as if she was already bored of the conversation. “I don't want anything with the boy. I wanted to take a look at him, that is all. After all, this is a first. And I did lose a charge because of him.”

“What are you talking about?” Blaine asked.

“The backlash, of course. Not that I'd expect you to understand how magic works,” Nerida said.

Blaine frowned. “Wait, what do you mean? What backlash? You're not talking about the seizure I had, are you?”

“I'm talking about my charge,” Nerida replied, “and the price he's paying since his foolish wish fell through.”

Kurt's eyes widened. Suddenly he wished he had told Blaine earlier, but now it would come out anyway...

“You mean Sebastian?” Blaine asked. “You're saying he's actually paying for what he did? I find that hard to believe.”

“A broken curse has its own energy,” Nerida explained, “and it has to go somewhere. He was the easiest outlet. It's a common risk of curses, and one he should have expected. Then again, he was never very observant to the details.”

“He... was?” Blaine asked.

Kurt looked in confusion at Nerida. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “He's not dead.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You've been to see him,” she said, a hint of surprise in her voice.

“You've been what?” Blaine asked.

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment before he turned to Blaine. He wasn't ready for the look of betrayal on his fiancè's face.

“I didn't,” he said immediately, “I didn't visit him or anything. But I saw him when I got your things from the apartment. He was alive then.”

Blaine still looked insecure. “You never said...”

“I didn't mean to upset you,” Kurt said. “I just wasn't sure how you'd react or if it would just make things worse.”

“He is alive,” Nerida said, “though only barely. I wouldn't be much of a fairy godmother if I didn't protect my charge from a curse's backlash.”

“What kind of fairy godmother are you anyway?” Kurt asked, unable to control his anger now. “What kind of fairy goes around cursing people?”

“You humans have a weird idea of fairies,” Nerida said. “You hear fairy godmother and you think of Cinderella. Nobody thinks about the little mermaid's sea witch, or Rumpelstiltskin, or even about the consequences of the Cinderella story, the consequences of a prince spurning all noble families to marry a commoner... You think a fairy has to be good, but a fairy godmother only has to follow her families orders, even if those orders go against the family's own interest, as it happened in this case.

“Do you really think I'd feel sorry for Sebastian?” Blaine asked. “Did you even for a second consider what you put me through?”

“I considered every aspect of it,” Nerida answered, “and I did my duty.”

“Then why are you even here?” Blaine was shouting now. “You put me through hell, and you didn't even care about it, so what do you want from me now?”

She hesitated. “I was curious,” she said, “and I wished to make a suggestion.”

It didn't match her previous haughty tone, and Kurt could see Blaine deflate at the sound of it.

“A suggestion?”

“You should see him,” Nerida said. “He's suffering, wasting away. I don't imagine he will last much longer. His mother wants him taken home to France. He's still resisting, but I doubt he will be able to keep it up much longer. He still has that silly hope that you will come to see him.”

Kur turned around to quickly scan Blaine's reaction. He looked uncertain, but there were signs of conflict, as if he was struggling with himself. To his surprise, Kurt realized that the furstration he was getting familiar with was rising again.

“Is this why you're here? To convince me to visit him?” Blaine asked, a note of disbelief in his voice.

Nerida looked at him with a weird half-smile on her face. “You are upset that I can't give you the answers you're looking for, aren't you?” she asked.

Blaine looked like he wanted to protest for a moment, but then he deflated and shook his head. “You couldn't have them,” he said softly. “You cast the curse... but it wasn't you who did this to me.”

“Blaine, what are you thinking?” Kurt asked, not sure whether he understood correctly.

“She's right,” Blaine said. When he looked back up at Kurt, he seemed apologetic. “I have to see him.”

“No, Blaine, you don't. Let him rot. You don't owe him anything.”

Blaine shook his head. “It's not that,” he said, “I just... I can't go on like this, Kurt. Maybe this will help me move on... or at least give me some kind of closure. If I could just... understand...”

Kurt raised his hand to stop him. “Okay,” he said. It wasn't what he would choose. In fact, he never wanted that bastard to get close to Blaine again. But it wasn't his choice, and if there was the slightest chance that it could help... “Okay,” he said again, “if you're sure... let's try it.”

Blaine sighed in relief and held his hand tighter. “Will you come with me?”

Kurt snorted. “You really think I'd leave you alone for this?”

“Thank you,” Blaine said.

When they turned back to Nerida, she was still mustering Blaine as if he was some unusual puzzle. “You are a strange one,” she said. “He's at his apartment, waiting for his trip to F rance – and you.” She turned around and Kurt was sure she would walk away, but she looked back at them again. “This is not going to bring you peace,” she said.

“Leave that to me,” Blaine said, a scowl on his face.

She shook her head and turned away again, but before she had ended her first step she had disappeared into thin air.

* * *

The feeling of dread started to set in as soon as they entered the street, but when they stepped through the building's main entrance, Blaine was almost overwhelmed by it. He felt dizzy, and the mere air felt suffocating. He closed his eyes, tried to ignore how his pulse sped up and nausea settled in his stomach. If Kurt hadn't been there with him, he probably wouldn't have been able to even get into the elevator.

“We don't have to do this,” Kurt said softly. “Not now, or not ever if you don't want to.”

“I told you, I have to,” Blaine said.

Kurt looked as if he was about to protest, but instead he just intertwined their fingers, a silent show of support.

Blaine breathed slowly, focussing on Kurt's hand, and letting his fingers especially rest on the engagement ring on Kurt's finger. They were alright, they were together, and he had no reason to be afraid. Sebastian couldn't touch him.

With another calm breath, he opened the door and stepped inside.

The apartment hadn't changed a bit from his memory. All that was misssing were his own clothes and shoes, but every pice of furniture, every single of those ghastly decorations was just where he remembered. The air felt heavy in his lungs, suffocating. It had never felt like home, but now it seemed lifeless... like a mausoleum, maybe.

As he turned around, his eyes fell to the piano standing in the living room. He could almost feel the keys under his fingers... but he knew, he would never play this particular piano again. For a second, he almost felt sad about it. But he was wasting his time here, procrastianting to get out of what he was really here for. He shook his head and turned towards the bedroom.

Blaine hesitated at the door for a moment, wondering whether he should knock or not, but decided against it, eventually. He wasn't sure whether he was ready for this, but if he was completel honest with himself, he would probably never feel ready.

He could feel Kurt's hand on his back, and it was the last conviction he needed. He nodded shortly, before he opened the door and stepped into the room.

He took a second to let his gaze wander, see if this place, too, hadn't changed. Eventually, his eyes fell to the bed, where Sebastian was lying.

There was a loud gasp for breath, and it took Blaine a moment to realize it had been his.

Wasting was what Nerida had called it. He hadn't had a clear idea of what that meant, but now that he saw it, he knew that there was no other word for it. Sebastian's skin was pale, almost grey. His face was fallen in, his cheeks hollow, as if he'd been starved for a very long time. His eyes were closed, but then he must have heard them. His head turned and his eyes blinked open, slowly. For a moment, he looked into nothing, maybe not even seeing them.

But then, he seemed to recognize Blaine, and his eyes lit up. Unbelievably weak, Sebastian pulled himself up, although he didn't manage to get into a sitting position. It looked like a zombie rising. There was hope in his eyes, when he looked up at Blaine.

“You came,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and hardly even recognizable.

Blaine took a step back on instinct, nearly crashing into Kurt standing behind him. Sebastian's face fell, but Blaine couldn't feel bad for him.

“I... I wanted to see you,” Sebastian said. He sounded as if he was out of breath just from talking. “Nerida... she told me, the curse was broken. I mean... I felt it, obviously.” He chuckled. “Collapsed in the middle of a lecture. Really shocked people...”

Blaine had a bitter taste in his mouth, like rising bile.

“I'm glad you're okay, though,” Sebastian said.

And then, the bile turned into laughter, just as bitter. “Okay? You think I'm _okay_ ?!” He could feel the grip of Kurt's arm around his waist, as if to ground him. It didn't help. “I'm _not_ okay, Sebastian. You don't get it. Do you even have the slightest idea of what you put me through?”

Sebastian now looked as if he was about to cry. “I'm sorry,” he said. Blaine never thought he would ever hear those words from Sebastian, but it still didn't help. “I made a mistake,” Sebastian continued, “I never should have put that spell on you. I wouldn't do it again. You have to believe me. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You didn't want to hurt me?” Blaine repeated. He felt the same bitter laughter rise gain, but suppressed it. He still felt light-headed from it, though. “You put a curse on me! You almost _killed_ me!”

“I didn't know it would end like this...”

But Blaine couldn't stop himself now. “You didn't care! You didn't even think it through. Even now, that's the only part you even realize you did wrong, isn't it? If the curse hadn't almost killed me, you'd still think it was the right thing to do, wouldn't you?”

He could feel Kurt's arm holding him even tighter. He was grateful for the support, more grateful that Kurt wasn't interrupting, aallowing hi to get out what he needed to say.

“I'm sorry you got hurt,” Sebastian said weakly, “but I didn't mean for this to happen. We could have been happy together.”

“No, we couldn't!” Blaine glared at him, trying to let all the anger and frustration that had built up inside him pour out. “Don't you get it? What you tried to do was to destroy my life.”

“All I wanted was a chance,” Sebastian said.

“You tore me away, not only from the love of my life, but from absolutely every person and every thing I cared about! You turned me into a zombie, you kept me isolated, you... you made me think I was losing my mind – that I was messed up and just had to get a grip on myself. And then you acted like you were so benevolent for even putting up with me. Don't you see anything wrong with all that?”

Sebastian closed his eyes. “I... I didn't think it through,” he said softly, “I just thought I could be with you. I thought we could be happy together...”

“I was happy,” Blaine said. He felt exhausted, now. “ _Everything_ was working out for me – until you took it all away.”

“But you are alright now, aren't you?” Sebastian asked. “You're safe.”

Blaine stared at him. “I'm safe,” he agreed softly, “but I'm not alright.” He could hear Kurt's sharp intake of breath at this. It was something they both knew, but that neither of them had said out loud before. “I sometimes feel as if I'll never be, not completely. You did something horrible to me... and you still don't understand. You have no idea what you've done to me.”

“Blaine, please, I was only-”

“Stop.” Blaine shook his head and sighed. “I don't want to hear your excuses,” he said, “all I want to know is why.”

The look on Sebastian's face was pure confusion. “You know why...” he muttered.

“No, I don't,” Blaine insisted. “Just tell my why you did this to me.”

Sebastian's frown deepened. “I just wanted us to be together. And we never had a chance. I just wanted that, a chance. Because... I love you.”

A gasp left Blaine's throat. He wasn 't sure himself if he was laughing or sobbing. “Love?” he repeated. “Just stop with the lies! Look at yourself, why are you still dong this?” He looked from Sebastian's confusion to Kurt, who looked just as upset as he felt. “Unless...” Blaine muttered and looked back “You actually believe that?”

Sebastian looked heartbroken now. On some level Blaine knew that under other circumstances, that look alone might make him feel guilty. But now, there was nothing. “I mean it,” Sebastian said softly.

Blaine shook his head. And he had actually thought, this could help him... and once again, he had been wrong. “That's not love,” he said. “The things you've done to me? Nobody could do that to somebody they love.”

“But I-”

“Just shut up.” There was no vehemence behind his words, but even saying them was uncharacteristic for him. “You don't love me. I was just a toy to you, and you got obsessed with me because you couldn't have me. And do you know what's the saddest thing about it? Once you had me, you didn't even know what to do with me.”

“Then why did you come?” Sebastian asked him. “If you don't believe a thing I said, then why are you here?”

Blaine closed his eyes. “I was wrong,” he said, “I thought if I could just understand why you did this to me that I could move on. But you're not helping. You're just a shell now – and I don't think you even understand what you were trying to do yourself.” Blaine turned around to Kurt, as if he was looking for help. Kurt was looking at him as if his heart was breaking.

“Why did you want Blaine to come here?” he asked. His presence was the only source of warmth.

“I was hoping you would forgive me.”

Blaine turned back to him. “Forgive you,” he repeated.

Sebastian had at least enough deceny to look ashamed. “I know I don't deserve it,” he said.

“Damn right, you don't,” Kurt muttered.

“But I know I did wrong, and I'm sorry I did it. Don't you think I've been punished enough with this? I might be dying, Blaine. I might never recover from this. Don't you think you can forgive me?”

Blaine sighed. Whatever he had hoped to find here, he knew he wouldn't. He felt wrung out, too exhausted to even stay completely upright. He closed his eyes for a moment, seeking for strength without finding any. It was pointless. And through his exhaustion, maybe even enhanced by it, the answer was abolutely clear and inevitable. It might have surprised him at some other point in time, but right now he was just too tired.

“No,” Blaine said. “I can't forgive you.”

Sebastian looked at him, despair in his eyes.

“But I'm dying. You can't want that.”

“It's not about what I want. I look at you, and even like this... I feel nothing. There's no anger, and there's no hatred, and there is no compassion, either. To be frank, Sebastian, I don't care what happens to you – as long as I never have to see you again.”

He turned around, but not without catching a glaance on the expression on Sebastian's face. It should have been heart-breaking, but Blaine had told the truth. He felt nothing. Kurt was still behind him, and looked at him with a concerned frown. There was a silent question in his eyes, but Blaine shook his head. Not here, he had to get out of this apartment. The air was suffocating. Kurt nodded, and a moment later they were out of the room.

Blaine didn't look up the whole way down and until they were out of the building. Only then did he feel like he could breathe again. He stopped and just stayed where he was for a few seconds, inhaling deeply. He felt his whole body shudder, and for a moment he had the terrifying thought that he might go into another seizure. The fear upset him even more.

Kurt took his hand, and Blaine let himself be drawn into a tight embrace. He took another shuddering breath and tried to calm down. It was over, and he had nothing to be upset about. But now, that he didn't stand in the apartment anymore, the all to familiar frustration set in again. Seeing Sebastian hadn't helped. If he took a moment to think about it, Blaine realized that he hadn't even had a clear idea on how it was supposed to help. He had hoped he would find out why this had happened, but all the answers he had gotten were more of Sebastian's delusions.

Why couldn't it just be _over_?

Kurt was stroking over his head. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

Blaine made a sound that was somewhere between laughing and sobbing. “Do I _look_ okay?” he asked.

Something flashed over Kurt's face and Blaine felt guilty. None of this was Kurt's fault. Blaine turned away and concentrated on his breathing again. Kurt stayed close and kept one arm around him. Blaine felt a surge of gratitude. Somehow, Kurt always knew what he needed to do to ground him.

“I really thought this could help,” Blaine said finally. His breathing was under control again, but he had problems making sense of the mess of his emotions.

“I'm sorry,” Kurt said, “I should have told you.”

Blaine shook his head. “It doesn't matter. Even seeing him like this... It doesn't change anything. I don't even know what I expected. But I don't even get any satisfaction from seeing him pay. Like I said, there's _nothing_. And I thought this would give me some kind of closure... but it doesn't change anything.”

“That doesn't have to be a bad thing,” Kurt said carefully.

Blaine turned back to him. He tried to keep his frustration out of his voice, to not put it all on Kurt, but he knew some of it was bleeding in. “I don't know what to do anymore, Kurt. Nothing works, nothing helps. It's been over two months and I'm still the same mess I was when I got out of the hospital. Why can't I just get over it?”

A strict expression shot into Kurt's face. “You're wrong,” he said, “you've already gotten so much better, Blaine. I know you don't see it. You only focus on what's missing, but you've made so much progress. And there is no magic fix, not one single thing you do and then you're alright again. You've been put through hell, of course that left traces. And now you're recovering. I know you're upset, and I know you're frustrated, but you have to be more patient. You're expecting too much, and you're putting too much pressure onto yourself. Just... take it easy, please, and give yourself the time you need to heal.”

“I'm sick of waiting!”

It was an outburst that he hadn't planned. Kurt looked at him with uncertainty, but now that he had started talking of it, he might as well get it out.

“I'm sick of sitting around and doing nothing and waiting for things to get better on their own, or have everybody else fix them for me.”

Now, Kurt frowned. “This is about before, isn't it?”

Blaine nodded, letting his shoulders hang in defeat. “I did nothing, Kurt, I just sat around and tried to avoid doing anything, and if you hadn't been so persistent, if you hadn't broken the curse, I would be dead now. And I'm so grateful to you, don't get me wrong, you saved my life! But I hate that I was just doing nothing, waiting to be saved. I hate that I was so weak and so... _helpless_ , and I hate that I still am.”

“Blaine...”

“I hate it,” Blaine repeated, and his voice was breaking on the words, “I hate it so much.” He felt even more exhausted now – but he also felt like this was some kind of breakthrough, now that he had finally named his biggest problem. Of course, that didn't help him solving it.

He ran a hand through his hair, and was surprised to find it shaking violently. A moment later, Kurt was holding him close, rubbing his back.

“I'm so sorry,” he said, “but... can I tell you how I see things?”

Confused, Blaine nodded.

“You're not weak – and you weren't weak or helpless under the curse, either. I don't think you understand how amazing you were, really. You fought against those fake memories, even when it was painful, you tried to fight it as much as you could. That was magic, Blaine, you shouldn't have been able to do any of that. You shouldn't have been able to look up those videos, and you shouldn't have wanted to keep me close even against Sebastian's wishes and the curse, and you still did it. Despite all those false memories and the brainwashing, you still came to love me, and then decide to follow your heart. Don't you think that is strength?”

Blaine frowned. He hadn't thought of it like that. All he could think ofhad been what he had put Kurt through, how hard Kurt had to fight, and as far as he himself was concerned, mostly of how he had been running in circles, too scared to break away from Sebastian.

“And Blaine, there's one more thing we need to clear up. I still feel elated when you say it, but... I didn't break the curse.”

Now, Blaine looked at him perplexed. “Yes, you did,” he said.

“Think back,” Kurt said, “you said you remember everything before your seizure. Think about what exactly happened.”

“You wanted to leave,” Blaine said, “and I told you that I love you. Then we kissed, and then... well...”

“No. _You_ kissed _me_ ,” Kurt said. “I wouldn't have done it, I was too scared. I thought I had to leave so you wouldn't die. But you risked it, and you kissed me, and _you_ are the one who broke the curse.”

Blaine stared at him. He could feel his pulse reverberate through his whole body. It was such a simple sentence, it was ridiculous that it should feel like such a revelation.

“But I... I didn't do... Did I?” He tried to project every ounce of uncertainty he felt into his gaze, even as this truth settled inside his mind. He had been so convinced of being helpless during it all... it was almost too hard to accept that maybe he hadn't been completely useless after all.

“You broke the curse, Blaine, and you saved yourself,” Kurt said. His gaze was strong and unyielding, proving how convinced he was of this. “And think back on what Nerida said. It never happened to her. You're the first person who managed to break one of her curses. You are not and have not been weak, or helpless. You are exceptional, and I am so proud of you.”

Blaine felt a rush of warmth spreading through him and his first instinct was to lower his eyes, to hide how wet they had become. “Proud” was a word he still reacted strongly to, and anything Kurt said was even more important. He was never insincere, not even with compliments. He also knew Blaine better than anybody else did, and there was no reason to hide any reaction from him, so Blaine kept their eyes locked against his instincts.

“Thank you,” he breathed. The thought was still reeling in his mind. For so long he had thought he had just been passsive, without agency. The mere idea that he had been wrong about it, changed everything.

“I thought it would help,” Kurt said softly, “I know it won't fix everything for you. You will need time to heal completely.”

Blaine nodded weakly. He had heard often enough from Isabelle, and Kurt too, that he needed time to recover from what happened, that he needed to be more patient. He had come to resent the phrase. But now, for the first time, he felt as if it might actually become true. It felt as if a block had dissolved. He knew he wasn't there yet. There was still much he had to deal with. But now, he thought he could at least see a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Are you okay, though?” Kurt asked, flinching at his own question. “I mean-”

“I know what you mean,” Blaine said, bringing their foreheads together. “I'm... I'm not okay. I'm sorry, I wish I was. You've been so patient, and wonderful, and-” He could feel Kurt moving to interrupt, but he had to finish this now, so he shook his head as he framed Kurt's face in his hands, “and I _know_ what you're going to say, that it's not my fault and that I have all the time I need, and okay, I get that – well, I'm starting to get that. This is not me blaming myself, this is me being grateful for all you've done for me, and are still doing for me now. I'm not okay – but I think I'm going to be.”

Kurt's eyes widened. “You do?”

Blaine nodded. “I do,” he said, “I know it won't be easy, and I know it will take time, but in the end... I will be okay.”

Kurt's face lightened up in a ridiculously broad smile, although Blaine only saw it for a few seconds before he rushed forward to bring their lips together. Blaine sighed into the kiss. Right in this moment, he knew with absolute certainty that he was going to be fine, not immediately, but eventually. It wouldn't be easy, and he would need help for it – but now, that he was realizing he hadn't been completely helpless before, needing help wasn't nearly as scary.

“I'll be there every step of the way,” Kurt mutttered against his lips, “whatever you need me to do...”

“I may need you to ask Isabelle for that therapist's number,” Blaine said, “and right now, I really need you to take me home. Today was too much. I haven't felt this exhausted since the curse ended.”

Kurt smiled softly. “Since you broke it,” he corrected him. “And yes, I think I can do that.”

With their hands intertwined, they began the way back home. Beneath the exhaustion, Blaine felt almost peaceful. He wasn't there yet, but maybe today was the first step to moving on. It wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't be quick – but now, with some semblance of peace in his mind and Kurt by his side, he could start to believe in happy ends again.


End file.
